Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

Oh for goodness sake ... you have just had the joy of tying the knot with your life partner and you are fussing about these very minor details.

Getting married is not about totting up presents and making comparisons. It is not about making a fuss over a minor hiccup such as lateness.

You have got a whole lifetime ahead when you need to get on with the family you have married into and you need to play the long game and see the bigger picture.

Frankly I think you are being petty and it is quite bizarre that such a small thing looms so large in your thinking so long after the event.

You have just got married! ... that is all that matters. Concentrate on that. The idea that you might say something to her (or even to her OH ... how is he exempt from this criticism?) is utterly bizarre. What would you say? .... "I note that you failed to buy us a present; and I also disagree that your house viewing is an excuse for lateness." That'll get you all off on the right foot for future family relationships!

Head and wobble spring to kind!

Mind, not kind ...

Oh sorry, I misread! X

@PalmTreeAngel you talk about etiquette but you eloped which isn’t usual wedding etiquette

Yet they weren't there to witness it because you chose to eloped.yabu, it was a party. If she'd arrived late for the ceremony that would have been bad.

You asked if you’re being unreasonable and 90% said yes. That’s not people being snide, it’s people giving honest perspectives that don’t match your own. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel a bit hurt, but expecting your husband to confront his sister over it probably won’t go the way you want. Sometimes it’s worth asking yourself if holding on to this is worth the potential fallout. The truth is hard to hear, and I think often more so when it’s in black and white.

Except it wasn't your actual wedding they were late for. Parties are usually less structured than a wedding and dont have a strict arrival time (unless you specifically said "arrive at x o clock for photos").You also don't know their financial situation and sound entitled griping about gifts for a wedding you didn't invite anyone to 🙄

Sorry to say it but yes, they are. I don't mean this unkindly but when you're in the throes of organising your wedding, it feels like the most important thing in the world. For everyone else, it's at best a nice party, at worst an inconvenience as they may need to spend money/rearrange other plans/travel to get to you. It's just not as important to them as it is to you and that's ok. The most important thing though is that you enjoy it as it's your day, so I wouldn't even think twice about gifts/attendance from anyone else.

OP I am totally with you, and as others have said, it IS a wedding reception and yes, it’s just a nice gesture to take a gift it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Can’t really comment on the timekeeping unless you specifically said please can you be here for this time as taking photos.
YANBU.
Enjoy your married life and don’t let it eat away at you x

Sorry but I think it’s really tacky and cringey to be totalling up how many guests got you presents and moaning about one who didn’t. Regardless of if it was family. No one has to give a gift , if they do you appreciate it but you don’t go slating them because they don’t.

A viewing on her house is big for her , just like a wedding is for you . You do sound like you think your wedding should be the centre of everyone’s world - I get it , I was a bride myself and it is the centre of your world - but you are overreacting.

It also is just a party. The wedding has happened . Guests aren’t joining you on the magical day and seeing it all - it already happened .

Honestly, don’t start married life by taking swipes at your husbands family.

You’re giving off major main character vibes.

You had a dream wedding in St Lucia and a party with your loved ones - many people would be envious of how lucky you are. And you’re focusing on what time a guest turned up - concentrate on what’s actually important and be thankful.

They are not close siblings

She doesn’t talk to my husband

What? How come she was even invited if they are No Contact? Makes no sense.

I was going to say, hold your water, because you may get something later. If I was going to an evening party and had money or a special gift, I wouldn't take it to the venue and leave it there. People get totally pissed, things go missing etc. But now you've said they don't speak, it totally explains why you only got a card.

Why don't they speak??

it also shocks me that people are like this 😅 I completely got what you were saying and I don’t think you were being entitled. I do understand you asked for opinions so people are replying but honestly the rudeness is shocking!

No she's not. Her DH and she are upset about the message her SIL's behaviour sends to them as a couple (i.e. turning up an hour late and not bringing a gift) which they are interpreting as her saying that their wedding celebration isn't important to her. I'd be upset at this apparent snub too - but I'd let it go and say nothing to SIL.

Thank you for this. Also, we have a very small family, it was a small wedding reception party.
We have interpreted it as a snub, but we are both going to let it go now.

Again, I appreciate everyone’s responses but like @Sharrison88 has said, I’m quite shocked at how rude some people have been. Just an excuse to bash someone on the internet I guess.

It's generally best not to read messages into things that are not in fact actual messages.

If I'm late because of an unavoidable house viewing then it's not that deep, it doesn't mean anything else and it's not a message.

Weddings are only important to the bride and groom….and then really only the bride/zilla (delete as appropriate).

Oh my god another wedding one where shock horror the bride is focussing on something so inconsequential! If it isn’t a fat fringe, it is a late sister in law to a reception, she wasn’t even invited to the actual ceremony!
You’ve just supposedly married the love of your life and this is your big concern?!

To be honest, if someone referred to their wedding as an 'elopement' I'd assume they wanted to have the legalities of marriage without the wedding part. Surely the very term suggests a private arrangement that for whatever reason avoids all the fuss of photos and obligations around gifts? Perhaps she didn't understand that an 'elopement' was being followed by a 'reception' and just saw it as a party?

The vote is one thing (and it's clear) but if you've read the whole thread you're being disingenuous. A number of the comments on here aren't just snide, they're positively vicious with some PPs fabricating their own narrative to hurl unfounded insults at OP. People can disagree with OP without being so nasty and cruel. When I read some of those replies it makes me wonder what's the point of MN.

She could have brought a present you hated but would have to be on display each time she visited. Let it go.

If my brother did not invite me to his wedding I would be devastated - sorry but you are being very unreasonable...

Exactly this. I’ve been called grabby and a narcissist which is a total stretch.
honestly, MN is supposed to be supportive, but it really isn’t.

Supportive doesn't mean mindlessly agreeing with you.

How do you know it's not an "actual" message? People interpret others' behaviour all the time - if human beings were so straightforward and only ever did/said what they mean, we'd live in a far more peaceful world. Behaviour can absolutely be used passive-aggressively to "send a message" and I'm sure you know that. Personally, I'd still let this go and say nothing to SIL - partly because it may not be a deliberate snub at all, but OP is unlikely to ever know unless her SIL does something similar in the future.