Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

Like my parents? Who still love each other and spending time together?

Or DHs? 55 years down the line and still like to be together.

I consider it luck that I met DP in the first place - compatibility is very rare - but it wasn't luck that I decided to commit to him long-term. I thought about it for years and it was a very conscious decision.

I'm constantly amazed not just by the women who hate their husbands but by how many women seem to know nothing about their husbands' personalities. Every day we see threads along the lines of "my husband of 15 years isn't talkative, he's always been like this, what do I do" - perhaps notice what his personality was like before marrying him?

I'm not sure this is just limited to husbands though. Plenty of MNers also seem to hate their friends. I'm just baffled at how many people seem to let their social circles happen passively to them. Are they aware they can choose their friends and their husband?

I feel genuinely sorry for any woman I meet when I find out she has a husband. :)

I was very lucky to meet him as we lived 200 miles apart and happened to both be working away and he happened to walk into where I was working. Lots of factors that may never have happened.

But I did the same, thought about whether we should live together hard, thought about whether I wanted to make him my "forever" person. We were together years, and had lived together, before we even considered getting engaged or anything more serious than sleeping in the same bed in the same house.

I have friends who hitched themselves to the first man that showed any interest and they are in that cohort of people who hate their spouse now. At the time I was told I was giving myself a "reputation" for having had more than one boyfriend (it was four "boyfriends" and a few dates, hardly sleeping around, and I was "single" for 2 years before I met DH, handful of dates but didn't like them enough to do more than dinner/film). Weirdly though, having spent some time working out what I did/didn't want, I'm now happily married and we've been together nearly 2 decades.

Choosing your circle is very important.

I love my husband so much and enjoy spending time with him: he’s so funny and good fun to be around, so handsome I fancy him loads and he’s the most amazing dad. sometimes though, I do fantasise about never seeing his annoying face ever again. Ha ha. It’s part of marriage, I’m sure he hates me too sometimes. Doesn’t last long but sometimes me hating him briefly makes me realise why I love him, why are we like this? Hahaha

I feel sad for you that someone else's marital status has such an impact on you.

Because most women- whether we like it or not- settle, and this is mainly because, as @jhound alludes to, most (not all) women want children- it's not as simple as waiting around for Mr Perfect, and that urge for children trumps everything: They could wait for the perfect guy, but they then run the risk of never having children, so they choose whichever "ok" man can make that happen. I've also seen similar happen with groups of women in their late 20s-early 30s- all of a sudden everyone seems to start getting engaged/married/pregnant. It seems to set off a chain reaction and they seem to scramble to find any man who is willing to put a ring on it/have a baby. These men are nearly always wayyyy less than perfect and seem to be the type that are happy with anything with a vagina (so not choosy at all).

It's only after the kids come along, and when the baby blinkers are off, that the wife realises how useless/boring/unattractive/what a twat he actually is, whilst the husband is resentful because all of her energy and attention goes on the kids- he is now surplus to requirements now that she has the children and the home she wanted (apart from a second income (or even the main income if shes a SAHM) and an extra pair of hands around the house). But she doesn't want to be a single mum, lose the home and share 50/50 custody, and he doesn't want to be alone nor lose his money and his housemaid, so they just trundle along until they can no longer bear it/the kids leave home. They bitch to their friends about each other to let off steam, but they won't leave. That's most people's reality.

Ignore the miserable posters on here OP. Your marriage sounds lovely x

What are you talking about? It has zero impact on me. I just think about all the things she will be putting up with.

I love my husband but I married him because he’s supportive, kind, patient and generally a decent bloke who takes on his load of childcare and chores without complaining.

But he’s not my best friend, I had my best friends before I met him. Obviously I like to spend special occasions with him; especially ones involving the kids. But we’re not joint at the hip. We both have separate interests and hobbies and we enjoy our time doing things for and by ourselves and whenever we fancy it 😌

All the things I'm putting up with are being loved, good sex, sharing the financial, emotional and physical chores/costs/problems. Having someone to take over if I need a minute. Someone bringing me a coffee on a morning.

Don't project your own hatred of men onto all women with husbands. Many of us actually like them.

Likewise, the poor men who have to put up with moaning whining hags who watch Loose Women for their daily fix of sisterhood solidarity.

Ha, I'm very similar. I did spend my 20s sleeping around, and luckily had a non-judgmental social circle who did much the same thing so didn't get told any nonsense like that. But I'd have only got into a relationship with someone who really, really enhanced my life; there was no guarantee of that coming along so in the meantime I just had casual sex.

It was such a huge thing for me to overcome my commitment-phobia with DP. We went out for years, then lived together for years, and only when I really felt I knew him inside out, and we'd supported each other through some extremely low moments, and I'd thought about how I'd feel in 10, 20, 30 years' time, and I'd weighed up his few flaws against his many positive attributes... only then did I commit in my own head. And we weren't even going to bring any children into it.

A lot of people overlook basic incompatibility and I'm just perplexed as to why.

I just cannot fathom people marrying each other then literally not wanting to spend time together. What’s the point?

Gee whizz - let me think now.... try getting an imagination - that could help

For someone who claims to be so blissfully content, you certainly are defensive. Also remarkably humourless. Namaste.

Lovely.

Namaste 💅

This is sad to read as a child-free woman. I would have thought wanting children was a reason to think harder and be pickier about the man you'd be inextricably tied to.

It's so important to teach young women never to settle.

Humourless because my humour doesn't include hating?

Heard it all now.

This! The whole “I can’t understand people who choose to see their friends over their husband” well because I’d have no friends if I never chose seeing them over my husband occasionally? 😂 surely theres a balance and I can want to spend time with both equally

@TessTimoney

If this is actually true, then why the fuck have you not told your sister this?

You are letting her live a lie. Staying married to a man - and probably having children with a man, who fancies her sister/is secretly pining for her sister.

Are you for real? Are you seriously not going to tell her?!

Wow. Any good, decent person would tell their sister if the sister's husband kept hitting on them. Tell her FGS!

@heathcliffsdirtyfingernails is clearly projecting how miserable she is onto you. Take no notice.

This is an odd thread as some people are responding to the question in the title: “Why do some women not like their husbands?” and some are responding to the scenario the OP describes, which is about a friend spending time apart from her husband, not disliking him!

I think the disconnect is that the OP ascribes a cultural significance to Easter Sunday and for her it’s almost like spending Christmas Day apart, although probably not as extreme as that. Whereas I think for a lot of people on this thread, if you’re not religious and aren’t seeing extended family it’s basically just another day in a long weekend, so they don’t see a couple making separate plans as a big deal.

🙄

That's not what my comment said. Try and calm down and quit with the personal attacks.