Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

as She’s pointedly ignoring this question, I assume they did not.

It wasn't a wedding, you didn't invite them to that

It was a party

But those photos were not taken at the start of the event

Who were the other people in the 20% who didn't give presents? Are they also on your husband's side, and possibly don't know you or what your expectations are?

Or perhaps she wanted even more fuss and everyone to pay for it retrospectively.

The problem with having a quiet wedding abroad is that the vast majority aren't actually that bothered about hearing about it. They weren't there to be a part of the story so it's a 5 minute wonder.

I was thinking Cornwall 😂!

it wasn't a wedding it was a party.

No one has to give a gift. Who dragged you up to demand gifts? Your actual birth parents?

How long have you been together before you married and did you already own your home?

(You can see where I'm going with this...)

Regardless of if it’s a wedding/reception/party, I don’t think you can expect a gift from anyone even if they are close family.

You’re inviting them as your guest because they’re important to one or both of you rather than because they want to give you gift in exchange for a day out. It’s very lovely if people give you a gift but it looks really tacky and unpleasant to raise a lack of gift with someone. She gifted you her time and that should be enough.

@PalmTreeAngelWe all get you're upset, but, if you had a 'traditional wedding' in all senses of the phrase, then guests would have attended the wedding and then the reception. There would no doubt be a gift registry link on the invites, people would have arrived, enjoyed the ceremony and your celebration afterwards.

You chose an alternative wedding abroad, had a party when you got back for your friends and relatives who couldn't make it or weren't invited to St Lucia. You had a PARTY when you got home. It was NOT a wedding reception. The wedding rules don't apply and selling a home is more important than a party. At least they arrived, albeit a bit late.

If you wanted formal photos, you should have arranged that separately.

I had an intimate wedding, just 12 of us, honeymoon in France, afterwards then came back and threw a party. No expectations of any gifts, time to turn up 'on the dot', no photographers, just nothing. It was a party. Like yours.

Stop being grabby and entitled when your family also have important things going on. They made it to your party and isn't that fantastic?! You must have been delighted that they arrived.

You did not have a wedding reception. You had a party.

So to my mind if I received an evening invitation to a wedding - no I wouldn’t turn up at 7 if it said 7-11 I definitely wouldn’t arrive before 7.30.

The selling of the house will be important .

The thing you miss is it’s your wedding . It’s important to you .

just read the responses on here not everyone see’s it the same as you . Honestly the last time I was invited to something like this . I made an excuse and didn’t go because I literally didn’t want to

Isn't there a saying that the ceremony is for the bride and groom and the reception is for the guests? While I don't think it needs to that black and white, with elopements gifts are not necessarily as commonly given as with "proper" weddings. Especially if the guests haven't been invited to attend the ceremony. I'd bring one personally, but wouldn't be offended about not receiving one. I'm sure you have some lovely photos of your actual day and some more relaxed shots during the party. As a guest, I really wouldn't have imagined staged photos would be a part of an evening do. You are over thinking this.

I don't think this is anyway like arriving late the the wedding breakfast. More like the evening do, in which case it's perfectly acceptable.
Your post is quite self centred, Bridezillaesk

So an hour late to your party might have been the difference between selling her house or not. Pretty important tbh.

i have a book of all my wedding cards stuck in to keep forever. I honestly couldn’t tell you one single gift I was bought because it’s not important.

You need to recalibrate

I would not go to any wedding without a gift. I would feel hurt not receiving a gift from a family member.

Presumably you had photos of your actual wedding and a meal afterwards? If so, the meal afterwards was the wedding reception, I agree with others this was a party. I don’t think it’s a big deal to arrive at a party an hour after the start time and I’d not bothered about presents either.

OP, did you have a gift list? Or one of those “we want your presence not your presents but just in case here’s our bank details” type jobbies?

Mad. You elope, it’s no longer your wedding day. You can’t expect others to treat it like it is.

Thus expecting a gift and people to commit their time when you got married without them is very princessy.

No one is owed a gift, particularly by people who were not invited to the wedding.

I don’t think being late matters unless you had specifically told family that you needed them there on time for photos or if they missed the start of a sit down meal. If it’s just a party with a buffet etc albeit your wedding then I would expect people to come and go throughout the evening. So some are there in the beginning but need to leave early for babysitters or because they have an early start the next day or whatever. Some people arrive a bit later. I don’t think it’s rude unless there is a specific reason to arrive the minute it starts.
I think it’s a bit odd they didn’t get a present but maybe they thought they didn’t need to as it wasn’t the actual wedding. A bottle of champagne is £13 in Aldi so they could at least have got you that. There are usually gift lists for weddings so if you had one then it’s odd they didn’t get you anything. Not worth worrying about though. Hopefully that means they aren’t big present buyers so that is one less person to buy for at Christmas.

You did ask what people thought and clearly the majority think you are over reacting. She did explain the lateness, even if it was a bit of a weak excuse. Perhaps they have no spare cash to buy a gift or maybe they think you have everything you need.
Obviously your wedding party is going to mean everything to you but you can't expect other people to feel the same or for it to be a particularly important event for them. It sounds like she thought it was 'just' a party when obviously to you, it was much more than that. You'll have to just let it go and accept that we are all different!

Most people would buy a wedding present for a sibling regardless of where or how they got married. And turning up an hour late is rude. Is it worth mentioning? Probably not. If they're that self centred you won't change them.

So, sit down meal, top table, speeches, evening buffet, cake cutting? That sort of thing?

This wasn't a wedding though.

It is vulgar and grasping to expect presents. By all means, be very grateful to those who gifted you things, but to expect presents? Am I missing something?