Awkward shopping trip with MIL

[Harriett9]

I feel a bit awkward about a shopping trip I had with my MIL yesterday.

I gave birth 7 months ago, my DH was initially understanding in the first few months that I didn’t want to be intimate but he has become more frustrated recently.

My body has changed and I feel uncomfortable with my stomach. We’d been in a few shops and MIL suggested we visited a lingerie store. She pointed out a few outfits which would cover my stomach and said that ‘I’m sure DH would appreciate it, he has been working hard and you two deserve some alone time’.

When I got home I asked DH if he was aware she was going to do this and he said yes.

AIBU to find this really uncomfortable and inappropriate?

Your SIL probably isn’t “at it’” but your MIL is obviously trying to make you feel shit about how long you’ve left it and the SIL is in on the guilt trip too, so they’re probably lying about it in order to make you feel like you’re being unreasonable.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. All of these fucking clowns can get themselves to the very far end of fuck.
It's not unreasonable for your husband to want to have sex again at some point, but what in holy hell makes him think that getting his mummy and smug-arsed SIL involved is a good idea??
His job is to love and support you, and to make your life easier. If he doesn't see how that might actually make you feel a bit more like being intimate again then he's a fucking bigger idiot than he sounds.

I would of told her to buy it in her size and put it on for her son.

I also hope whenever you see your MIL now you make a point of asking loudly about her sex life and if they are still doing it regularly and how's she dealing with the post menopause vaginal dryness? Would she require any lube recommendations?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@thepariscrimefiles Women who boast about their perfect birth experiences when they know that the person they are talking to had a more traumatic time are pretty toxic.

Ugh, I used to have a cousin like that. Very competitive about not using pain relief. I ended up not having kids, but if I had, I was going to tell her how I had a Caesarian with no pain relief and that it went on for three days! 😂 She showed off about being pregnant, showed off about breastfeeding, showed off about not having pain relief...it was like she found some kind of superiority in the whole thing. Very odd, the way she turned into Princess Fecund!

I wonder will he tell his mates he got mummy to bring you out lingerie shopping.

I also wonder how he'd feel if you discussed that with your friends.

I'm just waiting to see what the OP is proposing to do now ...

Oh sweetheart. This is no way to live.

Ask yourself if you could enjoy sex or sexual acts from him when you knew he was uncomfortable and didn't want to. Then ask yourself why it isn't the same for him.

ugh, that’s absolutely awful OP. Can’t believe your DH would discuss this with his MOTHER. Grim. And for your mil to say he’s been “working hard” ?!?!?!

I had a traumatic birth with my first and I wasn’t up for sex for ages. It was about a year before we started having regular sex again. I had a broken down episiotomy and lots of scar tissue which made sex uncomfortable for a long time. So you’re not the only one and there will be many other women out there who are similar (haven’t rtft so apologies if I’ve missed other posters sharing similar stories).

He’s discussed your sex life with his mum, his sister and his friends. And he’s trying to coerce you into sex before you’re ready. He doesn’t seem to care about the trauma you’ve been through, he just cares about getting his end a way.

He's a complete and utter twat I’m afraid OP. And his mum and sister sound horrific.

but he is getting increasingly frustrated and me just seeing to him in other ways isn’t enough for him anymore and he says none of his friends had to wait this long. I am not saying I won’t ever be intimate again and I know it’s important but I’m just not comfortable at this precise moment

Well, isn't he a delight?
Genuinely, in your shoes I'd reconsider the whole marriage over this.

Coercive, selfish, whiny creep.

It was seven months ago, not a few. And @Blackdow was absolutely right. It’s fine for now as it’s still early days, but it’s not something that can be ignored forever and it will get worse the longer it’s left.

Seven months is plenty of time to get back into some sort of sex life (albeit perhaps sporadic as it can be with young children) and the fact this hasn’t happened in any way yet, and she’s not keen, suggest a far deeper issue. She has admitted this - a confidence issue, and this won’t go away on its own.

Perhaps some form of counselling will be needed in the future.

Male perspective here.

i can’t believe what I just read. Bloke discussing sex with his mum? What a bloody creepy weirdo.

This is NOT normal.

Wow. They're all awful.

Just FYI. I am 8 months pp and we've had sex 3 times. In addition to the only 2 times when i was pregnant. It's just still quite uncomfortable. I've had zero pressure from DH and he understands how hard it is for me. The body changes, the recovery, the sleepless nights. They all take a toll.

Look up ‘enmeshment’ and see if what it describes fits your husband and MIL’s situation. This is not normal behaviour for an adult son and his mother. Something is seriously wrong in their family relationship. It usually doesn’t change without therapy.

I agree, and I'm actually worried if the marriage is going to survive this.

I can't imagine OP is going to feel like going anywhere near him for a long time, and rightly so. By the same token it sounds like he's not going to put up with the status quo much longer.

I'm really not sure where they can go from here. Not without the OP capitulating, and I really hope she doesn't.

It doesn't sound like she is the one who needs to be fixed here.

@Harriett9, this is twisted and messed up in a multitude of ways. The enmeshment in H’s family is off the charts, as both he and SIL are sharing details of their sex lives with MIL.

Your entitled, self-serving H is a sex pest who couldn’t care less about your pain and discomfort after giving birth to his baby. He has massively breached your trust and consent by recruiting his mother and sister to collude as his flying monkeys to pressure you to provide sex. This is a heinous betrayal, as was discussing your intimate life with his friends.

The lack of appropriate boundaries in the culture of this family is disturbing, @Harriett9, and it won’t stop here. I would distance myself from these people, and that includes ending the marriage.

Every update you post, it somehow gets worse, @Harriett9 😭

You sound resigned and sad, and to be honest, I really hope you find your anger soon.

Instant ick.....he'd be waiting a very long time if that were me 🤮

Ewwww why is this man complaining to his mum that he's not getting enough sex and either of them thinking the normal thing to do would be for to take you lingerie shopping.

I mean, if you've got the balls. Ask her to come shopping with you again. And really push the groseness, try an outfit on, get down on your knees and ask her if she thinks her son will get hard seeing you like this. Take her over to the toys section and ask her if she thinks her son would like a prostate massager or even a pegging "has he ever mentioned anything to you about being interested in anal play?" "You know him better than me, what size cock ring do you recommend"

And Google new techniques for hand/blow jobs and just as he's enjoying himself tell him his mum showed you that trick. Talk dirty about his mum the whole time. Damn ask her if you can borrow her lingerie then when he says you look great tell him it's his mums and does he want to see the picture of her wearing it.

The disrespect, the selfishness, the blatant disregard for what you have been through and what you are feeling. Fuuuuck me. Don't ever touch this man man's genitals again without turning it into a comedy skit about mother son incest.

Ask him if he wants to watch porn while you give him oral then mum mother son porn on.

Do not let this man and his family strong arm you into letting him have sex with you when you don't want to.

Or explain "you know I don't want to have sex. Do you actually want to have sex with me knowing I don't want to? " "I'm telling you I don't want to have sex, I don't give my enthusiastic consent, do you know what it would be called if you had sex with me without me wanting it?" "Do you understand what you're trying to do?" Really spell it out.

It gets worse.

You’ve been giving him blow or hand jobs while your needs are being ignored and yet he’s still whining to his family and mates. Urgh!!

i am really sorry you’re in this situation with this vile sexist pig and his interfering family who have no empathy for what you have endured.

He's disgusting and he's completely out of line. As is his mum.
Leave him, go stay with your parents, look into separating
He has no respect for you

Love it.

Fuck me down