Page 6 | Room allocation for SC

Withoutfearorfavour · 2025-04-19T20:10:26+00:00

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage. 4 bedrooms I have one child full time. He has one twice a week. I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc. Shes not a guest. We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study. So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair. But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms. What do you think?

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 19/04/2025 22:52

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:49

More fool you !

Show quote history

Ah he gets more than 50% share of the kitchen!

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:56

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 22:51

so, what would you be most comfortable with @Withoutfearorfavour

~14 years of accommodating someone else's child, in your home?

Does it sit well? If not, you really do need a hard think.

Life is not infinite.

Show quote history

It’s tricky and whilst I’m in no rush.
Sorry to drip feed but I didn’t really think this was pertinent information at the beginning. I own my own house outright.
So the action plan is that I keep my current two bedroom cottage that obviously has a room for me and kiddo.
And a loft Ext if I have guests is available.
This is an additional purchase.
He’s currently in rented but he does have a good deposit that covers his 50%
I suppose I just feel like waiting until mines 18 and goes to university feels as though I’m pushing him out the nest and when he comes back at holidays it won’t feel like his home so I want to get him established somewhere before he has that upheaval.
His little one doesn’t care where she is at the moment as long as she’s with her dad.
Where is that could change by the time we get to age 5 starting school again lots of upheaval.
I’m not saying it’s now or never it just feels like good timing.
Maybe it is the guest that are problem and that that’s what I need to put a limit to.

OP posts:

WoodyOwl · 19/04/2025 22:57

Your child is there full time, his twice a week - should you pay more?

He has a study and you do not - should he pay more?

You like long showers and he does not - should you pay more?

He likes the heating on whereas you put on a jumper - should he pay more?

Etc etc etc.

I think if you are going 50:50, I think these things work themselves out eventually. If you are worried it is all lopsided, maybe you should put the house purchase on hold until all the wrinkles are ironed out.

Cornishclio · 19/04/2025 22:57

I got your children the wrong way round if you have the teenager and he has the toddler. Surely though if buying an asset like a house you own 50% of it and if for any reason it all blows up you get 50% regardless of how many rooms you use. What situation have you both come from? Do you already own your own house? Personally I don't think you sound like you are ready to share your life and your house. What does he say?

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 22:59

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:56

It’s tricky and whilst I’m in no rush.
Sorry to drip feed but I didn’t really think this was pertinent information at the beginning. I own my own house outright.
So the action plan is that I keep my current two bedroom cottage that obviously has a room for me and kiddo.
And a loft Ext if I have guests is available.
This is an additional purchase.
He’s currently in rented but he does have a good deposit that covers his 50%
I suppose I just feel like waiting until mines 18 and goes to university feels as though I’m pushing him out the nest and when he comes back at holidays it won’t feel like his home so I want to get him established somewhere before he has that upheaval.
His little one doesn’t care where she is at the moment as long as she’s with her dad.
Where is that could change by the time we get to age 5 starting school again lots of upheaval.
I’m not saying it’s now or never it just feels like good timing.
Maybe it is the guest that are problem and that that’s what I need to put a limit to.

Edited

Show quote history

Maybe it is the guest that are problem and that that’s what I need to put a limit to

Who are the regular guests ( aside from his child) that will be staying there

Agapornis · 19/04/2025 23:00

I'm sort of in your hypothetical situation - i.e. without A Room of One's Own. We bought the house with the idea that we'd share the office. However, his work call voice is annoyingly loud and my work doesn't tie me to a WFH desk for 8 hours, so I'm barely in there and tend to work from the (large) kitchen. I am somewhat resentful of the office now essentially being his room.

HOWEVER I'm a very keen gardener, and he's given up any ambitions of gardening as I've made it my space. So claim the garden, and build a shed/garden office if you don't have one already! Bet the garden is bigger than the office full of his crap, and being in the sun will certainly make you feel better at this time of year.

Question though - will you be WFH? Will he obnoxiously interrupt because you don't have A Room of One's Own? My DP does not because he's a good egg beyond the loud voice, but if he's an interruptor I wouldn't move in together.

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 23:01

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 22:51

his little guest

She is his daughter!

Show quote history

yes, she is his daughter.

@Withoutfearorfavour is offering more to the child than her own father can.

@Withoutfearorfavour seriously, lovely, you are, quite rightly recognising, that he cannot give what you can.

If it's already an issue for you though, then, he's not for you? Sorry!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/04/2025 23:02

I don’t think it sounds like you are ready to move in together. And fuck that having his visitors every weekend. That will get old VERY quickly.

AthWat · 19/04/2025 23:02

Keep your house, for fuck's sake. Don't buy a house with anyone with whom this kind of petty shit could even enter your mind.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/04/2025 23:03

Am not talking about his DD there obviously-am talking about all the other guests

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 23:03

@Agapornis yes I work from home but I am on the telephone so I tend to be outside pacing the floor when I’m doing the work or I can be on my laptop at the breakfast bar. I don’t really need space.
Without being into outing, although I probably am being
He spent five grand on books last year and needs every last one of them.
@Hastentoadd the guests are his close friends/family abroad who completely understandably want to spend time with their grandchild. I get it it’s important.

OP posts:

Eggtoastie · 19/04/2025 23:04

Who needs to visit every week? (Apart from the SC obviously)

Eggtoastie · 19/04/2025 23:05

Sorry cross posts. I wouldn't be happy with so many guests - no reason why they always have to stay with you. His parents yes if possible - but that would be a few times a year, not every week! Would you enjoy sharing your living room and kitchen in this way?

Nextdoor55 · 19/04/2025 23:05

No I think each child should have their own room regardless & the spare room is overflow for whatever or whoever. No-one should be paying more, especially if you have a full time child living there presumably costing more.
All sounds too business like for me

jenny38 · 19/04/2025 23:08

Omg op, you are not ready for this. Buying a home together in a relationship, should be because you want to be together. Hypothetically, in your rules, what would happen if you got sick, developed a disability and couldn't work? If you could no longer contribute, should your partner kick you out? Or should he support you, as a good relationship supports each other in the good times and bad? Honestly crazy talk. I've just run this past my partner, he laughed. How on earth are you going to sort out the grocery bill?? Or the electric, if he charges his phone more than you etc....

AllTheChaos · 19/04/2025 23:10

Really not the point of the thread but I am v jealous of his book buying budget! £5,000 in a year!

Drivingmissrangey · 19/04/2025 23:10

But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms

If this is your question you shouldn’t be living together.

Whynotaxthisyear · 19/04/2025 23:11

I wouldn't manage that number of visits from guests, especially if I didn't know the people well. Hard on your DC too, to be sharing the family home with strange adults as well as a small child. I think I would want to stay put for the moment and see how things progress.

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 23:11

@Withoutfearorfavour

"the guests are his close friends/family abroad who completely understandably want to spend time with their grandchild. I get it it’s important."

Not bloomin' weekly though, that is neither acceptable nor reasonable Without

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 23:12

jenny38 · 19/04/2025 23:08

Omg op, you are not ready for this. Buying a home together in a relationship, should be because you want to be together. Hypothetically, in your rules, what would happen if you got sick, developed a disability and couldn't work? If you could no longer contribute, should your partner kick you out? Or should he support you, as a good relationship supports each other in the good times and bad? Honestly crazy talk. I've just run this past my partner, he laughed. How on earth are you going to sort out the grocery bill?? Or the electric, if he charges his phone more than you etc....

Is your laughing partner the father of your child?
It does make a difference. It really does.

If I couldn’t Work I have disability insurance that would pay my share and if that ran out, I’d have to sell some of my other assets to cover it.
He couldn’t do the same, although he’d probably get a better sickness allowance than I would and I could encourage him to take out disability insurance. But once you’ve been a single parent, you give those things a lot of thought and don’t leave them to chance.

OP posts:

viques · 19/04/2025 23:12

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 23:03

@Agapornis yes I work from home but I am on the telephone so I tend to be outside pacing the floor when I’m doing the work or I can be on my laptop at the breakfast bar. I don’t really need space.
Without being into outing, although I probably am being
He spent five grand on books last year and needs every last one of them.
@Hastentoadd the guests are his close friends/family abroad who completely understandably want to spend time with their grandchild. I get it it’s important.

Have you thought ahead a few years to when his child is at school and will therefore be at the house for half of the holidays? You will need a designated work space then, so maybe start thinking about a garden office for you to have as your work space, because the breakfast bar won’t work with a five year old in the area!

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 23:13

viques · 19/04/2025 23:12

Have you thought ahead a few years to when his child is at school and will therefore be at the house for half of the holidays? You will need a designated work space then, so maybe start thinking about a garden office for you to have as your work space, because the breakfast bar won’t work with a five year old in the area!

Show quote history

I don’t think the mother will allow 50% of the time during the school holidays.

OP posts:

OldDemdike · 19/04/2025 23:16

This is crazy to me, this pernickety division of space in the house. DP and I are in a 3 bed, just the two of us, no kids. I have one of the spare rooms as my office as I work from home. I also keep all my clothes etc in there. I don't think it would occur to DP to be resentful about it. Probably balances out overall. I do have an extra drawer in the bathroom though, maybe I should be paying extra for that.

beetr00 · 19/04/2025 23:16

was totally on board @Withoutfearorfavour

and then...

"I have disability insurance" I must be a mug 😂

Cornoffthecob · 19/04/2025 23:17

If you were only flatmates then yes he should be paying more for using more rooms but your in a relationship with this man so 50/50 is what it should be. Think it’s ridiculous that you even think like that. And why would you be resentful later on? About what exactly? You just said you don't mind his guests coming so if he’s not using the room as a study its getting used for guests. Not like you want it for something and he’s taken it over.
Maybe what you should be thinking is maybe you shouldn't be buying a house together!