In-laws always seat me away from my child at dining table

[charcharsydney]

I have a two-year-old son. When we visit my In-laws (who are French and live in France), every lunch and dinner (which are full hour long meals) I am seated away from him. Like, other side of the table and down from him (not opposite). My husband will be placed next to him, as well as one of the In-laws, usually my FIL or a SIL.

It's not a "sit where ever you want" situation. There are napkin holders with our names on them, and the in-laws will specifically pick where people sit so there is definitely some kind of thought process behind the seating arrangements. NFI what that is though.

It's always slightly annoyed me and when I raised it with my husband he brushed it off and told me I can just move places if I want. I have never done so as, with the language and cultural barriers, it seemed easier to let it slide.

However, my son turned two yesterday and there was a family lunch. There were 11 of us and AGAIN I was sat opposite side, towards the other end of the table. I didn't realise how upset it made me until the cake came out and everyone was taking photos and videos and singing to him and and I wasn't there next to him. I got very teary and brushed it off as being emotional for his birthday, but I'm so upset about this and don't know if I'm just being super sensitive.

I don't have any issues with my in laws but it just feels like a micro aggression.

So, AIBU??

Exactly. And massively sexist.

@RareGoalsVerge

ne soyez pas un imbécile condescendant "google translate"

This was totally my thought. Why is there always such a negative feeling and if something bothers you maybe don’t get upset, speak to your husband and cry about it and just do something.

Maybe they think they are being nice and giving you a break. Maybe they don’t see your son very often and are all trying to be as close to him as possible.

Do you speak the language? Maybe they want some time in French with their grandson.

Massive overreaction in my book sorry.

My in laws do this. Just swap with your DH or ask to move. If they’re like my in laws they won’t like it but will know they can’t refuse as your the mother and their guest.

I personally think this might be to give you a break and so you can relax. I dont think they would want to make you feel like you do.

Is your name Nigel or may be Tommy!!!

Edited for spelling

Why can’t your husband just breezily say oh wife and I are swapping?

Aww mate, you sound very kind and thoughtful but you need to stand up for yourself. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to and that includes being sat aside from your DS.
You hold the cards, remember that.
Next time just swap with your DH and if MIL doesn't like that then it'll be a long time before you visit again.

Maybe they want to have a relationship with your child ? It would be hard for them to have a conversation with him in French when he's next to you speaking English 🤷‍♀️. For his birthday you could just have gone up standing next to him. I don't think they are rude but if you're not happy you'll need to tell them or have your DH tell them. Personally I think you are unreasonable wanting to spend every second with your son. If he's happy you ought to be happy. Let him be and talk to the people next to you to practice your French.

From the title I thought the child was six or seven years old, not just turned two! I'd definitely be swapping to sit right next to him!

is the 2 year old bilingual then @arcticpandas?

Wrong thread!

I find it really weird that you never questioned it or asked to sit next to your son. Your in-laws are French so maybe its a cultural thing for them but surely if you are uncomfortable you would speak up? I just dont get it. Are you in unequal marriage to someone much wealthier than you are? Like, are you heavily dependent on his family/ scared of them?

Guys I think @NicolaCasanova has kind of clarified this issue pretty authoritatively.
No need for more pontification - esp as much of it is just suggesting upsetting scenarios.

Do you serious believe that Catholicism is not majorly sexist? Am left-wing TYVM. Did you realise that the late pope upheld not ordaining women? Why would you NOT want to call out this horrific sexism? It's YOU whose name is Nige or Tommy, for thinking that the right-wing nonsense of Catholicism is OK!

I take it the dad is French? And children are quick learners. At 2 they hardly speak anyway but I would think he understands basic French with a French dad.

to me, you are completely ignorant @ThisFluentBiscuit.

However, I defend your right to express, what you think is your truth.

Come on, you are being ridiculous.

Right back atcha. For both things.

@beetr00 Interesting that you just resort to insulting me instead of telling me why you think Catholicism isn't sexist tho.

The church doesn't allow abortion. Are you a Trump supporter?

I think this is not the thread to debate Catholism, and I think generalised bashing of Catholism is in very poor taste on this day when the Catholic world is reeling in grief and facing a time of great flux.

This was my first thought 😂.

I’d be thrilled at being able to eat in peace and let someone else be the cutter upper/entertainer of child. My parents do this when we go out for family meals and fuss DDs, whilst I sit with an alcoholic beverage and preferably a steak.

However, if you want to sit next to your DS then YANBU to mention it and ask to be seated next to him.

Excuse me, but how so? The Catholic church does not allow abortion. It is ANTI-choice. How can you think that's OK?

I suppose it makes sense if you're anti-choice yourself, tho.

Thank you for this perspective.

My French FIL always takes great care over the table plan because he wants people sitting in the arrangement he thinks will be most conducive to interesting conversation.

He usually puts my small children near himself and always involves them in the conversation. I can see them developing into real tiny French people and it's wonderful.

But WTF does any of that have to do with the OP's parents in law's seating plan?