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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Only 4 RSVPs out of 24 invites - WIBU to ask teachers to pop a reminder note in reading folders?

180 replies

DinoNuggetsRUs · 21/04/2025 11:28

My DS is in school nursery and it’s his 4th birthday on Saturday. I’ve booked out the community hall and hired a big bouncy castle and invited his whole class. I sent the invites out 2 weeks ago, so 3 weeks before the party with an RSVP date of Friday just gone.
So far, out of 24 invites, I’ve only had 4 RSVPs, and one of those was to say they’re at another party.
Theres no group chat (that I’m aware of), would I be being a pain in the arse to give the teachers a stack of notes to remind people to pop in reading folders? I appreciate teachers are not there to do my unpaid party admin but I’m dreading the thought of him only having 3 kids at his party when he’s mentioned some others by name he wants there who haven’t RSVPed.

Im wondering whether to buy a box of biscuits for the teachers as an offering for being a pest, or whether to just wait and see what happens on Saturday.

Its his first ever birthday party and he’s so excited and Im just envisioning him sat there sad that none of his pals have shown up.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 22/04/2025 22:03

Ohnobackagain · 22/04/2025 18:58

@DinoNuggetsRUs can you not ask the one with the contact details to let you send her a message and she can forward it. You can put at the beginning ‘this is X’s Mum, have asked Y’s mum to send this as she has your number and you may not be comfortable with her giving it to me’. Otherwise can she message them and ask if she can hand over your number? You can ser up a poll easily on whatsapp so they can vote yes or no.

That’s what I’d do oP.

And I wouldn’t get too stressed if it’s low numbers; they are so little at your DC’s age and they won’t really notice or care. Sometimes it’s actually less overwhelming for them.

Pineapplecolada1 · 22/04/2025 22:52

At my school we never get involved with giving invitations out ever. Teachers have got enough to do. Also causes upset if not everyone is invited

Ilovechocolatelimesandsherbertlemons · 22/04/2025 23:30

My son's birthday was in the summer holiday, and the only party I had for him was so stressful for this reason that we always booked our summer holiday over that week and took his present and cake with us We didn't know who was going to turn up, and half didn't reply. In the end it was ok, but his friend had no one come to his. For my other son I kept to close friends' children only.

Goingoutofmymind25 · 23/04/2025 06:39

TubeScreamer · 21/04/2025 13:30

Could it be that parents haven’t looked in book bags over the holidays and will find them on the evening before term starts?

That's very likely!

WoodyOwl · 23/04/2025 06:45

Go to school early for drop off and ask your child to point out the kids in his class. Ask them if they are coming to your party. Give them your number. Ask them if they want to be in the class WhatsApp group and then set one up.

Sahj123 · 23/04/2025 13:22

Of course you can send out a reminder! No nursery/preschool teacher would be annoyed at that! They want the other children to attend too as no one wants to see a small child, or any child for that matter, upset on their birthday…

So give the reminder to the teacher, speak to as many parents at pick up as possible WITH spare invitations in your hand in case they ‘lost them’ 🙄

List everyone invited and tick off each one once you’ve spoken to the parent directly. GO GO GO!!!

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 23/04/2025 16:24

PrincessScarlett · 21/04/2025 12:41

Although it's normal to have a fair few no responses, 4 responses is a very low RSVP rate.

Agree with a PP that suggested you message the 4 that have replied and ask them if they have any other parent contact numbers. I'm sure you'll get a few numbers that way.

If one has said they are already at another party that day, I would be worried they are all at the same party which might explain why noone has responded to you.

And I would maybe ask the parent if the other party is a nursery party. At least them you'll know for sure

Welshmonster · 23/04/2025 18:40

I’m a teacher and just gonna say no. There’s enough to do. You are inviting people to your party so now is a good time to actually speak to people.

however in recent years I’ve noticed that people just don’t RSVP. It takes 2 mins but then they turn up when you weren’t expecting them and haven’t catered for them. The parent then brings the siblings along expecting them to be paid for.

try doing it at the start of the school day and keep your kid out to catch people as they drop off

jasminocereusbritannicus · 23/04/2025 18:41

In my experience , not many parents look in their children’s book bags! There are always unread letters / homework etc , because not many get their reading books/reading diaries out at home…

JoanIsNotAwful · 23/04/2025 19:48

How are you getting on with this @DinoNuggetsRUs ?

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 23/04/2025 19:52

JoanIsNotAwful · 23/04/2025 19:48

How are you getting on with this @DinoNuggetsRUs ?

I didn’t ask the teacher because of the overwhelming majority of people telling me not to. I’ve been trying to catch people at pickup and drop off but I’ve got a fussy 5 month old I have in tow on the school run so the past two days I’ve either been late or trying to soothe the baby.
I guess I’m just hoping for the best and if it turns out only 4 kids show up then I’m just going to make it the silliest most fun party I can by getting involved with the kids.
I'm dreading it to be honest.

OP posts:
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 23/04/2025 19:53

Ask the person you know to message the others. That's often done at our school.

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 23/04/2025 19:55

Also the lady I know who has peoples contacts is in hospital at the moment with her son so don’t want to bother her with anything trivial when she’s got enough on her plate

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 23/04/2025 19:58

DinoNuggetsRUs · 23/04/2025 19:52

I didn’t ask the teacher because of the overwhelming majority of people telling me not to. I’ve been trying to catch people at pickup and drop off but I’ve got a fussy 5 month old I have in tow on the school run so the past two days I’ve either been late or trying to soothe the baby.
I guess I’m just hoping for the best and if it turns out only 4 kids show up then I’m just going to make it the silliest most fun party I can by getting involved with the kids.
I'm dreading it to be honest.

Show quote history

What about at the end of the day?
Was your baby never a talking point to get to know other parents? Maybe at my school we are just nosy, but anyone turning up with a baby usually helps make conversation of 'how old' 'aren't they lovely' and leading into 'who are you picking up? Do they enjoy being a big brother/sister?'
Hopefully it will be ok on the day

Dumbo18 · 23/04/2025 19:59

Just ask the teacher - please don’t take the advice from mumsnet, it’s not real world! I know teachers have lots to do but the worst she can say is no sorry and the best is she says yes and you get to stop stressing. You are only asking her to pop a note in each book bag (assuming you will write the notes) not to come and cater the party and entertain the kids! Always remember you get more bad advice on here than good! You’ll kick yourself if people have genuinely forgotten or lost the invite and all it would have took is a little reminder

Noodles1234 · 23/04/2025 20:00

Honestly I think it’s great people asking for advice, but sometimes go with what you believe in yourself to be right.

Ask the playgroup leaders for help, I did this and honestly I think if they are happy to they will.

JoanIsNotAwful · 23/04/2025 20:01

Hope it all goes better than expected. I think he'll still love it even if it is only 4 guests.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/04/2025 20:04

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/04/2025 12:37

Just do it OP, mumsnet is weird about this sort of stuff. But she probably won’t mind in reality, it’s not like you will be asking every 3 weeks forever

Show quote history

No, but if the OP is having this problem, other parents probably will too, and may think it's fine to ask staff to do this. Another reason why I'm glad I teach secondary not primary!

Original poster
DinoNuggetsRUs · 23/04/2025 20:10

I’ll update on Saturday if someone reminds me as when it’s all over and done with I’ll most certainly be hitting the bottle :D

OP posts:
Tolkienista · 23/04/2025 20:17

DinoNuggetsRUs · 23/04/2025 20:10

I’ll update on Saturday if someone reminds me as when it’s all over and done with I’ll most certainly be hitting the bottle :D

I'm really sorry OP that this party has turned into such a millstone round your neck.
Having taught in a nursery class, I honestly don't recall any parties that issued invitations to more than a few children, so I can't really comment on your plans
I hope it goes better than you think and once it's over to have time to relax, relax relax.

Jazzyted · 23/04/2025 20:33

@DinoNuggetsRUs please please ask the teacher. I am a teacher and a sports coach and would have no issue at all helping you. It’s more important that your child is happy in my opinion and if I can help with that then why wouldn’t I? Yes it might be some extra work but imagine the stories he’ll tell on Monday. It’s so worth it and I guarantee lots of people saying don’t would do it if it was there child. I hope it goes well for you ❤️

Littlemisscapable · 23/04/2025 20:52

As a teacher I really wouldn't mind helping you but I'm concerned these invites will just disappear into seemingly unchecked schoolbags so this won't help much. Could you also ask to put one on the door or somewhere else visible? You are just unfortunate as you seem to be one of the first ones organising a party, they are soo stressful..but it will come together! (And you will have lots of phone numbers)

Ohnobackagain · 23/04/2025 22:05

@DinoNuggetsRUs now you have explained the ‘contacts’ lady is out of action, I’m sure the teacher(s) will be more open to helping. Nothing to lose by asking, especially if you explain that you’d normally ask X who is unavailable. Teachers can tell you who is parent of certain kids …

MamaLenny · 23/04/2025 22:18

If it's a school nursery then there may be a Facebook group for parents relating to the main school. Just search, will probably be a private group you have to request to join.
Then you can post something like "can all nursery parents please remember to rsvp to little Jimmy's party, thanks" If any of the other children have siblings in the main school it's especially worth doing and there will be other posts like that, if my child's school fb page is anything to go by.

In my experience though people do just turn up without rsvp-ing, and sometimes with siblings in tow.

Pigriver · 23/04/2025 22:54

Nursery teacher here! I'd be happy to do this. My son struggled at nursery and his teacher was lovely, supplied us with names, reissued invites, even rang me to say another child was asking about a party and can he come. At that point I was like 'anyone can come!' I also rarely dropped off so didn't know any of the mums and DH was useless.
We live in a very mixed area and lots of the children just don't go to parties that aren't family parties.
I think there is no harm in asking just do it in a nice way.
Good luck!