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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh going on at Dd during nice Easter lunch

152 replies

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:42

Had a lovely day today, Easter hunt with Dd (6) and grandparents, walk to the beach and we made a really nice sit down lunch.
Everyone was happy and getting along well and enjoying the day.
Dd started to get bored I suppose and started to play with some of her small toys at the table. I could see Dh getting more and more agitated, then he started to almost shout, saying she was putting the toys in the fish and everyone wanted to eat it etc.
It just brought down the whole vibe of the day, she’s only 6, I don’t know why we couldn’t just have fun and enjoy the day. After that he was in a mood

Aibu to think he’s a miserable sod

OP posts:
Flutterbyby · 21/04/2025 00:11

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

You're not sure...sounds like he was sure though, and he has to discipline because you won't.

Flutterbyby · 21/04/2025 00:12

OakleyAnnie · 21/04/2025 00:09

Oh, it was OP’s job to be ‘on it’ was it? Not dad’s? He can just get irritated and have a go at her, right?
the bar is so low for some of you!

Show quote history

Are you high? He was on it, and OP is bitching about him actually parenting when she couldn't be arsed.

BombayBicycleclub · 21/04/2025 00:15

Maybe he was parenting her and if you want to comment on his parenting stop your 6 yr old from putting toys in food?? What parent thinks that is acceptable???

Trytryagain25 · 21/04/2025 00:41

Yeah sorry OP - putting toys in the fish at lunch - not ok.

Why was he actually in a mood about it for the rest of the day though?

Was the mood actually with you because you put him down/argued back when he was parenting? Because anyone that can be in a prolonged mood about a 6yr old mildly misbehaving at lunch - isn't right in the head.

There are many things that I do/say and there are many things that DH says or does - when parenting that the other doesn't necessarily agree with - but you back your spouse and speak about it later.

It's a very simply - Daddy said put that down, or sit still and I expect you to listen to Daddy or whatever the thing is. Then later when they're in the bed, 'I didn't really agree with how you handled xyz situation - I thought you were a bit hard on them' and then you discuss and decide what to do differently next time.

But if DH pulled me up in front of DC AND infront of guests - damn right I'd be in a stonk about it for the rest of the day.

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/04/2025 05:32

This sounds like you have different expectations of your child, and this won't be the only time you've argued over it. In my opinion 6 is old enough to sit at the table to eat a meal without playing. It doesn't sound like food was over and you were talking over coffee or something when she could play just because not much is going on (but better if she leaves the table and plays). I just don't get why she had toys on the table when people are eating. At 2, possibly. 4, I think too old. I'm not sure my kids ever had toys at the table! It could be ok for a very young child if they're not used to it but by 6 she should know that meal time is not playtime. I do not allow phones at the table for my teens either.

Of course the rest of the day was nice as I don't think you had any expectations of your DD other than she had a nice time, which of course she did on an egg hunt.

It's OK to have expectations of behaviour which might be challenging but do-able for her age. That's how kids grow up.

RedHelenB · 21/04/2025 05:54

Screamingabdabz · 20/04/2025 23:09

I feel a bit sorry for your DH tbh. It sounds like you’re so passive that he has to be ‘bad cop’. You can’t let young children play around with food that has been laid out for a family buffet. If I was a guest I wouldn’t want a 6 year old’s toys and fingers in it. He is not a miserable sod, it sounds like he’s the only one trying to do any parenting.

This. At 6 she's old enough to sit and behave herself through one meal.

MoreChocPls · 21/04/2025 06:12

Yabu. Your dd needs to know she can’t play with other peoples food and mess around like that.

Maddy70 · 21/04/2025 06:18

Sounds like she was being naughty and he rightfully told her off.

Sirzy · 21/04/2025 06:20

Yabu. Sounds like he is trying to set very realistic basic expectations about manners at the dinner table.

If she had genuinely finished eating she could have asked to leave the table and then gone to play while the adults carried on.

SchoolDilemma17 · 21/04/2025 06:22

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2025 22:55

Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)
Yes, it's a choking hazard.

You don't seem to be teaching your child even basic rules that schools expect of her, ie no messing around with other people's food, no toys (or pencils) at the table, unable to sit still.

This!
with 6 and no SEN she should be able to eat without running around and not have the toys around food. I expect that from my 3 year old.
Your parenting sounds too permissive OP.

SharpOpalNewt · 21/04/2025 06:23

You can say it without raising your voice - anyone can be grumpy or over harsh at times, but if it's all the time and that's just one example among many, that's an issue. If a child is just playing happily and in their own little world, a gentle word should generally be the first resort.

SunnyViper · 21/04/2025 06:26

I’m sounds like your parenting skills are lacking and your DH is having to compensate for that.

SharpOpalNewt · 21/04/2025 06:26

And also if her DH gets grumpy then sulks then he is a big fucking child and a much bigger issue than a little girl entertaining herself quietly.

SharpOpalNewt · 21/04/2025 06:27

SunnyViper · 21/04/2025 06:26

I’m sounds like your parenting skills are lacking and your DH is having to compensate for that.

Edited

Stop projecting yourself onto the OP. How on earth did you get that from one post?

SharpOpalNewt · 21/04/2025 06:28

SchoolDilemma17 · 21/04/2025 06:22

This!
with 6 and no SEN she should be able to eat without running around and not have the toys around food. I expect that from my 3 year old.
Your parenting sounds too permissive OP.

Show quote history

Where did you get "running around" from?

tuvamoodyson · 21/04/2025 06:35

OakleyAnnie · 21/04/2025 00:09

Oh, it was OP’s job to be ‘on it’ was it? Not dad’s? He can just get irritated and have a go at her, right?
the bar is so low for some of you!

Show quote history

You seem to have misread…dad was ‘on it’ mum wasn’t.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 21/04/2025 06:47

I've just come back from France.
All British children should be sent there to learn table manners, from the humblest of places to a 2 Michelin starred place, children of all ages sat through meals. No phones/pads/toys. Ther sat quietly, adults interacted with them, yet when they were conversing, kids sat quietly played with colouring books or entertaining themselves.
No reason British kids cannot be taught to behave at mealtimes,mwhether at a 'nice' easter lunch or at mcdonalds. Except perhaps for the fact that many adults here have no table manners and are seemingly incapable of holding cutlery properly.

SchoolDilemma17 · 21/04/2025 06:57

SharpOpalNewt · 21/04/2025 06:28

Where did you get "running around" from?

Show quote history

“Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)”

babyandtoddlergrwp · 21/04/2025 06:57

Is this a build up? Does he suck the joy from things regularly? What’s he like day to day?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 21/04/2025 07:00

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

Surely you would know if your child was putting toys in the food as you were sitting at the same table?

Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

Good table manners are important.

beAsensible1 · 21/04/2025 07:03

Whatarethewordsinthatsong · 20/04/2025 22:51

I’m not too sure if she was actually putting toys in it, but playing around. It just seems the things he chooses to get irritated about aren’t that important to me. Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)

Yes. She’s 6. Of course she should sit down to eat.

it doesn’t need to be a shouting thing but she needs to understand expectation and wandering around with food / cutlery isn’t what’s expected at dinner time.

nor is it expected at school etc

SwanOfThoseThings · 21/04/2025 07:06

I can understand the annoyance at the food being messed about - it would put me off eating it - but shouting never solves anything. He should have told her not to do it, or if she was getting restless perhaps one of you could have pre-emptively excused her from the table so she could go and play without disturbing others.

saraclara · 21/04/2025 07:06

She's six. She should be able to sit at the table for the duration of the meal, and frankly shouldn't need toys at the table at all, never mind getting them in or near the food.

Whether raising his voice was appropriate, we can't know. But there was nothing wrong with his expectations.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 21/04/2025 07:11

INeedAnotherName · 20/04/2025 22:55

Telling her off for not sitting down every second when eating (we’re at home, does it really matter that much?)
Yes, it's a choking hazard.

You don't seem to be teaching your child even basic rules that schools expect of her, ie no messing around with other people's food, no toys (or pencils) at the table, unable to sit still.

Yes exactly. Perhaps he is inclined to moan but you sound - essentially - like the kind of parent fuelling the kind of poor behaviour being commented on as being in schools these days.

A happy medium is needed.

dogcatkitten · 21/04/2025 07:13

You could see what she was doing and you could see he was getting annoyed, a quiet, 'keep the toys away from the food please', from you, would have diffused the situation. He shouldn't have got cross, but he may have also thought the GPs were not happy about it even if you thought they didn't mind.