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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh going on at Dd during nice Easter lunch

152 replies

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:42

Had a lovely day today, Easter hunt with Dd (6) and grandparents, walk to the beach and we made a really nice sit down lunch.
Everyone was happy and getting along well and enjoying the day.
Dd started to get bored I suppose and started to play with some of her small toys at the table. I could see Dh getting more and more agitated, then he started to almost shout, saying she was putting the toys in the fish and everyone wanted to eat it etc.
It just brought down the whole vibe of the day, she’s only 6, I don’t know why we couldn’t just have fun and enjoy the day. After that he was in a mood

Aibu to think he’s a miserable sod

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 20/04/2025 22:44

Was she putting the toys in the fish?

outsidedoggy · 20/04/2025 22:45

I had a dad like this and honestly it sucked. He leeched the joy from everything. My mum was a new woman when they divorced when I was 15, and in turn we were happier kids. I bet this is far from the first time.

PeriPeriMam · 20/04/2025 22:46

OppsUpsSide · 20/04/2025 22:44

Was she putting the toys in the fish?

Yes, this is the key bit of information here!! Toys: fine. Toys driving around in a fish platter: no!

Flutterbyby · 20/04/2025 22:47

PeriPeriMam · 20/04/2025 22:46

Yes, this is the key bit of information here!! Toys: fine. Toys driving around in a fish platter: no!

Show quote history

Indeed. If she was putting toys in the fish people were going to eat, he more than had a point and OP should have been on it.
If she wasn't....he's a dick.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 20/04/2025 22:50

Was she sticking her toys in food other people had to eat? I'd not have an issue with her playing quietly with a few little toys at the table as long as it wasn't ruining the meal for everyone else. I would have an issue with food being ruined.

Hankunamatata · 20/04/2025 22:51

Er if she was putting toys in food everyone had to eat - that's grim.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2025 22:51

Hard to comment without knowing if he was making it up

Original poster
Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 20/04/2025 22:55

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

Basic manners to sit at the table while eating. If she had finished eating I would have then said to her to get down form the table

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2025 22:55

Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)
Yes, it's a choking hazard.

You don't seem to be teaching your child even basic rules that schools expect of her, ie no messing around with other people's food, no toys (or pencils) at the table, unable to sit still.

CaptainFuture · 20/04/2025 22:58

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2025 22:55

Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)
Yes, it's a choking hazard.

You don't seem to be teaching your child even basic rules that schools expect of her, ie no messing around with other people's food, no toys (or pencils) at the table, unable to sit still.

This, she's 6. And mucking about ruining food by putting her toys into it?

pikkumyy77 · 20/04/2025 22:58

It's almost never necessary to shout at a child. This was not a crisis.

Trumptonagain · 20/04/2025 23:01

Of course it matters if she's putting toys in food.

In this instance though you say you didn't notice if she was putting the toys in the food or not, but was near to it.
Your DH did see her though, so thought it justified in telling her off for doing so.

Maybe he was getting agitated waiting for you to see it happening and check your DD but you didn't, so he stepped in.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/04/2025 23:04

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

So he was supervising her (you weren’t) and he told her off for misbehaving. The problem here is both of you, you’re not on the same page about parenting and this will be confusing for your DD. Sort yourselves out so that she can understand the boundaries

RomainingCalm · 20/04/2025 23:06

I’m sorry OP but at 6 (Y1?) your DD should be able to sit at the table without messing around with food that others are going to eat.

Maybe the timing was wrong, maybe it had taken a long time for food to be served, maybe all the grown ups were chatting and she was left out and therefore bored? Part of parenting is recognising the ‘danger signs’ for poor behaviour and distracting, or letting her get down from the table for a bit, or including her.

Maybe DH shouldn’t have shouted but from your posts it suggests that it’s happened before and he is fed up of the behaviour.

BitterTits · 20/04/2025 23:08

I don't think her playing sounds like a big deal OP. If it bothered him that much he should have just told her calmly, earlier on.

Screamingabdabz · 20/04/2025 23:09

I feel a bit sorry for your DH tbh. It sounds like you’re so passive that he has to be ‘bad cop’. You can’t let young children play around with food that has been laid out for a family buffet. If I was a guest I wouldn’t want a 6 year old’s toys and fingers in it. He is not a miserable sod, it sounds like he’s the only one trying to do any parenting.

SD1978 · 20/04/2025 23:13

It seems that you parent differently. At 6 I would (and did) expect a child to sit for the duration of dinner, getting up and mucking around would annoy me too, I do think it’s important. If they were finished and wanted to leave the table early at home, I didn’t have an issue with that, but getting up and down and wandering around, no way. You also don’t know if she was sticking toys in the food. And if she was, no it’s not acceptable. Whilst maybe he is unreasonable, those examples don’t necessarily sound like they are unreasonable

Howdoyoudothat · 20/04/2025 23:25

It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

Yes, it does matter.

It's not important to you to teach her manners? If you don't teach her at home and practice manners at home how can she be expected to behave around guests and in public settings such as restaurants and school?

Your dh was right to stop her since you don't seem bothered to teach her. You're excusing her behaviour by saying she's only 6 but 6 is more than old enough to know how to behave, will you still be excusing her poor manners when she's older? YABU here, not your dh. Good for him for stopping her, at least one parent thinks it's important to teach her how to behave.

LimitedBrightSpots · 20/04/2025 23:33

There's a time and place for yelling at your kids. Tbh I would just have sent her off to watch cartoons at that stage.

There's a difference between calmly correcting a child or asking them not to do something, and getting unnecessarily shouty and agitated and ruining the mood.

homeedmam · 20/04/2025 23:35

No excuse for shouting at her but she should definitely be told to sit down and not put toys in the food.

LittleLabrador · 20/04/2025 23:44

She’s 6, she should be able to sit for a meal at home and not put toys in food at restaurants

BoIIocks · 20/04/2025 23:51

It sounds like he was trying to manage your child’s behaviour and you undermined him.

Being invited for a meal where the host’s child is, as observed by their own parent, touching the communal food with a toy is pretty gross and unappetizing.

You say “grandparents- I’m guessing his parents were there and he was embarrassed by your daughter’s behaviour? Really, at 6, she should be able to sit through a lunch without playing with her food.

canthavethatonethen · 20/04/2025 23:54

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

She's 6 not 3, and sitting at the dinner table during a meal without messing about should be something she's capable of by now.

OakleyAnnie · 21/04/2025 00:09

Flutterbyby · 20/04/2025 22:47

Indeed. If she was putting toys in the fish people were going to eat, he more than had a point and OP should have been on it.
If she wasn't....he's a dick.

Show quote history

Oh, it was OP’s job to be ‘on it’ was it? Not dad’s? He can just get irritated and have a go at her, right?
the bar is so low for some of you!