Husband unhappy about doing anything

[Marg01]

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

Man wants mommy-maid who will also have sex with him

Isn't this the definition of an incel? Except he's getting sex?

I'd love to be able to believe this was the last generation of male arses that believe this shite. Wants to contribute nothing other than money to his family and his home.

12hours - so 1.5 additional working days a week? On top of a 40ish hours week? Another 20+% So you can try a build a business?

Life coaching?

There was a combination; some were couple friends and some were my friends. I found their reactions fairly surprising.

I would absolutely refuse to do extra chores to bankroll a non earning partner running a hobby business.

Nothing to do with MLM; it’s a photography based business, which is why I am away on some weekends. In fact, I have turned out jobs because of him.

If I understood your posts correctly, I think the problem might start with you unilaterally deciding that you will put so much time and effort into a business, let alone one that "has yet to turn a profit." Then you talk about "what he needs to do" and how it's basically your right to do this if you decide to, with no input from the other half of your marital team.

What would you say if your husband had just decided to take on a second job that he thought he might eventually get paid for- and note, that can never be any more than an opinion, not a fact. Anyway, say he made that decision on his own, then started telling you that it was more than fair and oh yeah, "Here's what you need to do to accommodate my plans."

I wouldn't like it. I don't think anyone would. If the above is correct, I think you need to have a talk with him and decide TOGETHER what the next steps should be for you and him and your family. After all, you can't really expect him to be a team player if you're not.

What she said 👏🏻

It’s not a hobby business. It’s not something I do when I am bored or full dead time.

I swear some people act like it’s still
the 1950s and not 2025. I can’t believe that other women would think this.

If they have a cleaner and Op does a lot, I can't imagine there is going to be loads to do? He's spending time with his children which he should be doing anyway.

Until it turns a profit, it‘s a hobby business.

I’m not sure I’d be very impressed if DH disappeared for 12 hours a week, leaving me with all the home and childcare stuff while he went to do a hobby.

How long will it be until you turn a profit? And how long will you keep trying if it doesn’t?

It is an hobby until it’s profitable. Until then you are losing money.

And you need to understand what your business model is.

If you need to be working pretty much every weekend to be profitable then that’s a big change to family life.

I’m not suggesting we are remotely similar but it took Amazon 10 years to make a profit and last year it made 60bn.

Amazon was a company with financial backing selling physical products.

Not a single photographer selling their own time.

If this is an MLM you won’t turn a profit. Is it something else?

If you haven't made a profit, your business is a hobby.

How long have you been running this business?

How much family money is going into this business?

When does your business plan project profits?

It sounds like you two agreed he was fine with you being a SAHM as long as you were taking care of most of the domestic end while he paid for everything. Now your hobby business is so time consuming that he's having to both provide all finances and do domestic work and he's not happy about it.

I wouldn't be real happy about a vanity hobby project that wasn't turning a profit but taking up a lot of my spouse's time and possibly eating up joint finances either.

I don’t really think it’s a gender thing, in fact I remember a previous poster who was a woman and the breadwinner, her husband had been starting businesses left right and centre for the past 10 years and they were struggling financially. He also didn’t do enough around the house. Every person responding was telling her he’s a CF and he needed to get a job.

This is obviously a different situation, but for me as a woman if I’m the sole earner in my family, because we agree that the kids will benefit from a SAHP, I think I would be quite put out to be asked to up my home contribution by 12 hours, leaving work early on 2/3 days a week so that my OH can have a hobby. I just wouldn’t think it was fair that my OH gets to be the SAHP and gets to spend a lot of their time on a passion project but I’m just expected to carry on paying for everything and now pick up the slack at home too. These things should be agreed by both people in the relationship

Alas no men like this are born everyday and likely raised to be this way by women like a lot of those commenting on this thread.

As you say, you’re not remotely similar so it’s irrelevant.

Until your business turns a profit it’s a hobby - and at the moment your DH is fully supporting you while you go off and try and make it work. But there’ll be a limit to how long he’s willing to do that for if you’re essentially just taking photos and not bringing in any income.

Does he get 12 hours a week to go and do something entirely for him?

He should be doing that anyway. Why does he get to opt out of home life because he has a paid job?

I wonder if all the folks supporting OP would be supporting her DH if he spent 12 hours a week on a non-profit making “business” while she had to carry on picking up all the slack at home?

But her DH is fine with her not bringing in an income.

He just does not want to do anything around the house.

So, when does he get 12 hours a week to go off and do whatever he likes?

Your husband is being a ridiculous misogynist.

Can't believe some of the replies here. Most businesses take hard work to start making profit.

Good for you OP. I'm sorry your husband is so unsupportive and obstructive to you building your new business. I don't even know what to suggest as men like him are just selfish sexist dicks.