To think a man who needs you to “build with him” has no business dating?

[WittyOchreSwan]

Build with your therapist and financial advisor, not me.

Bit shifty has talking vehicles.

Can we ask Mumsnet for a GenZ board for these posts??

😂

Build with him or build him?

Like a Lego man? Or a Transformer?😀

I'm what did the Ugly Ducking build?

That would be great! The instagram poster can go on there too and we can hide it

I have not read the thread, but I assume by 'build with me' this man is suggesting he's in some kind of disarray? Like psychologically, emotionally, financially or just out of a divorce? Something along these lines?

Personally, I'm 50 and, if I were single, I couldn't be doing with anything like that, so I don't see why not wanting to faff around in this type of scenario would be unreasonable?

I do think on MN, there is this holy grail of the '50/50 relationship' and beyond that, anything goes.

OP - "DP always demands I pay exactly half in dates as we are building equality."
MN - "Hallelujah that man."

OP - 'DH won't share finances with me, even though we have 6 children now."
MN - "You have no right to his money. Just make sure he does 50% of all housework and 'childcare.' This is all there is to life. The end."

Is this man Kevin McCloud?

If he has the 'masculine energy' then he should be able to build himself.

However, if building os of ikea flatpacks, harry potter legos, herb garden, a career, family or share portfolio, I am already building them myself, happy for an extra pair of hands.

Haha - absolutely the opposite take here. While I agree women shouldn’t be rehab centres for disfunctional men. The beauty of a long term relationship or marriage is that you build it together. I’m currently a SAHP - my husband is pretty successful. He feels really safe and solid in our set up becuase we earned the same when we met - and we hustled together - I picked him for him, not for what he has. He’s seen my work ethic - he knows I apply my intellect / (wo)man power to our children now and I feel confident he knows my worth and values my contribution to our life project.

I would chose ‘working life out together’ a million times over someone who’d already figured everything else out. There’s magic in being messy and making mistakes and growing together.

DH just built me a shed, does that count?

Maybe he's looking for a hod carrier?

Depends on the age bracket you are looking at?

You surely don’t expect all young men to have all their shit together, eg finances

And depending where they are located (London) even some professional men in their 30s don’t have all their financial shit sorted out as London is so expensive

I presume you may be in your 40s or looking for a man in their 40s

Agree about them having to be emotionally sound when I meet them, not really interested in taking on someone’s emotional baggage and helping them get over it

I am far from being a Gen Z - but I find this comment very ageist!

Also - it may come as a surprise that not everyone uses the same terminology for things.

Very strange responses here.

If Tevye asked me to build with him I would

Not sure I'd want to discuss house building so early on.

Is he looking for the Power of Two and has a dodgy high tech/magic helmet and failed to be a Jedi? Then no

If it's Tevye I would

Oh I had this terminology relentlessly bombarded on me with my last relationship, he used it while becoming increasingly violent and mentally/psychologically abusive.
It's a phrase I see as a red flag now.

For those of you wondering, it means 'build on a relationship' sounds great right? What mine meant was 'bow down and I will take over you and your children and your home'

I wouldn’t say someone having their shit together = having money/disposable income/assets, although it could be part of it. I have mine together but I recently took a big pay cut so I’m skint all the time 🤣 It’s more being mature, independent, responsible, organised, having some direction in your life.

DP and I met when we had both fled abusive relationships with nothing but the contents of our cars.

We literally built a house together. Built a family, built and incredible life together. Neither of us could have achieved the life we have without the other.

I don't need a man to give me a good life. I need a man to build and an incredible life with me.

Look up "Barbara the builder". It means a successful and financially stable woman who supports a loser man in his personal, social and financial growth. He uses her resources to get to where he wants to be, sometimes for years, saying they will "build" together, making the woman believe that she will eventually get a return on her "investment"/her "work" on him will pay off. Once he's got some form of success (or even just some semblance of it), she is binned like a hot potato for the woman/women he really wants, the one(s) he couldn't get anywhere near when he was skint and livng with the barbara. This is why I advise women to never go for men who earn less than them.

From Google: "Barbara the Builder" is a figure often used metaphorically to describe someone who invests significant effort and support in someone, only to be abandoned when that person achieves success"