To think a man who needs you to “build with him” has no business dating?

[WittyOchreSwan]

Build with your therapist and financial advisor, not me.

Why dont you get off your backside,earn your own money and stop expecting to be a kept women?

I’m not applying to be someone’s life coach

thank goodness for small mercies but you can you also stop trying to be mumsnet’s resident relationship coach?

Yeah something like that. Therapists are not mainstream really, it's weird when it's brought up like having a therapist is a normal thing.

So much navel gazing goes on now, it's tiresum.

Bears put away enough to sleep much of the winter.

Have you not seen the Fat Bears?

So what you're saying is don't get into a relationship with someone who's immature and not at the same stage in life as you are? I mean... that's good advice, but it's hardly groundbreaking. Not sure it needed yet another thread.

yes I thought the same.

Jesus 🙄
How tedious.

I've never heard the phrase either but I voted YABU because this poster changes their name every day to a random 3 word combination and gives advice on being a trad wife.

I mean... so what?

Do you want a medal or something?

Be careful, OP will start calling you all "wild" in a minute.

Lego used to be about creativity and imagination - no instructions.

Touché. Clearly I need to raise my standards - only Fat Bear Week finalists need apply.

Exactly but some people still romanticise this or call it ‘building together.’ I just think it’s okay to want readiness, not potential. Not everyone agrees, so I figured it was worth a thread.

Where are you at with your own life OP? Have you got your shit together? Stability? Direction? Any baggage that needs addressing? Job and pension?
Human beings aren't TV sets to be returned to the store when they're defective. Odds are, whoever you end up having a relationship with, they will have ongoing issues. We all do. Men aren't stronger or weaker than we are. A good partnership is about balance. Takers are tiresome- grant you that - but you can't expect anyone to be totally 'together' and over-confidence can also be a red flag. And fake 'alphas' are irritating AF.

There seems to be a lack of maturity behind this thinking. The overwhelming majority of people have a number of problems that they need to work through. That's part of life, so it's important for people to be supportive of one another.

If you're exclusively looking for people who do not have any kind of problem, you are going to be looking at a very small number of people indeed.

I agree that no one is perfect or without baggage, myself included. I’m not expecting flawlessness. It’s more about readiness and self-awareness. I’ve just found that some people want a relationship to fix them or give them direction and that doesn’t work for me. I’m all for mutual support but not stepping into a role that feels like a guidance counsellor before the relationship’s even begun.

If that had been a thing in the 80s I would have welded my vagina shut.

I have reported your thread OP, no-one is taking you seriously and you need saving from yourself .

Must be a MN version of the What3Words app.

I have a real visual picture of OchreSnailWasp in my mind after the last few days. Sort of a younger Liz Jones but without the self deprecating wit and easy going charm.

I think this is called ‘struggle love’ in America but agree YANBU. Only enables and encourages the man child to thrive.

I agree with you op, organically growing together is one thing but using your partner as a stepping stool often at the expense of their mental/financial well being is happening a lot.

A lot of men now will take your earning potential into account before deciding to be with you because of the cost of living/housing etc. I know so many, particularly in places like London where they’ve been engaged for almost a decade and you just know who got the better end of that arrangement.

People - men and women - hardly ever get their shit together completely before they die. It's a work in progress for everyone. Imperfection and dating have to coincide.

So you want a man who has built a life already, with a home that’s renovated and paid off (oh, and a car judging by last week’s thread). You want to just ‘slot into’ his ready built life, with no agency or input of your own? You’re willing to trade that in return for being ‘paid for’, by an old man.

What is your view on household chores or sex? Or are you saving that for tomorrow’s exciting installment of gold diggery?

Could be the split energy poster 😂. She might have watched another TikTok video and leaned some new phrases.