Husband unhappy about doing anything

[Marg01]

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

We know that he sees parenting his children and cleaning up his own house is what he considers to be mundane and not his responsibility due to his financial standing.

He hasn't even mentioned OP not even making any money yet, it's all about him having to care for his children, cook and clean.

We actually don't know how he would be if OP was making some money but I have a feeling since he'd still likely be earning much more that he'd still consider these things to be mundane and all on OP to do.

So maybe it's not a viable business if she can't currently work it around his full-time job?

We don't know why she's turned it down - is it because he's still at work? Or because he doesn't want to be a solo parent all weekend? Or because the kids need to be somewhere?

We know that he sees parenting his children and cleaning up his own house is what he considers to be mundane and not his responsibility due to his financial standing.

Well, if my DH was home (child-free) all week, with a cleaner, while I worked full-time, I'd expect him to do the vast, vast majority of household chores as well.

I agree.

If he had an issue with the fact that she isn't making any money, he would've said something. Instead, he's just complaining that he has to parent his own children and feed himself.

So what if when you said to your DH can you do Saturday and I will do Sunday he said No. What then? Because that is what the OPs DH is saying. No.

The OP will never be able to earn money if her DH doesn’t step up and do the basics of having a family. She has been out of the workplace for a long time. And he has BENEFITED from that. He doesn’t see why he should do any of the menial tasks that the OP does. What a prize? I don’t think so.

and OP does do the majority.

But in my scenario, DH and I are swapping. I'm not lumbering him with extra work - we're just swapping when it happens.

OP wants him to take on 12 hours of solo parenting to give her 12 hours of hobby time - where's his 12 hours of hobby time?

Does she? She has a cleaner and her kids are in school all week. And her DH comes home early 2-3 days a week so she can go out and do her "business".

That doesn't sound like she does an awful lot, really.

I'm sad that your relationship isn't strong enough that your husband wouldn't allow you to do a "hobby" as he might have to "pick up the slack"

Sounds like you need a more supportive husband.

As I've said, he would pick up the slack. Without hesitation.

But I don't ask or expect him to. Because he works hard and I don't need him to pick up my share of life on top of his share just to enable me to go off and to a hobby. I do my hobbies after doing my share.

Neither of us work full-time anyway so we have plenty of time to do our hobbies without the other one having to do any extra. It's actually fab :)

You can keep attempting to insult him all you like, though.

All the other hours he isn’t at work. There is no swapping here as the DH sees chores as beneath him.

What a shame neither of you can work full time. If you worked full time you'd bring more money in and then your husband probably wouldn't mind picking up the slack.

Only lazy people don't work full time.....or didn't you get the memo?

Even a SAHM is entitled to a hobby and/or to see friends.

I’ve never once said I have an issue with anyone working part time 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think anyone has said otherwise?

So he spends all his hours where he’s not working out at a hobby does he? Where does OP say that?

She doesn’t say that he does but he could. What with having no responsibility to ‘keep house’ as the OP does all of that. I suggest too that he doesn’t ask the OP permission before doing anything because she is the default childcare/housekeeper as often happens in these situations. Whereas she has to ask/check/be allowed to/grovel for some time to try and build a business.

Good, as OPs hobby/work is part time!!

Perfect, issue resolved then. Glad you agree.

You have not clarified if you and your DH have had a discussion about what compromises could be made, rather than you saying "You need to do this" and him saying "I don't want to". Have you suggested trying this for 6 months? Agreed that it will be for 3 evenings a week maximum or Saturday, not both? Considered any other childcare options? It doesn't sound like you are asking too much of a father but if he hasn't been involved in the planning that might be what he is objecting to.

The somersaults posters are doing to make the OP feel like shit and excuse her husband are actually quite amazing.

OP says that she still does the majority. She also said that 3 days a week is rare.

If having a cleaner means that OP doesn't do much then the same can be said about cleaning when it comes to DH too.

Maybe he’d like to give up his job and pursue his own loss making passion 42hours a week while she worked full time, financed his passion, shouldered all financial responsibilities, paid for domestic help and covered his childcare responsibilities 2/3 nights a week and every Saturday/Sunday? Mumsnet would surely have THOUGHTS on that situation, right?

Either you’ve not been reading my posts or you’re just feeling argumentative.

It’s not the job/hobby that’s the issue. It’s the fact that she expects her husband to finish work early to accommodate it (when it’s not currently brining in an income) and expects him to solo parent at the weekends too.

Nobody has managed to answer when he gets his equivalent time to pursue his own hobby out of the house?

She didn't do unpaid work.

👏👏