Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

I wouldn’t buy a wedding present if wasn’t invited to the wedding. Maybe she’s hurt and upset that she wasn’t invited to her own brother’s wedding?

Your divaish entitlement is off the scale. Stamping your foot and sulking because she wasn't on time to your party? When she's trying to sell her house and probably has a lot on her mind?

It wasn't a wedding and it wasn't a wedding reception, as much as you try and pretend it is to justify your princess behaviour.

Nasty, harsh and unnecessary.

I dont just care about material possessions or pretty photos, because I’m reading into her gestures/ actions. Otherwise I wouldn’t have started this thread. I care very deeply about my relationships, hence why I feel hurt by how it’s come across to us.

There’s such a thing as social etiquette. I have been raised to treat people well, be on time, nice gestures, make an effort socially.

It's annoying that they were late but if they are desperate to sell their home, they probably thought it more important than getting to a party on time.

Personally if I'm not invited to the wedding itself including a full sit down meal etc, I wouldn't bring a gift, so I think a card was sufficient. I did the same at the last 'wedding party' I went to. In my mind it's akin to an evening invitation.

This isn't a hill to die on.

Why didn’t you invite her to your wedding? You expect a wedding gift from her but excluded her from the wedding.

This is one of those rare occasions when, even if you’re technically right, you should keep quiet.

Arriving late to a party - mildly annoying although perhaps understandable under the circumstances (house viewing).

Not bringing a gift - rude and thoughtless imho

Complaining about guest being late and not bringing a gift - extremely rude and grabby.

If you say anything, you’re the one coming across worse. And what would it achieve? They can’t do anything about being late, that’s done. Do you want them to begrudgingly give you a gift now?

It’s obviously not a relationship you value as you only see her a couple of times a year and didn’t invite her to your wedding.

Precisely. Quite a lot of people on here are being quite nasty.

I am really thankful to the measured and balanced responses. I understand about the house viewing. It’s really hard selling a house, and as it wasn’t our ceremony, I don’t mind being late for this. It was actually my husband who was more upset by this, because it is his sister. I am taking a step back and looking at the whole picture. I’m glad she came and I hope she had a great time. I just worry about that relationship and whether she even likes me or us.

It would be nice if people could be a bit more sensitive or empathetic. We got married abroad for very personal reasons.

Thank her for actually bothering to attend your narcissistic party, and buy her a bottle of wine to show your appreciation.

YAB completely U.

If you didn’t invite her to your wedding then you shouldn’t expect a wedding present.

She was late to an informal party for a very good reason.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have to invite her to our wedding ceremony. Why are you seeing this as a slight against her? It was for parents only…

Just try to be happy with what you have, which is a marriage . Try to put aside issues of gifts because down the line, they don't matter. People came, people were happy for you, that is enough.

Jesus. So is every wedding and wedding party narcissistic now?

I wouldn’t buy a present for someone I wasn’t invited to the wedding of.

Did you live together already?
Were you together for years before you got married?
Did you explicitly ask for gifts? Did you have a gift registry?

Because in my circle of friends, if you already live together/have a home set up together & don't explicitly ask for gifts, no one brings them.

We haven't given gifts or been expected to give gifts at the last three weddings we've been to. Gifts seem to be becoming a bit of a thing in the past, at least with people we know.

Plus reception only guests turn up from the start time but not dead on the start time, it's not like they have a ceremony to be in time for. Did your invite have a timeline on it? Stating photos at x time? I can understand being a little annoyed if it did & they came after the time stated but if not, well it was really on you as the couple to convey information like that.

So unless you've missed some inform out of your op, I can understand you being upset, its upsetting when things don't quite go how we plan but I don't think they did anything wrong.

Focus on the beautiful time you had. Really don’t let the actions of one person taint your special day.

You should be smiling from ear to ear today about what a wonderful time you, your husband and your family and friends had. Not fuming over the actions of your SIL.

Family members have their own issues and I’m sure your SIL will surpass this at some time in the future. Let it go, ignore it. Maybe it was a genuine faux pas maybe there is more to it.

Last year my DD got married, my niece, DDs cousin turned up hours late, wearing a pair of jeans and an old shirt. We all just ignored her and had the most fantastic time. I think she felt a bit silly. But she has got other things going on in her life, to be fair.

Presents, who needs them? It’s all just stuff anyway. Enjoy the presents you got and your memories of the lovely time you all had.

Thank you x

If your husband and his sister arent close and hardly ever see each other then I'm not sure why you are both upset by lateness and lack of present. Just have to let it go I think. Families can be strange 😊

Then this is a bigger issue beyond the party - so the ‘non’ present was expected.

You didn't say that they don't really have a relationship. I don't see why you would expect her to behave differently.

Final nail for her was being excluded from her brothers wedding.

I wonder what she would say, if she started a thread.

I think it’s astonishingly crass to expect gifts from someone you didn’t invite to your wedding.

So is every wedding and wedding party narcissistic now?

It wasn't a wedding or a wedding party. It was just a party.

They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others

This sentence makes me want to back away from OP very slowly.

Leave people alone and stop diagnosing them as "avoidant" just because they prefer peace and quiet to manufactured drama, along the lines of whatever ruckus you'd cause if you Said Something about this ridiculous situation.

If I were invited to a post wedding party it wouldn't cross my min there would be formal photos, or that I would have to be there dead on time (unless the invitation made it clear).

I'm of the mindset that watching the actual wedding is the most important bit, not a celebration days afterwards.