Holiday Money

[spaghettisocks]

Ok don’t want to drip feed so context first.
DP works 3 days per week and has since before we met. Earns around half my salary, does 2 days pick up and drop off, also has some regular money coming in from old investments which is usually frittered away on clothes, buying meals for friends etc.

I work full time. Earn double his salary, pay at least 2 thirds of household costs/bills/shops/tickets/kids clothes and clubs. Am much better with money so have some savings which he is unaware of. Also save for DS who is 4 and has £7k in an ISA.

we have just booked holiday of a lifetime. I will pay for me and DS. DH will pay for himself. I have said I will also cover food and spending money for me and DS and have asked DH to sort himeself out. He is not frugal and likes nice things and so will generally choose the most expensive meal without considering the options (I will sometimes have a steak but would balance this out over the week with some cheaper options). He also drinks and I don’t. So there would be added cost for him of a few pints, cocktails or a bottle of wine (again no way would he chose a house bottle).

AIBU -
Y - you are a family and you earn more, you should split everything and pay 2 thirds.
N - he can fund his own drinks you paying for DS balances out the inequality in wages

It sounds like his large inheritance was subsiding his lifestyle when you met and it masked a lot of his lifestyle, even though he appears to have been quite open and honest with you on his work ethic and spending habits.

You don't seem to have fully understood the inevitable impact when his inheritance ran out. He was burning through a finite amount and it’s always unlikely someone’s spending habits will suddenly change - you’re now just subsidising him to keep spending all his wages as though he has no responsibilities. He doesn’t even pay money into his pension, so he’s even more “disposable income” to play with but is going to be destitute in future (he seems to be now!)

My advice PURELY for this holiday - budget your and DS’s spend per head for the holiday and save that. Tell him he needs to save £AMOUNT for himself based on what you guess he will spend per day over the holiday. There’s no ambiguity or risk if you can see before you go if he hasn’t/has saved it. If there are times you can send him to pay for himself (you’re in the airport and he fancies a pint, you’re in a bar abroad and he wants to drink) then do so and just pay for you and DS. Be prepared that you’ve hitched your cart to a horse that clearly can’t be sensible financially and WILL need a bail out before you come home. If you want to go as far as the bail out being “here’s €30 a day, enjoy”, that’s up to you.

Theres a whole selfish thing to unbox here…. But that’s my advice for your holiday.

I bet you actually pull your weight at home, though, and with your DCs. OP's husband doesn't.