Only 4 RSVPs out of 24 invites - WIBU to ask teachers to pop a reminder note in reading folders?

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

My DS is in school nursery and it’s his 4th birthday on Saturday. I’ve booked out the community hall and hired a big bouncy castle and invited his whole class. I sent the invites out 2 weeks ago, so 3 weeks before the party with an RSVP date of Friday just gone.
So far, out of 24 invites, I’ve only had 4 RSVPs, and one of those was to say they’re at another party.
Theres no group chat (that I’m aware of), would I be being a pain in the arse to give the teachers a stack of notes to remind people to pop in reading folders? I appreciate teachers are not there to do my unpaid party admin but I’m dreading the thought of him only having 3 kids at his party when he’s mentioned some others by name he wants there who haven’t RSVPed.

Im wondering whether to buy a box of biscuits for the teachers as an offering for being a pest, or whether to just wait and see what happens on Saturday.

Its his first ever birthday party and he’s so excited and Im just envisioning him sat there sad that none of his pals have shown up.

Sorry to hear this! I think asking people directly and pick up time will get you a few more if lost invites
Then start inviting family and your other friends with kids

Also invite siblings of the kids already coming

he’s mentioned some others by name he wants there who haven’t RSVPed

I would stand at the gate, get him to point out these specific children and target the parents.

Network like a mad at next pick up. If you don't normally do them then find a way to. I had hardly no one rsvp in person. I was at another party the weekend before my child party and saw all the parents who had not rsvp. Am a bit socially shy so hoped they would approach me and confirm attendance. They didn't. I went round everyone nicely and checked in. They all immediately rsvp. Life gets busy and forgetful. It's so stressful as the one arranging the party but it isn't intentional.

If you can get in person confirmation try and facilitate it.

This, I always had almost all parents' numbers in DDs' classes at that age.

I wonder if so many class parties mean that parents have the attitude of it doesn't matter as plenty of others will be going?

That's not to say that I don't think it's rude.

Are you serious?!

It is absolutely not the school's job to facilitate the social lives of the children and their parents. Not having a WhatsApp group is not a slight on their communication as a school at all. I'm sure they have ways of passing on important school information that doesn't involve WhatsApp (GDPR, and all that).

School/class WhatsApp groups are the responsibility of the parents to set up, if they want it. Most schools discourage it and therefore any which are set up are 'unofficial', or school have no association with it whatsoever. They usually become a hotbed for bitchiness and nastiness anyway, with parents criticising the school/teachers or moaning about other kids. I avoid school WhatsApp groups like the plague!

This is absolutely not what apps like Tapestry and Dojo are for. No teacher is going to use it to post a reminder about a child's birthday party (and if they did they would be expected to do the same for everyone, which is unmanageable). People would start conversing with the teacher about the party, as if they are the organiser, and the app for passing on important school information would be derailed by posts about individual children's social events.

No, just no!

You would be amazed how few parents even look in their dc’s reading folders these days. Out of 30 children in my year 1 class, only a handful ever read the reading books. All important communications are by email these days so the majority of parents don’t ever open the folders. I would try asking people at pick up or drop off.

I know you’ve said there’s no Facebook or WhatsApp group for your sons class, but is there definitely no Facebook group for the whole school? I didn’t find out there was a parents page for my kids school until he was in year 2 and it was set up years before any of my kids entered school so it wasn’t new, I just didn’t know.

Failing that I would ask the parents who have RSVP whether they have numbers for any of the other parents and mingle at drop off/pick up as much as you can. Get your DS to point out friends in his class. hope you can get it sorted x

The teacher has already done their bit by putting invites in bookbags. It's not their fault that many parents don't look in there. It's frustrating for teachers too when they put school related info in there which isn't read, and the parents turn around claiming not to know about stuff! If you ask the teacher again, they can only put things in bookbags for you again, which is pointless. You'd think parents would check bookbags daily but sadly many don't.

As others have said, you need to put the effort in yourself to stand outside at drop off pick up times and approach people yourself. Are nursery and Reception mixed? If your child knows those children, who cares if you didn't originally invite them? You've hired all hall rather than booked a party limited to certain numbers. Simply have spare invites with you and invite them anyway!

Your child is 4. He's honestly not going to notice the difference between if 4 children or 20+ children come. He'll have a great time regardless. You're worrying about how you will feel, and how it will look to other parents if hardly anyone is there. The kids won't care or notice. Their experience of parties is so limited at this age, they won't think anything odd of there just being 4 children there. They'll have a blast regardless.

By speaking to other parents. I'm not a teacher but worked in school and I'm in the camp that did mind being asked to do this, most of my colleagues did too. Handing out invitations, then being chased by the parent having the party to check if they had been handed out because x hadn't replied. Parties seemed to be happening every few weeks, so this was a regular occurrence and tbh, we had more important things to do. When DS had his first birthday party in reception, it was like a military operation. I had the invitations at drop off and pick up, got my son to point out his friends, I approached the parents and gave them the invitation. It took about 2 weeks to hand them all out in person, especially as |I had to leave him quickly so that I could catch my train to work. It really isn't that difficult.

I think as you have already asked the nursery staff to hand out invites it is a bit awkward to ask them to hand out another round.
It sounds like you do the school pick up so I am surprised you can't pick out which parents are nursery parents by this stage. I remember when mine went to school nursery and we would have to wait for the gate to open and parents would talk to other parents, and even if it wasn't a parent you really spoke to, you got to see and know who's parent they were.
As they are nursery do they not wear normal clothes? I know some wear a uniform but my school didn't do this for nursery children so this again would be a massive clue.

Yes it would be unreasonable and disrespectful.

I feel like this has been glossed over. I definitely wouldn’t ask the teacher to do it when you already have a way to contact the majority. You don’t need your friend to give you all their numbers. You just heed her to send a mass message out with your number prompting them to RSVP.

Oh god, no no no. Leave the poor bloody teacher alone. She doesn't give a fuck.

I think this is what you have to do oP.

I think some posters are getting confused between 'school' as in reception upwards for class dojo, WhatsApp groups etc and 'nursery' which is where OPs child is. Very few nurseries have WhatsApp groups or anything as it's paid childcare

A teacher-led nursery class in a school that shares a room with the reception class is essentially the same as school. Unlikely to be paid childcare, children will be funded.

I would set up class WhatsApp group, invite the ones you know and ask them to invite everyone they know as that will be the class group. Within a day as one adds another you could be at 90% of the class so you can check with each one individually if they can come or not.

Can you cancel and do the CBeebies thing..?

Can you ask her to txt a picture of the invitation to them? And just say, "hi all just passing this on for dinonuggets as I think a few invites didn't make it home" That way she's not giving their numbers out but they receive your message/ get the invite if it was lost
One year my daughter somehow didn't get her invite to her friends birthday and it was right before summer holidays. Luckily her mum did have my number and she txt me a photo of the invitation to ask if we got it and if she was attending, which I said to her I was so glad she'd messaged because we didn't actually get the invitation the first time.
I hope your child has a fantastic birthday

I’d deffo set up a whatsapp group for the class ask your mate to invite the parents that she knows - be good to have a group anyway and post it on there

That's a lovely idea.

Hope you made some headway at drop off OP.

Talk to people and use it as an opportunity to create a WhatsApp group - two birds and one stone