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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

671 replies

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 20:54

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

OP posts:
NewDogOwner · 19/04/2025 21:43

If this was an actual wedding, it would be fair to be so upset. For a party, the same seriousness does not apply.

Potato1234 · 19/04/2025 21:44

😐 you sound entitled and spoilt. Why on earth would you care about gifts?

WearyAuldWumman · 19/04/2025 21:45

Hastentoadd · 19/04/2025 21:37

But those photos were not taken at the start of the event

Show quote history

Ah, I obviously missed that.

LoveFridaynight · 19/04/2025 21:45

Your SIL has two children and is trying to sell her house, do you think she might have had more on her mind than buying you a present?
As others have said it wasn't a wedding and even if it was it's not illegal to not give a present.
Still, as your DH agrees with you, you are well suited. Both of you are grabby and entitled.
Out of interest what do you actually want your DH to say to his sister? You didn't buy me a gift for my party after I got married so go and get me one now!

DinoLil · 19/04/2025 21:45

@Starlightstarbright4It wasn't her wedding or an evening reception. It was a party held after they got back home from their marriage abroad.

Pricelessadvice · 19/04/2025 21:45

It wasn’t your wedding though, it was a party.
People tend to arrive from a specific time at parties, not all at once on the dot.

YABU to be upset about a gift. A gift is a nice thought, it’s not an expected thing imo.

Ishoulddomore · 19/04/2025 21:46

So they arrived late, no problem if there is a valid reason. What is there reason for no present? Did you invite them once the party had started? Even then they could have gone on Amazon and got something. They are idiots

Gremlins101 · 19/04/2025 21:46

Sounds like you had a lovely wedding and party so I wouldn't even bother thinking about it anymore OP.

Absolutely nothing can he achieved by griping about it.

BigHeadBertha · 19/04/2025 21:46

I get it and I feel for you. I wouldn't be happy about it either, if my new SIL showed up an hour late for my wedding reception, which also messed up the photo session, and also only brought a card. That's a deluxe package of rudeness.

I wouldn't say anything though or ask my husband to. She's already stated why she was late so all that would be left to say is "Where's my present?" Which would be funny and she probably deserves it but I don't think it would make you and your new husband look very good lol!

Also, it could be that she left the gift at home, ordered something that didn't arrive on time or meant to put a gift card in with the wedding card. In other words, it could always be a mistake or your gift could still arrive.

But as we see here, people often see things very differently. So while you obviously consider a wedding reception that's separate from the wedding that most of the guests weren't invited to is every bit as valid as a reception immediately following the wedding, with everyone invited to both. However, many other people don't view it that way at all. They might feel dismissed to not have been invited to the wedding or they might truly consider it somewhere in between a party and a true wedding reception.

The sister trying to sell her house is apparently very important to her. All around, I could see her truly not knowing she's done anything that anyone would take offense at.

Also, sometimes there's weird jealousy among siblings. It's also possible a slight was intended but that it wasn't directed at you. Maybe she feels like her parents favor her brother and she's not considered important enough in their family. Or her life might not be going very well and she's taking a little swipe at you and your husbandn's happiness.

Or she could just be a rather self-centered and thoughtless person.

Anyway, I think the best course of action at this point is to just keep an eye on her. I wouldn't doubt if you'll get a more full understanding of what this was all about in time.

More importantly, best wishes with your new marriage!

Knittedfairies2 · 19/04/2025 21:46

How much time elapsed between your actual wedding and your 'wedding reception party'?

Londonrach1 · 19/04/2025 21:46

Let it go. You got to live as a extended family. You already married so just a party not a wedding.

outerspacepotato · 19/04/2025 21:46

Who raised you?

You had a wedding elsewhere. Then you had a party (aka gift grab) at a later date and expected everyone who was not invited and did not go to your wedding to bring you wedding gifts.

Guuuuurl.

Edenmum2 · 19/04/2025 21:46

Wayk · 19/04/2025 21:41

I would not go to any wedding without a gift. I would feel hurt not receiving a gift from a family member.

Would you go to a party without a gift?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 19/04/2025 21:47

nocoolnamesleft · 19/04/2025 21:03

I thought if you eloped you didn't get wedding presents and a reception?

Not these days. It’s usually a destination hen do, followed by elopement, then reception party later on to ensure that those people you didn’t want at your actual wedding aren’t so pissed off that they don’t buy you a present. As evidenced by OP’s breathtaking sense of entitlement.

Starlightstarbright4 · 19/04/2025 21:47

DinoLil · 19/04/2025 21:45

@Starlightstarbright4It wasn't her wedding or an evening reception. It was a party held after they got back home from their marriage abroad.

I absolutely agree - I just think op doesn’t see it that way. . I was trying to hope she could see it in a different light .

Ishoulddomore · 19/04/2025 21:47

BigHeadBertha · 19/04/2025 21:46

I get it and I feel for you. I wouldn't be happy about it either, if my new SIL showed up an hour late for my wedding reception, which also messed up the photo session, and also only brought a card. That's a deluxe package of rudeness.

I wouldn't say anything though or ask my husband to. She's already stated why she was late so all that would be left to say is "Where's my present?" Which would be funny and she probably deserves it but I don't think it would make you and your new husband look very good lol!

Also, it could be that she left the gift at home, ordered something that didn't arrive on time or meant to put a gift card in with the wedding card. In other words, it could always be a mistake or your gift could still arrive.

But as we see here, people often see things very differently. So while you obviously consider a wedding reception that's separate from the wedding that most of the guests weren't invited to is every bit as valid as a reception immediately following the wedding, with everyone invited to both. However, many other people don't view it that way at all. They might feel dismissed to not have been invited to the wedding or they might truly consider it somewhere in between a party and a true wedding reception.

The sister trying to sell her house is apparently very important to her. All around, I could see her truly not knowing she's done anything that anyone would take offense at.

Also, sometimes there's weird jealousy among siblings. It's also possible a slight was intended but that it wasn't directed at you. Maybe she feels like her parents favor her brother and she's not considered important enough in their family. Or her life might not be going very well and she's taking a little swipe at you and your husbandn's happiness.

Or she could just be a rather self-centered and thoughtless person.

Anyway, I think the best course of action at this point is to just keep an eye on her. I wouldn't doubt if you'll get a more full understanding of what this was all about in time.

More importantly, best wishes with your new marriage!

Edited

I wish I could write about nothing this well

TheHerboriste · 19/04/2025 21:48

We only give gifts if we are invited to the actual ceremony. If we don’t make the cut, then let them buy their own vouchers.

OneNeatLimeCritic · 19/04/2025 21:48

I wouldn't have expected any gifts in your shoes. Also, the lateness thing... to a (reception) party? Meh.

Let it go, you will have bigger things to worry about in life.

BlondiePortz · 19/04/2025 21:48

crockofshite · 19/04/2025 20:56

Are you going to spend your whole married life picking away at your new husband's sister every time she doesn't live up to your expectations?

Yes this, she was late and didn't get you a present and? So what, people don't live in a box you put them in

DelphiniumBlue · 19/04/2025 21:48

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:04

I have to say, I’m quite surprised by people’s attitudes on here. I don’t think I’m a bridezilla - that’s a stretch.

We attended their wedding all the way in Devon.

I would still gift if I was attending an evening party. also this isn’t any old guest, this is my husband’s sister. My husband agrees with me.

What am I hoping to achieve? I guess I wanted to put it out there and see what other people thought.

They’re not sending a great message to us.

I think you were the one not sending a great message by not inviting close family to your actual wedding.
The main event was the wedding itself, a party later on is just that, a party.
Did you tell SiL in advance that you were planning family photos at the start) or before the start)?
Timings of parties don’t usually work quite so precisely as timings for weddings- so I wouldn’t be surprised for people to still be turning up an hour after the start. It’s not like you have to be there for a service which starts on the dot.
I think you should think long term, this is your husbands sister and hopefully you’ll have a life long relationship with her. Don’t be holding grudges, it will work against you in the long run, even if you do think you’re in the right. Think about how you may have upset family, how they might think you’re not that bothered about them, and consider how you can improve things going forward.

Richiewoo · 19/04/2025 21:50

I'd let it go and ignore her.

Edenmum2 · 19/04/2025 21:50

LoveFridaynight · 19/04/2025 21:45

Your SIL has two children and is trying to sell her house, do you think she might have had more on her mind than buying you a present?
As others have said it wasn't a wedding and even if it was it's not illegal to not give a present.
Still, as your DH agrees with you, you are well suited. Both of you are grabby and entitled.
Out of interest what do you actually want your DH to say to his sister? You didn't buy me a gift for my party after I got married so go and get me one now!

Good point - what do you want to happen? Do you want her to go and get you a present? Do you want an argument? Do you want her to feel bad?

just trying to work out what you think a successful outcome would be.

Sebsaloysius · 19/04/2025 21:50

I'm finding it comedy gold that about 99.9% of posters have said the OP is being completely unreasonable, yet she still doesn't know what action she's going to take against her SiL for her 'behaviour'

I'm guessing that the DH really doesn't give a rat's ass about any of this, but has very quickly learned that "Yes, dear" is sometimes the path of least resistance.

LongDistanceClara44 · 19/04/2025 21:51

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 19/04/2025 21:18

As for the no present thing: I also eloped. Some people sent cards and gifts, some didn’t. I couldn’t tell you who did and didn’t with a gun to my head and nor do I care.

Why am I getting deja vu from your user name 😂 my memory is so bad but I feel like there was a really funny thread linked to this

CoastalCalm · 19/04/2025 21:52

Edenmum2 · 19/04/2025 21:40

So an hour late to your party might have been the difference between selling her house or not. Pretty important tbh.

i have a book of all my wedding cards stuck in to keep forever. I honestly couldn’t tell you one single gift I was bought because it’s not important.

You need to recalibrate

Exactly the same here , I couldn’t tell you who gave us what and how much now or back then we were just so grateful for the gifts and more importantly people coming to join in the party especially as it was over Christmas

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