Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

I've been with my husband for nearly 20yrs. We're bringing up 2 kids together. I love my husband and still love time with him.

I’ve been married 12 years and love my husband, probably more than when we got married. I still very much enjoy time away from him because he gets on my pip and i like to see my friends. I also get on his nerves and he appreciates time away from me! We appreciate the time we have together because we’re not together constantly.

The feelings mutual, I'm sure.

Quite a lot of women marry men they don't really love because they want someone to father their kids and pay the bills.

Not all couples are co-dependent and have a healthy social life.

A "healthy" social life is subjective.

I see my friends less than my sister sees hers. But she is incredibly sociable whereas I need more alone time to recharge - too much "peopleing" and I'm drained and exhausted and no use to anyone.

DH being around doesn't have the same effect, he's a very grounding presence for me, so naturally I spend more time with him than my friends, because I can use it as time to recharge as well as "socialising".

What works for one doesn't for another.

She can find out from some of the other women he flirts with!. They have less to lose than me.

If I overheard my husband flirting with my sister (more likely than any other woman, given our family connection), I'd be furious with him but even more furious with her for letting him do it without telling me. I'd probably never forgive her.

If she told me, I might be upset with her at first but I would come round.

But you can run that risk, it's your life. And hers.

Eh? It's not a MN thing to think that abusive men show their abuse after a woman has children. Why would anyone make up something like that? Of course abusive men aren't the norm. The point isn't that abusive men are the norm, the point is that subsection of men who are abusive often hold back on their full abuse for years, exhausting considerably as time goes on and after children.

It tends to be the type of woman who has a hopelessly inflated opinion of their attractiveness (in the broadest sense, not just looks) to the opposite sex and in reality is really just hating their own inability to find someone better.

Wow

It's actually the opposite. Men become closer to their wives/partners pre and post pregnancy.
The normal ones anyhow.

That’s not the opposite. That’s a completely different topic.

It is not mythology but reality that for women who experience intimate partner abuse, it frequently starts when she is pregnant, i.e trapped.

It’s why you had to try and “No True Scotsman” your comment.

This makes no sense.

So your rationale is the following; Women marry men that are NEVER abusive. They then have children with said Non abusive partner/husband. Then partner/husband goes through some of kind of metamorphosis (not yet scientifically diagnosed in over 250 years of Psychoanalysis) these men then become violent and abusive thugs. Please attach the relevant scientific study of this male centric human behaviour from the lancet or other medical journals. If not, get a life stop gaslighting all men, it's embarrassing. It may be your unique experience it's certainly not common, the rabbit hole of MN is NOT the real world. #Learn

Some people are couple people, which is great until one of them dies. Some people spread their love around between several people, which may mean they don't have that intimate day-to-day with one person, but they are much better at living alone. Regardless of how happy your marriage is, one of you will die and leave the other one desolate.

What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Where's your evidence for this, exactly? Andrew Tate?

Answer the question or Fuck off your self..see we can all be rude.

How are men being gaslit?

The number of attractive and interesting women you see with pretty dreary men.

Actually, I've seen two of my friends do it. They wanted the "husband, house children" life, married the first semi interested guy they found and are currently miserable and constantly asking me whether they are expecting too much.

Oh two of your friends have done it.

Ok then.

But seriously I am sure women do do this.

But people often tell women not to be picky so what do people expect? Add in the biological clock. and Bob’s Your Uncle.

Why do you assume this means the woman does not find him attractive?

So, OP, you'll never have a Saturday with you and your friend and her child, doing something you all particularly enjoy, because of some fixed and dare I say, judgemental, idea that you have in your head that you should only be enjoying a day out with your child, accompanied by their father? If you're actually deadly serious and not virtue signalling as many on here understandably suspect, you need to be aware that your narrow view of what is right and proper in a marriage is likely to bite you on the behind some time soon I fear.

For instance, with the mindset you describe, if real, you're going to feel seriously bewildered if your husband plans a day away from you when he could be spending it with you and the kids aren't you? And yet in a normal healthy marriage, this is a perfectly normal healthy plan to have sometimes. And you DO know that marriage does not require you to totally think with the same mind all the time I hope? So he could very well not be completely on the same page as you all the time.

Further, many parents work shifts and can't often plan these storybook days together with the kids. Hopefully they can sometimes but other days spent with friends and their children can not only be a great alternative but actually, equally fulfilling. Some friendships are a lot closer then just the type that meet for coffee.. or yoga.. or workplace banter.. or something you seem to be telling yourself (and mumsnet) is what female friendships should be all about

I mean, by all means, you do you.. but preferably without judging others for how they conduct their family life.. and also, bearing in mind that spending time with friends really doesn't mean people dislike their partners or 'prefer' their friends.

You need a broader view OP and I hope for your sake, this will come with time and maturity.