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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Room allocation for SC

326 replies

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 21:10

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage.
4 bedrooms
I have one child full time.
He has one twice a week.
I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc.

Shes not a guest.
We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study.
So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair.
But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms.

What do you think?

OP posts:
beetr00 · 19/04/2025 22:08

@Withoutfearorfavour It is all about the children, they each have a protected space

Isn't it? sod the weekly guests!!

It is concerning that you both think this should be an issue, at all. 😢

FallingIsLearning · 19/04/2025 22:09

If you’re committed enough to be buying a home together, now is the time to be less precise in your thinking about who uses more space and who consumes more of other resources. For the relationship to work, you need to be a bit relaxed about family space and family money. That doesn’t mean everything has to be pooled, but if there’s potential resentment about who uses more rooms, there’s a risk of resentment about who bought the weekly shop more often, who paid for more meals out etc.

in terms of the room space, things change over time. Assuming you both want this to be a long-term relationship, a time might come where you end up needing the home office space and he doesn’t. Or both children grow up and leave home, and you want to repurpose rooms as a craft room or a gym or whatever.

Also, if you are going to divide the cost such that he pays more at the purchase of the house, does that not mean he has more equity when it comes time to sell?

This is something that I would strongly advise isn’t worth nit-picking over.

Original poster
Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:09

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 22:08

@Withoutfearorfavour It is all about the children, they each have a protected space

Isn't it? sod the weekly guests!!

It is concerning that you both think this should be an issue, at all. 😢

They do.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 19/04/2025 22:09

Oh, I thought the visiting child was a girl, as you’d talked about doing the room up to her taste. Didn’t occur to me that it would be a toddler! Of course you can’t have them sharing, in that case.

RominaDina · 19/04/2025 22:10

You're not ready to move in together. You're too resentful that he has too my space, even though you have a child there full time.
This ought to have been discussed before you went house hunting. Not on the cusp of purchase.

Blogswife · 19/04/2025 22:11

You’re entering into a partnership with this man, it’s not a great start when you’re calculating how much you should both pay based on square footage of usage ! Anyway - based on your logic - if your DD is taking up a room wouldn’t that mean you should pay two thirds to his third ?

Matronic6 · 19/04/2025 22:12

You are buying a home together, not individual rooms. It's very strange thing to nitpick of you are building a life together. How do your salary's compare? Are you similar wages hence the 50/50?

Whynotaxthisyear · 19/04/2025 22:12

Nah. It's your joint home. Each child needs a bedroom. You'll all use the kitchen, bathrooms and reception rooms. Then there's another room that will have joint guests in (but probably more of his) and he'll sometimes work in. I don't call that 'him using more of the house'. You could say that by having a full-time child living there, you are 'using more of the house'. It doesn't work like that. You share a house.

JustMyView13 · 19/04/2025 22:13

You have a room as a couple.
DD has her own room.
DSS has his own room.
DP’s study has a guest bed in it.

You both have the same this way so 50:50 remains fair.
You both have a room each for your DC, you can both have a guest when it’s vacant in the guest room. And when it’s not in use DP is going to use it as a study. Seems fair enough.

Original poster
Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:13

Matronic6 · 19/04/2025 22:12

You are buying a home together, not individual rooms. It's very strange thing to nitpick of you are building a life together. How do your salary's compare? Are you similar wages hence the 50/50?

Overall i earn double.

Plus child support which covers all of my DC’s expenses.

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 19/04/2025 22:14

I'd consider backing out of this whole thing tbh. If I'm reading it right, there may be bigger issues than whose space the extra bedroom should be.

All the focus on 50/50 and what's mine vs. what's his to the nth degree doesn't sound like a couple who is ready to own a house together to me. From your posts, you just don't seem very... merged. I could be wrong but it struck me like a discussion you'd have with a roommate when moving into a rental together. It's a real mess if you need to get free of a shared mortgage with someone you're not married to.

JustMyView13 · 19/04/2025 22:14

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:13

Overall i earn double.

Plus child support which covers all of my DC’s expenses.

Show quote history

Then why would you be so petty as to charge DP more for the use of the guest room as a study 🤣🤣

UpUpUpU · 19/04/2025 22:15

How old is this relationship if his daughter is a toddler?

Original poster
Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:15

JustMyView13 · 19/04/2025 22:14

Then why would you be so petty as to charge DP more for the use of the guest room as a study 🤣🤣

Show quote history

Because I want it to be fair just because I earned more doesn’t mean I should have to pay more.
Truth is, I’ve been here got the T-shirt and been fucked over before so I am quite cautious

OP posts:
Original poster
Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:16

UpUpUpU · 19/04/2025 22:15

How old is this relationship if his daughter is a toddler?

2 years.

OP posts:
beesandstrawberries · 19/04/2025 22:17

How is a guest room a higher priority than a child? Surely these things should have been considered before moving. I really can’t work out how this is an issue considering there is still a spare room if they both have room each

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 22:17

@Withoutfearorfavour Ok then, have re-read.

"So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair"?

YOU are absolutely right, each child has their own space.

Does he have a problem with that?

If so, why?

Weekly guests do not trump either of your children and to be frank @Withoutfearorfavour they (the guests) really wouldn't expect to (steal either of the childrens' rooms?)

eta; clarification

Sherararara · 19/04/2025 22:18

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 21:32

Just the way he lives his life, very sociable and friends from all over. And family abroad

Show quote history

Bizarre all round

beesandstrawberries · 19/04/2025 22:18

Also, if you earn double - why is this not going in one pot. I cannot work out how you are still paying 50/50 when you earn double than him. Then you have the audacity to want to charge him more

BigHeadBertha · 19/04/2025 22:18

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:15

Because I want it to be fair just because I earned more doesn’t mean I should have to pay more.
Truth is, I’ve been here got the T-shirt and been fucked over before so I am quite cautious

Show quote history

Just my opinion but I don't consider buying a house with someone you're not married to as very cautious at all. I've heard it warned against a thousand times.

Original poster
Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:19

beesandstrawberries · 19/04/2025 22:18

Also, if you earn double - why is this not going in one pot. I cannot work out how you are still paying 50/50 when you earn double than him. Then you have the audacity to want to charge him more

If we were 22 and going to have joint children together then I might agree with you. It all goes in one part but when you both have separate expenses, not a chance.

OP posts:
Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 22:19

rwalker · 19/04/2025 21:18

That over complicating it are you going to pay more for your child as there with you FT and his there PT by that reckoning

This
Does the OP pay more because her child is there FT
Does the OP pay more for the utility bills and food as well
It’s all a bit grabby

JustMyView13 · 19/04/2025 22:19

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:15

Because I want it to be fair just because I earned more doesn’t mean I should have to pay more.
Truth is, I’ve been here got the T-shirt and been fucked over before so I am quite cautious

Show quote history

But 50:50 isn’t paying more. It’s the same, each. And you’re going to have the same each.

Just because you’ve been ‘fucked before’ doesn’t mean you need to carry that into this relationship and screw over DP.

Northerngirl821 · 19/04/2025 22:20

Bloody hell, you earn twice as much as him and you’re quibbling over who uses the most floor space?

I’m all for protecting your finances but this just sounds petty.

Tootiredtowhat · 19/04/2025 22:20

Actually I would also rather pay more because you’re buying into more of the property and will get a better growth of your asset. If this doesn’t work out and you have to sell the property you are much better off owning half the property and trying to reenter the housing market like that than only owning 40%. Your share of property growth will be higher.