To not give anymore of my inheritance away and look after my own family?

[MamaByTheOcean]

Sorry if this is a long one! Just wanting a bit of a sense check as I’m AuDHD and don’t always understand what is right to do in social situations.

I sadly lost my dad to cancer last year. I also lost my mum a few years ago suddenly and I don’t have any siblings so I have inherited all his estate and am currently dealing with things. He was quite silly with spending decisions after we lost my mum as he’d never really dealt with finances and definitely was undiagnosed on the spectrum so their decent estate dwindled a lot (about half of what he had when she died) even with me trying to help and guide him.

He always reassured me he’d leave me his small bungalow and campervan but decided to sell the camper for a lot under market value (about 40% of the £90k paid for it a year before) when he was poorly so I didn’t have to deal with it. He also decided in his last couple months to gift his 3 siblings £60k after originally deciding on £15k for all 3 previously.

Once I started sorting his finances I paid the siblings the £60k agreed and he had less than £1000 left in his accounts which just about covered the money due for the funeral on top of his funeral plan. His will officially just left everything to me but he had expressed some wishes to me to pay approx £15k to a few charities and friends from this money in his account but there isn’t enough left. My toddler who was my dads whole world wasn’t left anything officially in the will but I am intending on giving at least £20k of my money like he left each of his siblings which will go into their savings.

Im paying £250 a month for the utilities on the property whilst waiting for a sale to go through and had to pay for insurance etc on it which is a real struggle for me at the moment as I have my own house and nursery bills etc on a part time wage so I’m having to use some of the van money. Meanwhile my dad’s siblings have bought a brand new car and been on expensive holidays with the money they’ve got. Two of them have already spent all of it in the few months since he died.

once the house is sold I’ll be left with about £160k after all fees etc. I’m really reluctant to pay the charities as I want to make sure I have a safety net for my family with the money my dad wanted me to have but I feel so guilty not paying it as per his wishes.

On top of that my husband also suggested today to gift my dads siblings a few grand holiday to thank them for helping clear the house and clean it ready for sale which I feel is a bit of a joke when they’ve already spent the large chunk of money i already gave them whilst I’m struggling month to month at the minute. I was thinking of buying them a nice afternoon tea for them all but not thousands of pounds.

just not sure if I’m being unreasonable as I’m just trying to make sure I have a bit of security for my little family and my child especially.

Just keep the money for yourself. The siblings have had plenty. Give a small donation to charity.

Definitely don't give any more to the siblings.

I would still donate to the charities but it can be an amount of your choice as it wasn't mentioned in his will, just to you. Maybe a few hundred pounds?

Sorry for your loss OP.

You’ve been through a lot and you don’t have to decide what to do straight away. Maybe lock down the money for a year whilst you consider what to do. Don’t feel pressured to do anything straight away.

keep the money , we're the charities mentioned within his Will? I say this because once probate was granted for my in-laws we had letters from the charities sending their condolences, basically a reminder for us from them we know we're left something in the Will .

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and I’m sure your dad (and mum) would have wanted you and your family to benefit from their estate. Life is expensive!

Your DF wanted you to have the residue of his estate. But due to the fact that it was somewhat less than he thought, after you gave money to his siblings it seems you won’t have much left at all, especially if the house sale doesn’t go through quickly.
i’d scale back or pause further bequests for now until you have a clearer idea of how much will be left, then reassess. (And think of your own family too, would he not have wanted to leave some money to his grandson? )

I think it's hard to make these kind of decisions when you are still grieving. But for what it's worth - the siblings have had what they have been promised. Nice of them to help clearing the house, but we don't do favours for rewards do we? They have had what your dad decreed. Hopefully the house will sell before too long and you will know exactly how much money you are dealing with. You don't have to fulfil your dad's wishes to charity in a lump sum - why not set up a direct debit that terminates once the full amount (or whatever amount you think right) is reached? Don't tie yourself up in knots too much, as I say, you are grieving and it's amazing how a bit of time and space can focus the mind. Sending love.

Keep it. I think it's a bit grim of your Dad to have blown so much money carelessly it seems and then distribute it to all and sundry leaving not very much to his only child who is is taking on all the responsibilities for winding up the estate and presumably took a lot of responsibility for helping him when he was alive and bereaved.

I imagine the siblings left all those responsibilities to you and didn't step up but are now being paid handsomel.
I know we aren't entitled to inheritance but my Dad who was not rich , guarded every penny so that I would have it for my family.

Are the charities in the Will? If so, they’ll be after you. If not, keep it.

Charity instead of your own daughter- wow. I expect your mothers money is in amongst it,
giving away her money too, again wow.

No idea why he gave money to siblings, most unusual when you have a child and gc. Unless he owed them something.

If the charities and friends aren’t in the will then I wouldn’t. It was just idle chatter on your dad’s part. If they’re in the will then they should be paid.

Sorry for your loss.

If it’s not in the will you can do what you like. Don’t give any more away at the moment. Give yourself a bit of breathing space.

Can I just suggest you don’t give any money to your toddler, unless this is specified in the will. Put it in a bank account in your name for him. Otherwise if you have other children and can’t find the same amount for them it’s going to be problematical. And if it’s in your name you can always use it if you need it desperately - which actually will be in your child’s interests.

Goodness!

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss.

But why did you pay the money to his siblings before everything was finalised? Too late now, but would have been better to have kept the cash to run the estate and then settle everything once house was sold, funeral paid for and everything stable.

Dont give away any more money. Sort out the house sale and then take some time to work things out.

Certainly don’t be giving thousands more to people who have already been paid out!

Don't do anything in a hurry.

Keep a note of everything you are currently spending and make sure you get yourself reimbursed first.

Then put aside some for your toddler. The same amount that went to the siblings is not unreasonable.

You could also consider buying premium bonds with a chunk of the money and maybe donating any winnings to the charities of his choice?

But don't feel you have to do anything immediately the money hits your account. Take time to think it through.

Sorry for your loss. Definitely keep the money for your family your father would want to see your son set up (as any patent would). Siblings have had more than enough Do a small donation to charity no more than £1k total as most of it will go on admin snyway.

Definitely no more to the siblings - it was actually nice of you to pay them the money already. Ordinarily after getting probate you’d use that money to fund the estate’s incidental expenses etc and only distribute money to beneficiaries when everything was finally sold/cashed in.

Re the charities, he asked you to make payments ’from the money left in his account’ - so you should only give out whatever amount was left after siblings paid out. He wanted you to have the whole house, so you shouldn’t share that with anyone.

Cats Protection. Think of all the happy kitties. Someone needs to look after them.

Keep it all. Don’t feel bad.

You shouldn't be out of pocket at all and I would like to think your aunts or uncles wouldn't dream of taking money off you for helping with the house.

The money left in his account wasn't sufficient to give friends and charities the amount he had mentioned so it won't be paid.

If the will states an amount for the charity, you need to comply. But sod giving more money to the siblings. Keep it yourself.

The siblings have had enough already

If the charities are in your Dad’s will you should do what he has asked. That was his wish

You dont need to do any more. You've gifted the siblings what he requested and the charities I presume are not mentioned in the will so stick to the will which leaves it to you. The will is a legal document and rightly so, so take the rest for yourself. If your father was that adamant about leaving other amounts to other people or charities then he should have amended his will. Unless it's written down you cannot know if it was just a passing whim or something he was really serious about.

Before my father died he had cognitive decline and said all sorts of random things about giving money to various people but he wouldnt put it in his will so I didnt do it. Stick to the will and the written instructions.

You have given away too much already. You say that your child was your father’s world but have given away all that money that could have benefited him. It’s very unusual for people with children & grandchildren to give money to their siblings when they pass.

No the will only states all funds from the full estate (house, van and cash in accounts) comes to me.

I don’t understand his reasoning for it all. I know all my money is going to my husband and then our child and that’s it but he was always very thoughtful and generous and would never see anyone struggle. He had helped his siblings out over the years if they were short for anything or had any large expenses.

You have already given siblings their share, I would not be giving them any more.
If your Dad expressed a clear wish that some money went to a specific charity then I would honour that, but again unless it states how much I would perhaps give a smaller donation.

This exactly.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Also speak to the utilities and see if you can go on a tariff where they get paid out of the estate once the house is sold. Turn everything off at mains, have it all disconnected. You only need building insurance. Viewings can happen during daylight houses, no power needed.