Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

I really don’t think you’re being unreasonable tbh I would feel the same way. Also it’s ridiculous to suggest this is ‘just a party’ when it clearly isn’t. I have been to a couple of these wedding parties and i have never seen it as ‘just a party’.

its not the value of the gift, it’s the gesture. I personally think your feelings are valid! Congratulations x

Gosh, you sound very entitled. I think choosing or viewing a potential home for my family is WAY more important than snapping a few pictures for the Gram just so you can brag. If they're buying a new home, I'd expect they'll want as much funds as possible, hence the fact you didn't get yourself some new dinner plates from them. Grow up.

Saying "I guess I have different etiquette to most" is just a veiled way of implying you have better etiquette, when you clearly don't.

I also wouldn't turn up to dinner empty handed, but in a world when we totally over consume, it is totally acceptable to turn up to a party to celebrate an event that has already happened empty handed & most invites ask you to do exactly that.

They are celebrating your relationship, your love, not material things, being there is the gift, spending time is the gift. You say they aren't close, yet she came & bought her family, that's the effort, that's the consideration.

And seeing as you didn't answer the questions I asked, I don't know if you told her when the photos were, but if you didn't, you are being unreasonable about the timing as well.

So you "eloped" with your parents in tow? That's novel.

Do you and your husband honestly not understand that SiL might have been hurt that her brother chose to exclude her (and his neices/nephews) from his wedding day by choosing getting married abroad? In her eyes you've treated her like she's no more important than a random colleague.

Only in your head does it sound like that. 🙄

Thank you @Sharrison88 I am so glad someone can see where I am coming from x

OK hun

@Feeltoooldtostudybutdoingitanyway I think those are very good points. Also, selling a house, especially now, is so stressful. They got the opportunity of a last minute viewing, they had to take it. Even after that, they came to your party, with a card and, I am assuming, good wishes.
Just leave it at that.

I 💯 agree. I would not go anywhere without a gift. She could have got a meal voucher or something small for the house.

Honestly, thank you everyone for your responses. We had a fantastic party. I just wanted to know people’s opinions, and I’ve got that now. Along with lots of lovely snide comments which is to be expected of MN I guess.

Ok so they were late because of a house viewing - if their house was being viewed it is possible they are desperate (or getting a bit anxious) to sell. My mum let a viewing be done on my birthday. I had friends around. I was very angry at the time but I realise now this was an anxious time for my family (though she would have continued with it anyway!).

Plus, does everyone have to give you gifts? Really???

If it’s not the value but the gesture then how is a nice card not the gesture?

Wow, you make up that whole nasty narrative and then tell OP to grow up? 🙄Take your own advice.

I see that you don't blame her husband in your annoyance at their actions yet it could have been him insisting on the viewing going ahead and your sil was upset at being late.
And come on op, you say that even a bottle of wine would have been acceptable? I think you would have been more upset!

I never take gifts to wedding parties/receptions only. Sometimes we've only been invited to the evening do (but the wedding happened that day) and we take a card. I've been invited to one wedding reception where the couple had got married abroad and honestly it just felt like a party, we didn't take a gift then either. It didn't feel like a wedding reception at all as they'd already got married weeks before.

To me taking a gift is to kind of 'pay back' the bride and groom for the cost of your food and drink they've paid for, so we only take one if we've attended the actual wedding.

Also being late, most invites say starts from X time, it's only if people are actually invited to the wedding they have to be there by a certain time

My Mother married her second husband at the registry office, no family invited, only selected friends. She did say to me, my sister and sisters in law, if we wanted to put on our best clothes, we could go and watch 😂 no one took her up on this.

On the evening of the wedding day, Mother and selected friends attended an outdoor classical music event and set up an elaborate picnic.

The happy couple had a B list party at a nice local hotel, l declined my invitation and only sent them a card, l didn’t contribute to the expensive present she had requested from her children.

Us ‘children’ were all ok with the new husband, we had no issue with him.

I would let this go. It just isn’t worth it. It could cause all sorts of family drama and upset and isn’t the way I’d want to start married life.

This is what I mean. Unreasonable post, almost bullying tone, telling me to grow up.

@AngelicKaty @RisetteMcG

I’m going to let it go now. Thank you.

The OP is very hung up on the gift rather than a family member coming to the party. She’s putting a lot of emphasis on a gift. People mean more to me than any gift they may give.

DD was at a wedding recently and the couple explained that gifts were unnecessary as the guests company was more than enough but if people did want to buy something, could they donate instead to a charity which was special to the couple. Lovely idea.

Not sure why you've replied to me like this? I agree with you and was replying to the snarky comment Parker231 made.

When we got married, only parents were invited too and my sister as she was bridesmaid. My husband did not want his siblings there.

One of them said they'd ordered a present but it never appeared. We laugh at it now because it just sums them up 😂

A clear take on this is there are different views on weddings abroad and then later parties.

The OP and some others view the later party as of equal value to wedding receptions that happen on the day with the guests having previously watched the ceremony.

Whereas many others view watching the ceremony as the key part.

Even if the wedding party was just like a wedding reception (and was this broadcast in the invitation) I can see why some near relatives may feel it is less important. After all if their presence was so important you would have been married in the UK so they could attend.