Husband unhappy about doing anything

[Marg01]

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

Facebook took 5 years to become profitable.

Regardless, currently I’m selling my time but there are countless avenues I could move into where it will be less an individual selling her time per hour but more selling a service which is outsourced to external parties.

I wouldn’t support my DH if he swanned off for 12 hours every week to do a bloody hobby and left me with all the childcare either.

Would you be saying the same if it was the DH going off for 12 hours a week and leaving OP to pick up the slack?

What’s the business ? How long has it not been making money? Is it a vanity project ? If it’s making a loss is he bankrolling that?

I did this Dh was really supportive - last year my business earned more than he did

How does that comparison make sense? He does not have an issue with her not earning money. He has an issue with having to contribute domestically.

And that makes him an arse. If she went back to being a full SAHM and he did not have to do some cooking and a bit of childcare then he would be fine.

And to answer your question I always take issue with men who feel their only contribution to family life should be their wallets.

Unbelievable comments on this thread. If she was a SAHM you’d be telling her to get some independence. Well she is! But you don’t see why her H should pick up the slack.

If he works full time and OP is a stay at home Mum then he works probably five days a week? So OP does five days a week stay at home mum and they share the weekend - one day each? Not sure why the OP is being so berated for wanting to build a business. It will take time to be profitable as she has been doing other things for the last how many years.
posters seem to think being a sahm is doing everything all the time? Surely he can parent his own kids and wash his own clothes and cook some food?! That is the basic minimum even though if he is working and bringing in all the money!

Don't listen to mooing cows.
Photography is well paid.
Even if it is not you and your DH both need days off.
He cannot possibly expect you to work 7 days a week running household while he works 5 and gets a full weekend off.
Idk why are some women on MN so daft.

No, what he doesn’t want to do is do 12 hours of childcare and domestic stuff to support her while she goes off taking photos and doesn’t bring in any income.

Can he also go off for 12 hours a week and do what he likes?

I wouldn’t support someone faffing about with a hobby for 12 hours a week if I didn’t get the same opportunity, no.

OP has 5-6 hours a day during the week to work on her business.

She is not leaving him with all the childcare.

She is asking to contribute minimally to home life while she does most of it.

What percentage above “0%” is it ok to expect a man to contribute to domestic life?

So many people posting on her act like agreeing to be a sahm is entering into a binding contract that can never ever be changed or broken. Relationships are supposed to be partnerships where each person supports the other. The OPs husband has been able to do everything he’s done because she picked up the slack. Now it’s his turn to do a bit more.

He should want to support her, because he loves and respects her. And they are his children too and she is not his maid come nanny come housekeeper but his wife.

So how much housework and childcare do you think her husband should be doing?

God forbid he occasionally parents his own children.

YANBU.

I think it was a bit much not to discuss it with him in advance and just expect him to pick up the slack. I also think 12 hours a week of chores on top of a full time job is not insignificant and you seem to be a bit dismissive of the ask .

50% of what needs doing when he is at home from work. And they should both get equal time out to do their own thing - so if OP gets 12 hours to work on her business, he should get the same to do whatever he wants as well.

He doesn’t want to do ANY chores? So why is it perfectly okay for him to leave everything to her? It isn’t him doing 12hrs on his own, it is them both sharing childcare and chores at the weekends.
why are people saying he shouldn’t have to do it? Just sounds nasty and contrary. Him working five days a week does not mean he does nothing towards general day to day living!

‘Faffing about with a hobby’ How rude. She’s building a business.

honestly some women really aren’t here to support other women.

He does not want to do anything childcare and domestic labour because he’s a lazy arse.

If she went back to being a SAHM and doing ALL domestic labour then he would be fine. It’s not her lack of income he has an issue with. It’s her expectation that he is actually a father and husband. She is still doing lion’s share of domestic labour. Why do you think a man earning income means he does not have to contribute domestically?

So again, where’s his 12 hours a week to do whatever he wants?

^This.

Also, if she hadn't been a SAHM mum, they'd have been paying for childcare. So actually, OP has supported her husband's career. The posts on here are fucking unhinged. Saying OP didn't want to work? That's an assumption. Being a SAHM IS work. Jesus Christ, no wonder women feel terrible about their choices, as even other women judge them. SAHMs are vilified.

She's trying to set up a business. If she'd got a minimum wage job, would that not matter either, because the husband is the higher earner? There will always be a higher earner. Just because you're the breadwinner, it does not absolve you of every single fucking chore or raising your kids.

Until it turns a profit, it’s a hobby.

I run my own business and it was very much a hobby for a good 6-12 months while I built a customer base.

But he is moaning about having to do ANYTHING. Did you not read OP?

You said it should be split 50% when at home, but she has said she still does most of it. Which means he is doing less than you think he should be.

So why are you criticising OP?

@faerietalesHe has his 12hrs - in fact he has all the hours he is not actually as his job because he wants to do NO chores and NO childcare. In what world do people actually get to do that? In a world where people just want to be nasty to the OP.