Husband unhappy about doing anything

[Marg01]

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

Why is he so mad about it, exactly? Did you never get any “me time” before?

He's being asked to do household duties and childcare mainly on the weekend, which he should have been doing anyway? Being a SAHM shouldn't be a 24/4, 365 day a year job, it's childcare for when her DH is working - he still should be pulling his weight when he's home.

YANBU OP and I fully agree with you - don't give it up!

Sounds more like a hobby. When will you turn a profit? I'd find it hard to be supportive of a business that was losing money while I continued to pay for everything and did extra work at home.

One thing OP hasn’t said is how much time in the week is taken up with him having to do stuff - I am very sympathetic as we built a business from scratch but were earning £6k a month within 6 weeks of starting it ( 3 months prep pre starting it) how long is this likely to be before turning a profit OP- I do ask this because in the interests of fairness we have women full time working and some are the only bread winner posting on here about partners and husbands not earning for a year or two but building businesses and yet they themselves despite full time work and partner not earning are doing an awful lot of the domestic work as well - so in the interest of balance I think that has to be thought about - what’s the timeframe?? - I do however think he owes you time to make a go of something and step up

The things is the business isn’t making money now so it’s really a hobby. I get his point

Should be be an involved parent? Yes.

Should he support your business? Depends on what it is.

I have to be honest that I wouldn’t be happy if my DH started a business that took him
out of the house refused on weekends.

If it’s some kind of crafting/MLM business etc I’d definitely not be supportive.

This makes it sound like some sort of MLM. If it’s anything MLM or MLM-adjacent then you are definitely being unreasonable.

If his income is sufficient he can hire a part time nanny or housekeeper.

His income is already supporting an entire household, I’d suggest if more help is needed as a result of OP’s hobby then she can find a way to earn and pay for it!

But it isn’t 50/50 at weekends. He is running the household 100% on those days.

I agree. I'm shocked at the replies. If OP was talking about leaving her DH I'm sure the replies would be full of how she is entitled to half the money as she supported his career with childcare and how he should be doing his fair share of childcare and paying maintenance.

I don’t understand all the posters who think it’s fine that the husband funds everything,works all week and then is expected to spend one of his days at the weekend doing chores and childcare? If OPs children are at school then she has time everyday to devote to her business? Like normal working people do?

He just has to do more housework and childcare.
Previously he had to be home early one day a week and now it’s 2, and very rarely 3 nights, and he had Saturdays free but occasionally he has to look after the house on Saturday. I’ve worked it out and it’s about 12 additional hours that he needs to support us.

Or selling slogan t-shirts, cheap jewellery and those bags with 'fun' straps. The market's saturated. Maybe her husband can see it's unlikely to be a winner, but will take up a lot of time.

Absolutely because if she was leaving then they would no longer be a team, she wouldn’t be entirely reliant on him financially for absolutely everything in her and her childrens life. They would then be two separate parents, both with childcare and financial responsibilities.

or she could get a paying job and get savings and do her business as a side hustle until it’s viable and then move into it?

How old are the kids? Has he invested any money in this business?

And to continue supporting them all financially…

It will be a viable business.

Famous last words. Who has ever started a business and thought ‘this will definitely fail’

He's moaning your out of your box, I couldn't be with someone like him. My husbands salary is enough I don't need to work but I do and he does half of most things, your husband is a knob.

Also "looking after the house" isn't a thing.

Your friends are idiots. Your H is being unfair to you.

Yanbu at all.
Tell him to pull up his big boy pants and get on with it.

Are they really your friends? Or are they couple friends?

I’m shocked at my view on this but feel like husband is now in a lose lose situation. He is still having to work and has the pressure of being the sole breadwinner and now his SAHM DW has a unprofitable start up that takes her away from her side of the agreement.

I think if I was your husband I’d be thinking this isn’t what I signed up for, if you don’t want to be a SAHM anymore, fine, you can get.a job and I could work less to accommodate the extra responsibilities I’d be picking up at home