Page 11 | Room allocation for SC

RominaDina · 20/04/2025 19:39

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:19

And you’re absolutely right it is.

Having been divorced previously and you see your entire life picked apart like a Contract more people need to realise in my opinion. That is exactly what it is a contractual business arrangement.
Romance is absolute bullshit very much like religion.

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Don't put that in your next Valentine's card

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 19:47

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:19

And you’re absolutely right it is.

Having been divorced previously and you see your entire life picked apart like a Contract more people need to realise in my opinion. That is exactly what it is a contractual business arrangement.
Romance is absolute bullshit very much like religion.

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Perhaps if the house isn’t meeting everyone’s needs you should get a 5 bed or build an outside shed/office or convert the loft? Divide it up accordingly financially or get him to pay for the extra conversion or shed? You can then use the guest room and office too occasionally.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:51

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 19:47

Perhaps if the house isn’t meeting everyone’s needs you should get a 5 bed or build an outside shed/office or convert the loft? Divide it up accordingly financially or get him to pay for the extra conversion or shed? You can then use the guest room and office too occasionally.

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You’ve no idea how rare five bedroom houses are. At one point many many moons ago I had a budget of over 2 million and we still couldn’t find a five bedroom house with OFF Street parking and a decent garden. They tend to be the draftee old Victorian ones.

OP posts:

Pessismistic · 20/04/2025 19:53

Hey op your not on an equal footing financially and if you have only been together 2 years it’s not a long time to set up home together and if you don’t want to be stepmom why not live as you were and keep to that arrangement? I understand you have been burnt before but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready. If you do buy together you can’t expect him to pay more for a room it’s either 50/50 or it won’t work I expect you won’t be marrying at any time either if you plan to keep your finances separate .

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 19:59

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:51

You’ve no idea how rare five bedroom houses are. At one point many many moons ago I had a budget of over 2 million and we still couldn’t find a five bedroom house with OFF Street parking and a decent garden. They tend to be the draftee old Victorian ones.

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And a loft/attic or garden shed office not possible either?

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:59

Pessismistic · 20/04/2025 19:53

Hey op your not on an equal footing financially and if you have only been together 2 years it’s not a long time to set up home together and if you don’t want to be stepmom why not live as you were and keep to that arrangement? I understand you have been burnt before but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready. If you do buy together you can’t expect him to pay more for a room it’s either 50/50 or it won’t work I expect you won’t be marrying at any time either if you plan to keep your finances separate .

It’s funny you mention it but he actually suggested we got married but still lived in separate houses which I was venomously opposed to.

I don’t know. I don’t know. It just feels as if he’s pulled in so many different directions and the only way to actually get quality time with him is to live under the same roof.

OP posts:

RominaDina · 20/04/2025 20:01

It's going to be too difficult and you're going to end up resentful. Maybe living separately is the best solution.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:01

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 19:59

And a loft/attic or garden shed office not possible either?

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The gardens were postage stamped sized.
And converting them would often mean a fourth floor or a third floor that was enormous and I’ve just got the Ebbie Geebies about fires.
I mean I realise I’ve been painted as maleficent but I don’t want his kid to die nor mine obviously.

OP posts:

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 20:05

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:51

You’ve no idea how rare five bedroom houses are. At one point many many moons ago I had a budget of over 2 million and we still couldn’t find a five bedroom house with OFF Street parking and a decent garden. They tend to be the draftee old Victorian ones.

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Also, my house was a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom when we moved in. It’s now a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom with a workshop and an insulated shed/guest room and a separate summer house. Also the loft is an organised space for my home business. The floor plan isn’t huge but we’ve made it work.

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 20:07

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:01

The gardens were postage stamped sized.
And converting them would often mean a fourth floor or a third floor that was enormous and I’ve just got the Ebbie Geebies about fires.
I mean I realise I’ve been painted as maleficent but I don’t want his kid to die nor mine obviously.

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Fair enough.

Sounds to me like the wrong house for everyone’s needs.

RominaDina · 20/04/2025 20:08

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 20:07

Fair enough.

Sounds to me like the wrong house for everyone’s needs.

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Absolutely. Don't buy this house.

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:09

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 20/04/2025 20:05

Also, my house was a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom when we moved in. It’s now a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom with a workshop and an insulated shed/guest room and a separate summer house. Also the loft is an organised space for my home business. The floor plan isn’t huge but we’ve made it work.

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The one that we found that we like is a detached bungalow so I can reinforce the foundations and we can add another three bedrooms and bathroom upstairs which allows the guests to be downstairs with an ensuite and the office to be separate because of course the other issue is that he works into the night and I’m in bed for eight
Plus, when babies is not well that had an extra layer of fun and games.

It does have a very nice garden as well just all adds up doesnt it
Of the budget is no longer 2 million

OP posts:

liamharha · 20/04/2025 20:28

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 21:10

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage.
4 bedrooms
I have one child full time.
He has one twice a week.
I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc.

Shes not a guest.
We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study.
So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair.
But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms.

What do you think?

I think he needs a new partner who doesn't resent his child ....

Original poster

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 20:32

liamharha · 20/04/2025 20:28

I think he needs a new partner who doesn't resent his child ....

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Well he wants me so that’s that 🙄

OP posts:

blueleavesgreensky · 20/04/2025 20:59

CinnamonBuns67 · 19/04/2025 21:35

If you had a 3 bed I'd understand that set up but you said you have 4 bedrooms why can't you guys have 1 room, your child have 1 room, your SC have 1 room and then 1 room left for the study? I have a 4 bed and that's the set up we had when my SC stayed over.

You’ve missed the point. Where do guests sleep is the question. That and the weird convoluted thinking about who uses more of the house 🫤

blueleavesgreensky · 20/04/2025 21:03

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 21:44

Effectively he has 2 1/2 rooms and I have one and a half. For the same input of investment.
Obviously, the bills will be split 50-50. I’m not quibbling about those. Or counting how many sheets of toilet paper his mother uses when visiting. Guests are usually very generous when they stay and bring us lovely food or take us out for dinner so I say they’re absolutely no bother at all. Happy to have them.

The bills are split 50:50 but that means he’s subsidising your DC who lives with you full time.
also your DC will create more wear and tear.

So taking all this into account maybe you should be paying more

blueleavesgreensky · 20/04/2025 21:32

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 22:26

Yes, of course and that’s absolutely fine.

Would allow me to invest in other assets.

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So why not just invest in THIS asset. What possible point is there in having a smaller share in this house and then invest elsewhere. You’ve not thought this through.

ezi91 · 20/04/2025 22:07

@Withoutfearorfavour honestly you got a great dry sense of humour. Think you could do better than someone who didn't use protection on a one night stand or whatever it was!

Merryoldgoat · 20/04/2025 22:14

@Withoutfearorfavour you’ve been together 2 years but his daughter is under 2?

Are you fudging details it rounding? Because it sounds like he either cheated on you or you got together when his ‘ex’ (I know she was a drunk shag) was pregnant.

You sound oddly cold about a little girl you must have known from a baby. I suppose she is still a baby really.

Trishyb10 · 20/04/2025 22:33

What a embarrassing and “princess” precious post…your considering this now so you dont feel resentful later? Over room space! my god, i praise god that i was,nt born with such a personality, just be greatful , thankfu for what you have

Pessismistic · 20/04/2025 22:54

Withoutfearorfavour · 20/04/2025 19:59

It’s funny you mention it but he actually suggested we got married but still lived in separate houses which I was venomously opposed to.

I don’t know. I don’t know. It just feels as if he’s pulled in so many different directions and the only way to actually get quality time with him is to live under the same roof.

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Maybe take your time deciding as you have been there before you know it’s hard going. If you have more money and marry he is going to get half anyway and living separately whilst married is a red flag is he ready for the house buying commitment?
I’ve done this myself giving up my own home to do the shared purchase and it’s a big resentment and a regret of mine which is why I’m suggesting that you should think real hard before you give up your home. Say the worst scenario happens and you split up could you afford it on your own? could you buy him out or would you have to start again? Are you prepared to pay towards any of his childcare costs, holidays or clothes for his dc when she is with you. Some much to think about once you entwine everything.

theonlygirl · 20/04/2025 23:25

I've tried to read as much of this as I can but there doesn't seem to be much discussion of your child in all of this? Essentially you want to become a blended family with a man who has a very young child, works long into the night, has family and friends visiting weekly, all in a house that doesn't accommodate any of it? I don't think this is right for your child at all. Stay in separate houses until he goes to University.

Tameys · 21/04/2025 07:47

OP, this arrangement won't benefit you or your son.

Your motivation is to see him more but you are giving up too much.
Why are you even considering giving up so much for a man busy elsewhere?
Making so little of yourself?
Becoming his skivvy aupair?
Constant guests are huge amount of work.

You will be his childcare for the next decade and your son will be long gone.
Why would you do that in a situation with strife?

You will bitterly regret tying your finances to him.
Give it a couple more years.

You don't mess up your finances to see a busy man.

CommonAsMucklowe · 21/04/2025 08:38

What have I just read??? MN never ceases to amaze me.

CommonAsMucklowe · 21/04/2025 08:44

Withoutfearorfavour · 19/04/2025 23:12

Is your laughing partner the father of your child?
It does make a difference. It really does.

If I couldn’t Work I have disability insurance that would pay my share and if that ran out, I’d have to sell some of my other assets to cover it.
He couldn’t do the same, although he’d probably get a better sickness allowance than I would and I could encourage him to take out disability insurance. But once you’ve been a single parent, you give those things a lot of thought and don’t leave them to chance.

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You were a single parent who owned their own home? You haven't lived.