To think a man who needs you to “build with him” has no business dating?

[WittyOchreSwan]

Build with your therapist and financial advisor, not me.

Yes but OP is talking specifically about men who actively prioritise getting their shit together with the help of their OH because they believe together they can unlock his true potential. OP is saying as an adult, the man should take responsibility for sorting that out himself and if he can’t he has no business dating but should be seeing a professional before bogging a partner down with his issues.

I've just read your other threads. Why are you doing this?

However ready you are, however together you are, when you meet a partner that's for the long term you still have to build a life together. It's incredibly entitled to think you are going to slot directly into each others lives. You won't, you have to learn and grow together, however sorted you think you are.

The number one worst chat up line I got was

I'd fuck you

10 out of 10 for honesty

0 out of 10 for efficacy

Not always.
I prefer to free build 😁

Blimey - life's too short for that argument, isn't it?😂

Meanwhile back in the real world ...

Human beings are fragile though. Circumstances can get tough. I think you have to be prepared, at times, to be ready to provide quite a bit of emotional support and good counsel. That's if you want a meaningful relationship, whether you are a woman or a man.

All couples should build together and should be a team

Just pass on these men then. Why does it bother you?

build what? Ikea flat pack, lego?

Is this the masculine energy/financial provider shite again in different form?

Yep, fighting a losing battle i think!!

@WittyOchreSwan are you in the UK? I think it’s obvious that many of us are bewildered about the terminology etc.

maybe you are US based? Or/and meeting men in the wrong places?

I do pass on them. Noticing a pattern and naming it isn’t the same as being bothered by it - it’s called having discernment.

Is this a Kevin McCloud thing?

There's usually a lot of IKEA flatpack featured in most young starter relationships.

Ever wonder why all these lame ducks make a beeline for you, op?
You should give it some thought.
It’s unlikely to be at all flattering.

What happens when things go tits up because life suddently did a handbrake turn?

What levelt of financial stability are you talking about? Not having loads of debt and a stable job is good. Expecting someone to have a mortgage paid and pension sorted.....you may be looking until you are over 40.

Imho Most men who are single in their 30s with no dependents are pretty career focused by that point, yes they want someone who can fit around and support that.

This can be a clash as most women at this point are used to being independent.

But its not an issue if you have a conversation about how to divide things up.

Ooohh I’d love a new potting table. Was it difficult to build?

Now this is sensible, interesting building. Not namby pamby terms that mean nothing.

I’m in the UK but the ‘let’s build together’ mindset isn’t exclusive to one country or one dating app. I’ve just noticed it’s a common narrative among men who aren’t ready but still want a relationship. The phrasing may vary but the behaviour is pretty universal.

Build is not an intransitive verb when used in this sense. Build what?

If he is inviting you to a weightlifting class or dry stone walling, that might be a fun activity date.

If he’s emotionally unavailable and needs me to be a guarantor on the metaphorical mortgage while he “finds himself”… then yes, very Kevin McCloud.

OP, I don't get the hate on here.
Totally get what you mean.
I often post that men are not fxxking projects for women to fix.

One of the very basics in female therapy is not to go for potential in men.
Women do this and it is bullshit that more often leaves them bitterly disappointed.

See men clearly where they are at and decide if they can meet you where you are at.
Sure you can grow TOGETHER, but not you providing tha scaffolding for his growth.

The parent child dynamic is not sexy and it is sad that so many women seem to buy into it.
It rarely reaps rewards.