Page 13 | Room allocation for SC

Withoutfearorfavour · 2025-04-19T20:10:26+00:00

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage. 4 bedrooms I have one child full time. He has one twice a week. I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc. Shes not a guest. We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study. So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair. But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms. What do you think?

Tameys · 21/04/2025 13:19

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:00

I’ve been trying to subtly hint maybe I’ve been too subtle
He won’t be allowed holidays with the child. He won’t be allowed Christmas with the child.
The ex was hoping that he would fertilise her and fuck off. She’s had the shock of her life that he’s still here at all.

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As time goes on and his connection goes he could well want to challenge her dictating contact and that could mean a court case that would most likely go against her.

There is no reason why he couldn't go for 50/50.

Courts are very inclined to support even awful fathers have regular contact, so a decent one has little trouble establishing increased contact time.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:24

Tameys · 21/04/2025 13:19

As time goes on and his connection goes he could well want to challenge her dictating contact and that could mean a court case that would most likely go against her.

There is no reason why he couldn't go for 50/50.

Courts are very inclined to support even awful fathers have regular contact, so a decent one has little trouble establishing increased contact time.

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I completely get that and that would change the whole dynamic and it would probably make me feel less inclined to keep her arms length. Currently you know everybody’s on eggshells.

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Flozle · 21/04/2025 13:31

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 12:04

If you read the original post, she does have her own bedroom that’s non-negotiable.

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It wasn’t clear which child would have a bedroom. My apologies.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/04/2025 13:38

Is that why you're being so cold about his daughter? Calling her 'the child' etc? Because you're worried about getting close and getting hurt?

He doesn't have to just go along with what his ex says is happening - has he looked into the court process?

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:39

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/04/2025 13:38

Is that why you're being so cold about his daughter? Calling her 'the child' etc? Because you're worried about getting close and getting hurt?

He doesn't have to just go along with what his ex says is happening - has he looked into the court process?

I’m not going to put the child’s name down am I? What do you expect me to call her?
he is absolutely not going down the court route as I explained earlier the mother will withhold contact for six months by which time she won’t know him. She will make it extremely difficult and highly unlikely to comply with court orders anyway and he will end up with less than he currently. At the moment he’s useful to her. And as long as that lasts then all is well.

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Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/04/2025 13:50

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:39

I’m not going to put the child’s name down am I? What do you expect me to call her?
he is absolutely not going down the court route as I explained earlier the mother will withhold contact for six months by which time she won’t know him. She will make it extremely difficult and highly unlikely to comply with court orders anyway and he will end up with less than he currently. At the moment he’s useful to her. And as long as that lasts then all is well.

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His daughter? Not 'the child'.

So he hasn't looked into the court process then.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 21/04/2025 13:56

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:39

I’m not going to put the child’s name down am I? What do you expect me to call her?
he is absolutely not going down the court route as I explained earlier the mother will withhold contact for six months by which time she won’t know him. She will make it extremely difficult and highly unlikely to comply with court orders anyway and he will end up with less than he currently. At the moment he’s useful to her. And as long as that lasts then all is well.

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And I've supported an ex partner through the family court process, because he wanted a proper relationship with his daughter, more than the EOW his ex was 'allowing' - and even then she'd cancel his time on a whim, so he wasn't even seeing her as often as EOW. It's not an easy process, but he got proper, regular court-ordered contact with his little girl, that his ex couldn't interfere with, and he was able to build a proper father-daughter relationship with her.

I think in your case, neither of you are really that bothered about her.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:57

Right.
I know the court process inside out of a professional capacity he won’t be going down that road. Court is supposed to be a last resort for people. Grown adult are meant to sort this stuff out between themselves.
It’s her responsibility to act in her child’s best interest as much as it’s his
And as as I am absolutely no illusions whatsoever that he could have all the court orders in the world and she will make things very difficult and that’s not in his daughter’s interests either

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tommyhoundmum · 21/04/2025 14:41

CommonAsMucklowe · 21/04/2025 08:44

You were a single parent who owned their own home? You haven't lived.

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What do you mean?

Pessismistic · 21/04/2025 14:44

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 13:57

Right.
I know the court process inside out of a professional capacity he won’t be going down that road. Court is supposed to be a last resort for people. Grown adult are meant to sort this stuff out between themselves.
It’s her responsibility to act in her child’s best interest as much as it’s his
And as as I am absolutely no illusions whatsoever that he could have all the court orders in the world and she will make things very difficult and that’s not in his daughter’s interests either

You have to feel sorry for his kid if he was used just for the woman to get pregnant it’s even worse. Women shouldn’t be allowed to do this. It’s not just about the. Having the kid. Can’t use the sperm then fuck them off it’s not fair. I get some men would run a mile. Poor kid probably going be a messy time for all involved. Makes more sense now that you don’t want to be a stepmom.

hurro · 21/04/2025 14:48

So it was a drunken one night stand, but the woman had the foresight to plan all of this to use the DP for his sperm donation

Really confusing.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 14:54

hurro · 21/04/2025 14:48

So it was a drunken one night stand, but the woman had the foresight to plan all of this to use the DP for his sperm donation

Really confusing.

I’m not suggesting she planned it initially, but she had a good night months to think about it before mentioning any of this to him. That’s all I’m going to say.

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Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 14:56

Pessismistic · 21/04/2025 14:44

You have to feel sorry for his kid if he was used just for the woman to get pregnant it’s even worse. Women shouldn’t be allowed to do this. It’s not just about the. Having the kid. Can’t use the sperm then fuck them off it’s not fair. I get some men would run a mile. Poor kid probably going be a messy time for all involved. Makes more sense now that you don’t want to be a stepmom.

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Situation is fucking tragic in my opinion
He’s exactly the kind of man that would not have chosen to have a child and I do truly believe especially given again. I’m being careful. She might’ve had every reason to believe that he wouldn’t still be in the country but it that way.

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ezi91 · 21/04/2025 17:43

I honestly think you'd be happier, staying in your own home, finding a partner who matches your bank balance, luxury hotels on the weekends, holidays together, all the benefits
They do exist, you don't have to settle for this
FWB situation would probably do you a world of good

Poppyseeds79 · 21/04/2025 18:22

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 14:56

Situation is fucking tragic in my opinion
He’s exactly the kind of man that would not have chosen to have a child and I do truly believe especially given again. I’m being careful. She might’ve had every reason to believe that he wouldn’t still be in the country but it that way.

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If he's the kind of man to choose not to have a child. Then he should have popped a condom on his knob.

Tandora · 21/04/2025 18:48

Right. So much misogyny on this thread

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 21/04/2025 18:55

Poppyseeds79 · 21/04/2025 18:22

If he's the kind of man to choose not to have a child. Then he should have popped a condom on his knob.

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Completely agree. Maybe he did. We are always hearing about how often contraception failures happen on MN arent we?

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blueleavesgreensky · 22/04/2025 07:41

Poppyseeds79 · 21/04/2025 18:22

If he's the kind of man to choose not to have a child. Then he should have popped a condom on his knob.

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May have done. My first born with my dh was with all the contraception.

Was on the pill but had had a bout of v&d so after it passed we used a condom. 31 years later he’s a handsome young man

blueleavesgreensky · 22/04/2025 07:43

hurro · 21/04/2025 14:48

So it was a drunken one night stand, but the woman had the foresight to plan all of this to use the DP for his sperm donation

Really confusing.

I’ve known this to happen. Drunken man is the perfect subject.

I find it interesting that a drunken woman can not be deemed to have given consent yet a drunken man can be held responsible

Tandora · 22/04/2025 08:19

blueleavesgreensky · 22/04/2025 07:43

I’ve known this to happen. Drunken man is the perfect subject.

I find it interesting that a drunken woman can not be deemed to have given consent yet a drunken man can be held responsible

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This thread is an absolute disgrace.

Either the man wore protection or he didn’t .

If he did , and it failed , then that is just one of those things. Not his fault, not her fault. I think it’s disgusting that women are just supposed to get abortions on command or be judged.

If he didn’t, then that’s on him.

So, yeh, no place for this misogyny is there?

Furthermore this all happened many years ago, and there is now an actual child here and present. So the relevance of this ship sailed long, long ago. For OP to imply the existence of this child is a punishment (“one he’ll pay for for the rest of his life”) is also a disgrace.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 22/04/2025 09:35

Tandora · 22/04/2025 08:19

This thread is an absolute disgrace.

Either the man wore protection or he didn’t .

If he did , and it failed , then that is just one of those things. Not his fault, not her fault. I think it’s disgusting that women are just supposed to get abortions on command or be judged.

If he didn’t, then that’s on him.

So, yeh, no place for this misogyny is there?

Furthermore this all happened many years ago, and there is now an actual child here and present. So the relevance of this ship sailed long, long ago. For OP to imply the existence of this child is a punishment (“one he’ll pay for for the rest of his life”) is also a disgrace.

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I cant imagine how she would feel if she ever found out she was unwanted. Its far more likely her mother will share that than anyone else.

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Clockface8 · 23/04/2025 14:09

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:32

Well he wants me so that’s that 🙄

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You two are made for each other

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 23/04/2025 14:18

Clockface8 · 23/04/2025 14:09

You two are made for each other

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Yeah, we absolutely are.
The stupid cow has inflicted two people that she probably wouldn’t choose to be in her or her child’s life on them because she decided to use him as a sperm donor
Bet she regrets that now

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Littlebrick · 23/04/2025 15:29

How many children do you have Op?

VivienneBL · 23/04/2025 20:55

Please don’t move in with him . You aren’t ready to blend your lives. It’s majorly complicated when SC are involved but this just sounds bonkers . You’re not ready to be SM . My SM is absolutely lovely now ( I’m early 40s) but she was miserable and resentful towards us when we were children and even though she didn’t say things directly we absolutely picked up on it which is sad and horrible. Ifs a massive commitment being in a child’s life but most importantly it’s a responsibility and I don’t think you seem ok with the child, the maintenance he pays and just the overall set up.