Room allocation for SC

[Withoutfearorfavour]

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage.
4 bedrooms
I have one child full time.
He has one twice a week.
I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc.

Shes not a guest.
We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study.
So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair.
But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms.

What do you think?

Is this for real 😳 are you barred from the spare/office room ? Are you buying a house as a committed couple or for a house share ? NOBODY splits the finances by how many rooms they use in their HOME.

It’s very different if you meet when you’ve both got nothing and you build a world together
Very different.
The reality of it is, I will have his child living with us for at least another 14 years
Mine, whilst he’s there longer on a day-to-day basis probably only has another three years before university.
And that’s fine. I’m totally ready for that.
He has 14 years of child-support payments to make and rightly so I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Exactly! At this rate my husband would make me pay more of the mortgage as I work from home and use the study nearly 100% of the time! And also the kitchen, utility room etc as I am the main cook! 😂 No one looks at room usage with such detail unless you are looking at sharing a room in a house with strangers and each paying your own bills.

Don't buy a house together.

Just don't.

If you have been bitten before by a previous partner then I can understand you being cautious but I still don't see how allocating costs according to how many rooms you use can work practically. You say you only use one and a half bedrooms (presumably you share with DP and your child has the use of one). Are the guests purely the DPs as it sounds like his guests treat your DC as family and take you out to dinner so it sounds kind of mean to resent paying towards the guest room even if your DP uses it as a study too.

You say your childs father contributes towards all the costs for your child and you earn double your DP so quibbling over this sounds like you are either mean or are going to end up resentful so maybe you should not move in together. What does your DP say? Is he willing to step up a bigger deposit or pay more towards the mortgage on the understanding he keeps a bigger share of the house? Is your DP going to turn round and say you cannot have guests as you do not pay towards the room? What happens if your SC moves out and you use the room for something you want or you have another child together?

Wait, what? This doesn't make sense - unless you are splitting the bills three ways and your ex is paying one third? (Which would be batshit, but so is charging per room, sooooo.....)

If you split the bills 50:50 then he is still paying 50% of everything, regardless of where you get the money to pay for your half.

@Cornishclio the stepchild is a toddler. She won’t be moving out any time soon in the next 14 years.
There will be no more children
The one that will potentially be moving out is mine.
And yes that is how I calculate the contributions. I take out what my son costs in terms of a third. I pay a third and he pays a third despite the fact that he has his little guest twice a week. But given she’s so little, it doesn’t matter.

I would never have even considered splitting bills based on how much space you use in the house. I think that's really silly.
I would say that the guest room should double as an office. Unless guests are there full time and he can't work in there. In which case can you make desk space elsewhere? The children both do need their own rooms though or it won't be fair or nice for them.

Just don't buy a house together. You are obviously not ready for that sort of commitment. I get you've been screwed over in the past but this is a family home not a house share.

It doesn’t matter who uses which rooms most, if you buy a house, it’s an investment. If you pay half, you get half back if you sell. That is ring fenced so you can’t be done over. The alternative is to live separately or rent (which is a waste of money). Him using rooms more does not affect your assets in any way or what you’d get back if you split. It’s really a non-issue.

As far as using the word "investment," no. A house bought to live in is not an investment. Especially if you're not married to your co-owner, if the relationship doesn't work out.

I also would never allow such an extreme open-door policy of houseguests I don't know well. Not with a child in the home. My guess is that anyone so eager to have all these strangers traipsing through their home on an ongoing basis has not lived it.

I would also not assume you'll be together until his child support payments end. This whole thing doesn't sound very stable, to be honest.

Hang on a minute… how does he have a toddler if you’re ready to buy a place together? Did he and the mother split before their baby was born?

Yes

his little guest

You mean his child???

I mean you say that now... But once your son moves out are you then going to be resentful about your DP and his child support payments, or the fact you moved into a 4 bed over a 3?

Blending lives is exactly that. You're supposed to be looking forward to sharing a life with him, not fretting over if he should contribute extra money towards a study/guest room. If you're feeling like this now you should postpone buying together.

It all sounds very transactional and not as though you are ready to live as a family.

ETA: what are his thoughts on this?

I have almost exclusive use of the laundry room in my house. Certainly not my choice, but DH would have some balls to make me contribute more to the mortgage because of it!! 😄

No, because again I would be adamant that my child’s bedroom is always there for him as a security blanket. Should he ever need it until he has his own family.

More fool you !

Why on earth are you moving in with a man who has a 2 year old when your child is a teenager? Why would you do that to yourself? Add the constant guests on top and to be honest, I think you should stay as a dating couple and not live together.

In your situation I wouldn’t be living together. It makes zero sense to me and especially after only 2 years with a toddler and teenager.

There are too many issues - disparity in income, unequal assets, not enough bedrooms for all needs.

Then you have to work out the split for the deed of trust (I hope you’re buying as tenants in common) and the proportions left to each child plus your partner, life time interests in the property.

It is just one big no.

so, what would you be most comfortable with @Withoutfearorfavour

~14 years of accommodating someone else's child, in your home?

Does it sit well? If not, you really do need a hard think.

Life is not infinite.

Agree with PPs- if you’re already nitpicking and breeding resentment before you move in together, you’re not ready to live together.

Makes sense to have the study and guest room in one place if all of the overnight guests are DPs, as it makes it his responsibility to manage his guests/work so the space works.

Are the bedrooms similar sizes? Are there any additional downstairs spaces, e.g. an unused dining room ?

his little guest

She is his daughter!

You lucky duck. 😂