Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

But I don't think anyone on this thread has said that. The vast majority cetainly haven't.

The OP is "getting a hard time" because of her ridiculous assumption that choosing to spend part of a day without your husband, is because they "don't like their husband".
Everyone is pointing out to her that isn't the reason at all.

Yet, if you read through this thread, you will see loads of posters saying they are happily married (and have friends they like to spend time with). No-one has called us smug.

What the OP said is completely different.

I love hanging out with my DH more than anyone else, he’s genuinely my best friend. That said I have other friends and sometimes DH and I fall into a pattern of talking about house stuff and kids and I want an actual break from that. We also have no childcare help so 99% of the time we’re off work, the kids are also with us. Therefore to get a break I hang with my mates.

Many women realise too late that they’re married to a degenerate and it’s not that easy to split, however, they minimise time spent with them and rightly so.

Be grateful you’re not in that situation and don’t get too smug about it because none of us know what tomorrow may bring. Also it’s a bit crappy making people who are potentially in unhappy relationships feel even worse on their bank holiday day off.

@Gymmum82 was obviously pointing out that most of us would consider our friends to be people we can relax with and - if ever needed - share our deepest worries, secrets, and thoughts to. Not sure why that calls for such a sarky comment ?

I must just have better ‘best friends’

That's why.

Myself and my husband both work full time and every other family we know either has both parents working full time or close to it. Yet it's only here that I see this concept of "protected family time" and that families don't see anyone else outside their own nuclear families at a weekend. No one in real life seems to live this way.

There's 52 weekends and a 100 weekend days in a year. And this doesn't include evenings or holidays either. I find it quite sad that some parents won't allow their children to attend parties or play dates because it'll somehow interfere with family time despite the fact there is ample other weekends or time through the year children can spend with their family.

We're busy most weekends seeing other families or having play dates or going to kids parties. It was one of the most things I was looking forward to as a parent, the fun of getting together with other families as it was how I grew up. For me it's a win win situation. We get to know other parents, share our experiences with them and make bonds with other families and our children get the fun and memories of playing together and building friendships.

For who's benefit is it that children can't go to parties or playdates because they must every minute out of the 52 available weekends a year with their parents? It seems such an isolated way to live.

I think some husbands are very demanding and so time spent with them can be quite draining, whereas your friends aren’t really expecting anything of you other than just being yourself.

Yup, completely agree.

Well, we do lots of things together but Easter morning I spent at church with my children and he stayed home as he's Muslim. Why you would pretend to be "baffled" by not seeing someone with their partner is very strange to me.

The same reason some men don’t like their wives!

1. Attraction is a purely emotional thing and cannot be controlled i.e. you don't choose who you are attracted too.
2. A good husband or at least the type of man most likely to be a good husband can be worked out logically, but falling in love is not done by logic, see 1. above.
3. Intuition is massively overrated and not all it is cracked up to be. People love to tell you when their intuition (i.e. guesswork) came off but never tell you when it failed, and it WILL have failed multiple times in the past.

@Surferosa

Myself and my husband both work full time and every other family we know either has both parents working full time or close to it. Yet it's only here that I see this concept of "protected family time" and that families don't see anyone else outside their own nuclear families at a weekend. No one in real life seems to live this way.

There are people who live like this: it's the same subset of posters who are always going on about "my little family", who believe its rude and intrusive for people to be expected to socialise occasionally with work colleagues and who talk about friends representing "drama" which they would rather avoid and basically treat any friendly overture as highly suspicious. They will usually also self-describe as "introverts" (although they're not actually introverts, they are misanthropes who are just fundamentally uncomfortable with the idea of anyone being socially relaxed).

They are the modern day version of the parents of a friend I had as a teenager who spend all weekend at home in front of the TV with the curtains drawn, wouldn't let their daughter out of the house after 6pm, would never allow her to attend sleepovers or have guests over and wouldn't let her go on school trips because "we prefer to spend our free time as a family" or "we don't do that as a family".

She left home at 17 to live in a flat to do her A-levels because she found the setup unbearably stifling.

You are more or less begging your kids to run away from home if you behave like this.

I spend all my time with my husband. He’s my best friend and the best husband.

I have friends and family who pretty much only spend time with their other halves on holidays or events (weddings etc). Even evenings are spent in different rooms watching different programmes.

yes these people have been together for a long time so it clearly ‘works’ but it seems miserable to me. No nipping to a garden centre or a trip to the cinema, no walk around a beauty spot or even cuddled on sofa watching a film, just 2 weeks of holiday a year.

Ok , so you’re starting to sound quite daft !
Firstly, it’s great you & your husband & kids are a happy unit ..
Secondly, I don’t see the issue with friends wanting to hang out on a Sunday together with their kids ..
Obviously there is a problem if couples never want to spend time together..
You saying though , why did they get married in the first place , surely you have to know , some people get married & then they just grow apart 🤷🏻‍♀️.
I wouldn’t be jumping to conclusions & saying to myself, I can’t understand why so & so got married just cause I don’t see them with their husbands on a Sunday though !

They can get quite irksome as time goes on. 😂

Some couples just shouldn’t be together. We have friends who separated late last year after 4 years. They never spent the weekends with each other and he was clearly unhappy, drinking too much. She was off with her friends doing a particular hobby interest which expanded her circle excluding him. From that she met people who didn’t share interests that Hubby had, so more division away from the marriage. She didn’t want him around when her friends visited either.

it’s blinking sad to watch. Should never have happened

My Sister talks about her husband exactly like you. Her husband keeps trying it on with me - said he'd married the wrong sister!! If I told her she would be destroyed.

She was responding to the post saying that, the poster couldn't confide in women she called her best friends.
I have to agree, if your "best friends" are people you can't confide in, then they really aren't good friends.

That's hardly contentious.

The post she was replying to was me. But thanks for explaining it to me.

You should tell her, because by keeping it from her you're letting her live a lie and just watching it happen.

She deserves the chance to find someone who loves her.

She'd blame me and cut me out of her life rather than lose him!

It would be her choice though. If she finds out some other way she'll feel like you were laughing at her behind her back and you'll lose her for definite.

I think she’s a bit of both!

So in your view because they don’t always spend Sundays together, they are in unhappy marriages or don’t want to spend time with their husbands? Are you really that sheltered that you think because someone lives their life slightly differently to yours, that they don’t like their spouse? I meet up with a particular friend, plus my kids and her kids, approximately one weekend a month, sometimes on a Saturday or sometimes (shock horror) on a Sunday. Our husbands sometimes come but often don’t as they have other things on. I spend all week with my husband and most weekends, but not 24 hours a day - we have separate hobbies (as well as ones we both enjoy), and our kids have different hobbies too. To be honest I find couples who spend all their time together to be a little weird. My husband and I love each other and are ‘best friends’ as well I guess, but we aren’t clinging to each other like two little limpets on a rock - we enjoy time together AND apart and that is totally normal and healthy for a relationship. We’ve always been the same and have travelled the world together, lived and worked abroad and in the uk - been together 22 years, married 18.

We frequently spend half of Sunday apart as one son plays rugby (which I tend to take him to) and my husband takes the opportunity to spend quality one to one time with our other child. Then in the afternoon we might do something altogether as a family, or we might not. When I go out with a friend and her kids I’m not replacing my husband with that friend!

Chance plays a big part in relationships - and life generally. One of my sons is a musician. He and his wife married when he was riding high. Not long after Covid happened. Things out of his hands meant he lost valuable contracts abroad. Now his earnings are sketchy; he can't support as he did. He has no other talent. His wife now sees him as a liability. Their marriage has collapsed. Very sad.