Husband unhappy about doing anything

[Marg01]

I wad fortunate enough to be a SAHM; my husband earns enough to not require a second income.
I’ve became bored of being a SAHM and studied a course a few years ago and last year this led me to create my own business.

The business has taken up a significant amount of my time and DH has become rather aggrieved that some of the domestic chores have fallen to him.

The course was well suited to our schedule and we increased the our cleaner’s hours so there wasn’t any imposition on my husband. However, the business is an entirely different beast, which means DH has to sometimes do his share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Occasionally, he will have to run the household on either a Saturday or a Sunday and he isn’t happy at all about doing this. He feels his financial contribution mitigates the need to handle the more mundane aspect of family life.

The business has yet to turn a profit but it’s still early days and , I see this as an investment in my and our future, and I am still doing more than him at home.

I’ve told him that I expect his fully support, just like I’ve supported him throughout his career and raising his children, which has raised some eyebrows in my friendship circle.

a few friends have commented that I am being unfair on him.

I would bet damn good money that all her husband does is sit watching tv or scrolling on his phone when he's home with HIS children.

I bet he's hardly there scrubbing the floors or darning socks.

What new business is successful immediately? He's not "bankrolling" he's meant to be a partnership and it's THEIR money not just his.

Fuck me, I'm embarrassed that there are so many selfish arseholes on this thread who want OP to give up on something which makes her happy. And obviously photography will happen evenings/weekends as that's when people need events photographed. Ain't too many weddings happening at 1pm on a Tuesday!

Fuck me, I'm embarrassed that there are so many selfish arseholes on this thread

I'm embarrassed that so many women still thinking bagging a husband is a meal ticket.

You're pathetic!

She's working, a new business and fingers crossed will start to bring in a profit. Hardly a meal ticket.

But MN hates SAHMs so I shouldn't be surprised there is such nastiness towards the OP attempting to make her life a little better, attempting to start a business that means she will eventually be able to start financially contributing too.

You're a disgrace. Lift women up FGS, we have a hard enough time with men and other subsets of society trying to knock us down and control what we do. How about just be supportive.

obviously photography will happen evenings/weekends as that's when people need events photographed. Ain't too many weddings happening at 1pm on a Tuesday!

So it pays less than zero and happens at an inconvenient time. You see why DH isn't wild keen about supporting it?

OP's DH might not see it that way. Especially if what she can earn is a drop in the ocean compared to what he earns.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her starting a business - I did just that five years ago. But I also worked to cover my costs while doing so, and didn't expect DH to pick up my slack while I was still finding my feet and not earning a profit.

She has all day during the week to work on her business - if that's not possible and she has to get her husband home from work early several times a week so she can work on her portfolio, then maybe it's not a practical business idea right now.

"But MN hates SAHMs"

Most posts are supportive of SAHP in early years but recognise that it is less justifiable to stay a SAHP once kids are at school.

Usually there is an emphasis of equal division of labour and equal downtime for the full time and SAHP/ PT parent. This is clearly not happening here.

"I would bet damn good money that all her husband does is sit watching tv or scrolling on his phone when he's home with HIS children."

This is a sexist trope. We could equally assume then that the op was by her own admission a bored housewife who went on a photography course paid for with family money and now exploring a "career". It might be that she has rare talent and will take off like Facebook did ( her example). Perhaps her husband and friends have seen her work and assess things differently....

Well, considering we don't know what he earns or what she's aiming to earn, speculating about that is a bit redundant.

What we do know is that he doesn't want to finish work early 2-3 days a week and solo-parent for half of the weekend on top of a full time job while she brings home nothing and has all the weekdays to herself. Which is absolutely fair enough.

Picking up the slack....translation....parenting his own kids..

I am not going to support the sort of self pitying nonsense that has been posted on here about the OP providing "unpaid work".

I am not going to support the nonsense that "running a home" is a full time, exhausting job.

If "lifting women up" means going along with that, then count me out.

It's both. Yes, he's parenting his own kids but he's also doing it on top of being the only income provider while his wife faffs about on a hobby that doesn't yet make her any profit. If DH suggested I come home from work and solo-parented for 12 hours a week while he did a hobby business and had six hours a day to himself, I'd tell him to bugger right off.

I think it's a booth that goes to events, clubs etc.

You see , there are posts here that are clearly from women that are envious of other women who are SAHM !!
Envious, because financially OP is in a position to be able to stay at home account of her husband being a hire earner .
NoSoupForYou & your snidey comments
“ you didn’t do it because you wanted to support his career , you did it because you don’t want to work “
If you haven’t got anything helpful & nice to say
Please stop talking …

If "lifting women up" means going along with that, then count me out

Translation- how dare you ask this poor man to parent his kids. Get back down in your place, damn SAHM thinking they can improve their lives.

She has thirty hours a week child-free to work on a business and improve her life if that's what she wants to do.

You need a more supportive husband..

Nope, he's fantastic. We both run our own businesses and contribute equally to the running of our house. Neither of us take the piss with doing hobbies that don't earn anything and that force the other to pick up the slack at home.

I'm sad that you don't have a husband who would pick up the slack. You need a more supportive relationship..

There does seem to be an awful lot of mumsnetters who have very transactional relationships these days , I bring in this, you bring in this , therefore I pay 65% you pay 35% and therefore you do this amount of domestic stuff etc - I do find it weird. Not much ‘all in this together’ - I know plenty of SAHMs who have lots of time to themselves where H looks after his kids or takes them out somewhere whilst wife meets friends for hours or goes to visit parents or does a bit of voluntary or trains for hours at a time - whatever -and they aren’t bringing any money in either or working towards something that ‘may/may not’ make money - the only thing I would say OP is you do have a lot of time in the day to do stuff , so if it didn’t work out I would maybe look for an outlet with slightly less unsociable hours if he’s proving to not being happy to step up .

and I disagree with many others I don’t think it would make jack shit difference if it was a paid job - if they aren’t short of cash I think he would still be resentful of his time not being 100% his own .
when cash is short and fir plenty of mumsnetters it is- money assumes a massive importance and very understandably so - whose doing what hours, how much, who has paid for what etc - when people have plenty arguments are often more about perceived injustices on self time , hobbies etc

On the contrary, I believe if you love your partner, you shouldn't be putting them into the position of having to pick up the slack while you indulge in your expensive hobby.

I also never said he wouldn't pick up the slack. I said I'd never put him in that position because that's a shitty thing to do unless it's unavoidable.

Who thinks bagging a husband is a meal ticket?

She did unpaid work and has acknowledged it’s time for her to try and bring in an income.

Every business on earth is therefore an “expensive hobby” till it turns a profit. Although I doubt her business is particularly expensive.

There should be a time limit on it but it’s not unusual for spouses to support each other. Relationships are not always 50/50. They should be over time on average but sometimes in the short term one spouse needs more support than the other.

The MNs who think his objection is that her business is not profitable are delusional.

He does not want to do more at home and that problem will be a problem no matter how much she earns.

Every business on earth is therefore an “expensive hobby” till it turns a profit. Although I doubt her business is particularly expensive.

Yep, I know - both DH and I run our own businesses.

But when we were both starting up, we did it in a way that it didn't force the other person to pick up extra work at home - at least, not without sitting down and saying "look, I need to X on Saturday - can you please do Y for me and I'll do it for you on Wednesday". Because I think that's just basic respect in a marriage.

The people calling it a “hobby” are missing that she is turning down work due to him.

OP sadly no matter what you do, if he has to so more domestic work he will have an issue.