Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

Both of these women were teenagers who were obsessed with finding a boyfriend. They both leapt at any lad who showed any interest, and then cried for weeks when it turned out he did not want to get married and have children young.

One chased after a lad who had been out with my friend, asked me out, then another friend when I said no. She actively went after him and then told me I was jealous when I said be careful, he seems fickle. She married him, he had numerous affairs, she's now a single parent to five children.

It wasn't me that said it originally, but I've seen it happen. Some women do just want that life and will turn a blind eye to red flags being waved right in their face.

I've been married over 25 years. On the basis that if we ever start being like that we'll break up!

I personally don't get why people stay together if they dislike each other and to some extent don't have sex either. I just don't see the point.

We are very financially tied to each other so it would be tricky to divorce etc but I really don't understand why you would stay together.

When we were just friends my DH said it's better to be single than be miserable as a couple.

I know but with societal pressure “not be picky” and also the biological clock, it’s not surprising some women settle in this manner.

I know lots of women who would never settle in this manner and for most it meant foregoing motherhood (myself included).

Agreed, OP even mentions her friends in the first post, yet she's being accused of not having friends, not valuing the friendships and being told having a husban as a bff is wrong.

Female best friends can let you down too.

OP meant on big holidays but so called educated people pretending not to get it so they can be nasty.

Because they're the type that nobody could find attractive. There are lots of attractive women and so few attractive men. And so few that anyone could be genuinely in love with. The majority of women must be marrying for other reasons. (And a lot of men seem to marry for regular sex and someone to do the housework).

I think because you “signed up” to stay together?
It’s the concept of a higher ideal. I guess it’s why people fight wars even though they know they’ll get blown up.
I know it makes sense to say “I’m leaving”but marriage is richer poorer / better worse. It’s hard to go back on something you made vows to do, even though it might be for the best.

Same! 30 years and 3 kids. Of course I love him but don’t feel the need to spend every waking minute together.

What do you mean “nobody could find attractive”. Who determines loads of women are attractive but few men are?

Attraction is subjective not objective. There is no such this as being unattractive to everybody.

What you find unattractive is not true for all women.

@PickledElectricity he obviously doesn’t leave the wet towel on the bed, or his socks next to the laundry basket rather than inside it. He gets up early and helps with the kids. He is the first one to sacrifice his person time/hobbies/money etc for the greater good of the family, he takes the dog out without being asked atleast twice..and the bins…
she is one lucky fish!

Gosh. I'm older than most here. Recently widowed after 43 years together. I adored him. He cracked me up laughing. He was kind, gentle, quiet, practical, super intelligent, and really beautiful. I have loads of lovely women friends. But I used to hate being away from him for any length of time. We talked all the time, were never bored. Just far happiest when we were together. Of course we rowed and had niggles. But life without him is utterly crap, even though my kids are with me loads and are beyond wonderful. I can fill my time but it is nothing more than that. I was an independent person before him, and I can make a life that's better than some, but it's such a pale shadow of what I had. I am a far better person for having him in my life and he would say the same.

I think it sounds as if I was lucky.

“I know several couples who are perfectly happy. Haven’t spoken in years.”

The Dowager Countess of Grantham

It's really sad though that it seems out of fashion to genuinely like your DH. Or still love him or find him attractive. I've had people get angry and upset or call me deluded because he hasn't been unfaithful and I still love him to bits.

I'm not deluded... He can be annoying etc. But actually going out with him to the pub is far more fun than going without him.

I'm all for the higher ideal of staying together but at least let some of us enjoy it!

@Muddlingalongsomehow I'm very sorry for your loss. Your relationship with your dh sounds like it was wonderful & not everyone gets to experience that. You must miss him hugely.

Why don't you ask them if they are your good friends? But, tbh, I think you are being lazy not to have worked it out as a Mumsnetter! Surely you have seen the threads from women whose husbands turned out to be arseholes? Or women who settled for someone 'nice' in order to have children?

Extremely touching, and sad. I am absurdly old; lived with or married 6 women. I stayed friends with all of them except one after we split. The exception was the one who cleaned me out big time financially - but I don't blame her, as my cock was always my compass. Now I live with my last partner, her husband and their little daughter - but as a lodger. We get on very well. A wise man once said life is queerer than we imagine or can imagine.

OP I feel the same as you. My husband is my best friend and we really enjoy spending time with each other and our children. That doesn’t however mean we’re joined at the hip or have no other close friends like most other commenters seem to think on this thread. Certainly our relationship has mostly been the opposite of ‘joined at the hip’ over the years - coping with long distance, having our own interests and friendships, visiting family and friends without the other etc. But we do just really enjoy being in each other’s company and I feel very grateful for that.
I do read many comments on this forum where women seem to be in very unhappy relationships and I think that’s a great shame. I suspect the other comments on here are from women who have found themselves to be generally dissatisfied or unhappy in their relationships and therefore simply don’t want to spend time with their spouses. Again, that is a great shame.
OP, as one other commenter said ‘you do you’ I’m glad you’re in a happy relationship,
don’t be made to feel guilty about this!

I honestly think that people who still adore their husbands after more than a few years are very much in the minority, especially after they have kids. Finances are a big thing keeping a lot of couples together, even after the kids have flown the nest.

What do you mean ‘some women’ I thought it was a truth universally acknowledged that we all dislike our husbands?! 😜

I know lots of women who won't settle either. Myself included, I didn't.

I was just giving examples of women who would, because a PP suggested some do and it was pooh poohed.

You know those men do exist, right? I've never had to remind DH to take the dog out or the bins. He gets out of bed before me most mornings to make sure he is ready on time to spend time with DD before he leaves for work cos he starts early and wants to see her.

Sometimes he leaves clothes next to the laundry basket, but so do I, neither of us are fussed about that. We also both do washing.

It's a radical idea, I know, but some women got lucky and some women genuinely like their husbands.

If it helps in some small way, our aforementioned friends went through something similar but in another field.

it felt to those of us on the sideline (who were trying to maintain the fence sitting option) that his use by date suddenly expired when he could no longer do what he was doing before.

In urgent need of an operation, which is being manhandled badly in every way possible, he has temporarily lost everything. And shortly after, his wife who he is no longer good enough (useful) for…

I think this post explains it. Most parents will do things for the DC that the DC will enjoy but it’s not particularly important as a family therefore there is no need putting both parents through it. Me and my DP will do this often not because we don’t enjoy spending time together but because there is no need for us both to be there doing nothing one of us could be at home doing something which benefits the family long term while the kids are entertained.

This doesn't make sense.
Why would you be happy about friends hating their husbands, meaning they're in an unhappy marriage 🤔.

Strange to base likability to hating a husband/father to their kids.

Sounds like one of those women who thrive through other people's pain.

Awe , that’s so lovely PP that you met your soul mate in life 🥰 .. lots never do 🤷🏻‍♀️….
I’m so sorry to hear that he has passed ..
Yes , very lucky indeed to have found one another . I know lots of gloomy stories on this , your story gives me faith though , I still haven’t met my forever partner , hopefully though 🤞☺️

Wait until you’ve been married for 40 years, kids have gone and you’re both retired!