Room allocation for SC

[Withoutfearorfavour]

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage.
4 bedrooms
I have one child full time.
He has one twice a week.
I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc.

Shes not a guest.
We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study.
So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair.
But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms.

What do you think?

Sound sensible to me, and no don’t think he should pay more - unless you also work from home and need an office and will end up in the living room.

I’d suggest seeking agreement though that if he needs to work from home when he has guests he uses the desk in your step daughters room if she’s away - rather than spilling into the living room or kitchen.

Effectively he has 2 1/2 rooms and I have one and a half. For the same input of investment.
Obviously, the bills will be split 50-50. I’m not quibbling about those. Or counting how many sheets of toilet paper his mother uses when visiting. Guests are usually very generous when they stay and bring us lovely food or take us out for dinner so I say they’re absolutely no bother at all. Happy to have them.

It’s all family space isn’t it? I don’t think you can segment down those lines unless you literally draw lines down the middle of rooms. That’s a really sad way to think about a joint investment together.

Obviously bills will be split 50:50. So basically when it suits you you are happy to do 50:50? With your child there full time your family unit will be consuming more, but that doesn’t bother you?

but your child is there ALL the time and his child isn't, so how should he pay more? This would put me off living with you. I live with DH and 2 DSC 6nights out of 14 and I don't start doing mad calculations like this.

No he doesn't have more rooms than you.
As you can put your guests in the guest room too.
You could use the study too.

However I'm wondering how he/you would use the study if guests are staying in it?

If you want to pay per room occupied, get a house share. You’re either creating a shared family home or you’re not. Keeping a score on who uses each room and how much isnt how a partnership building a life together works, you aim to meet everyone’s needs as best as you can together.

It depends on his work/ the guests in terms of whether that combined space would
work. My wfh office is the spare room (we don’t have guests as often as you!) but when we have people for more than just overnight it does require thinking - so I will do my morning and afternoon meetings in the kitchen so they have their own space.

But you're not housemates! You don't allocate spend by room when you move in together. What a weird thread. If you're doing that you need to add in all the other rooms (kitchen, bathroom, lounge) and pay half each for those? Stop being odd.

Blimey.
You are combining your lives.
And investing in the house 50/50.
That's all

Go with office in the garden. Then both dc get a room and you have a guest room

But you have someone else in the house more, so why aren’t you paying more of the bills? Using your logic due to your child you are using more water, electric, gas, laundry detergent etc, so why aren’t you funding this? Interesting that you aren’t quibbling higher use when the higher use is directly related to you.

So, the bills will be 50:50 even though you’ll be eating more and using more gas and electric? Since your child is there full time and his isn’t.

I’m not actually saying you need to pay more but how is that different than him having more rooms?

People never stop amazing me. Can't get my head round the OPs approach to this. I would never move in with someone who would be so weird about a shared family space, I think she needs to tell her partner her thoughts so that he can make an informed choice about whether he still wants to move in with her. Imagine getting settled and only then finding out your partner wants to divide costs by who uses more rooms in the house.

If you think that he should pay more than 50% because he has a study, then by your logic, you should pay more than 50% of bills, because your child is there full time and his only 2 days. But this doesn't sound like a partnership so maybe you're better living separately!

OP I love the emphasis you have put into making your SC comfortable

This is nuts.

How does your child feel about having weekly visitors staying over? I would have hated it.

That’s an interesting point. Typically it happens when my child is out of the house visiting the other parent. But there is sometimes an overlap and so far it’s been fine. His mother treats my child like an additional grandchild.

This is absolutely bonkers. Have you raised this with him so that he knows to run a mile?!

I find your post a bit odd.

I don't understand why the felt you needed to express this the way you did:
"I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc."

Why so adamant? Surely it's obvious that she'd have her own room and decorated as she wants. Has he been making a fuss about this and that's why you have to be adamant? Are you talking about your daughter here and your step-daughter?

Each child has a room each.

The extra room will be a guest room/study.

YABVVVVU to want him to pay more than 50:50 because you've worked out you get the use of 1.5 rooms and he gets to use 2.5 rooms.
If you are talking like that you really shouldn't be buying together because that's no way to start a life together.

Can you not discuss this sensibly with him without having to be adamant?

Exactly this! Is he going to pay less bills because his DC uses less water, electricity and wifi than yours?

Clearly you are not ready to be a family, when you think about splitting the mortgage down to the rooms.

I’d put an extra bed in each child’s room so that they can share on occasion if required, and so that guests can sleep in SC’s room when she is not there. I’d have the study/guest room as a room that you can use as a study too.
You are going to be the person who ends up with no space of their own by default.

Teenage boy / toddler girl. Not practical or moral

How is that fair on SC? They have to share their room w their belongings with friends of their parents?
which teenager would be happy about that?

I agree with SchoolDilemma, if you're not a partnership, why are you sharing your life with him? It seems so transactional to be counting room use like this.