Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others

Your job as a wife is to just be polite to your in laws and DH’s family. If there’s an issue, it’s for DH to raise. Absolutely no one’s going to thank you for wading in and “sorting things out”, that’s your DH’s job as it’s his family.

How was it like a reception rather than a party? Was it quite formal with a sit down meal?

Maybe it’s because of your raising how you feel in the past has led to the no gift!

It wasn’t a wedding through, you chose to elope and to exclude your family from that part. Truth is, weddings are a lot more important to the couple than most other people who attend them. Your family weren’t important enough for you to want them to be at the actual wedding.
Yes a gift would be nice, but it’s grabby and entitled to be having a strop because they didn’t get you one. They were late to a party because of a house viewing, which to them, may have been more necessary at the time.
Hopefully you had a wonderful celebration, so get a grip and move on with a wonderful married life. It’s just one day, family are (hopefully) forever

I can understand your SIL feeling sad you decided to have your wedding abroad so she didn't see her brother get married.
Not saying you did this but my view is couples get married abroad to avoid having family at their wedding as they don't want all the fuss (or they don't actually want the family members there).
I would imagine your SIL might have felt a bit hurt by this. To then be expected to attend a party when you got back, as a substitute wedding reception, if this was my brother not sure I would want to turn that all so fair play to your SIL for doing so.
No way would I have got you a gift, you didn't want me at your wedding so don't expect me to buy you anything. Your SIL probably knows you well enough to know not getting you a gift would p* you off. In her shoes I would have done the same.

Sometimes people give a gift in the mail as opposed to bringing it to the event.

This totally, you didn't invite your SIL to your wedding, very hurtful.
Having the wedding abroad, parents only sends a message, don't be surprised if SIL sends reacts, I can only imagine how hurt she must be.

It is…but this wasn’t your wedding. This was you throwing a party for the presents 🤷‍♀️

I bet your soon to be ex-SIL spent a fortune on going to the reception, stop being greedy.

This totally nails it, could not agree more

They weren’t even invited to the wedding, just a party and you sound grabby. Everyone keeps telling you but obviously everyone else is in the wrong and not you. Not sure why you even post. Massively unreasonable.

Your guests spent a lot on the party…outfits, babysitters, taxis, hotels?, drinks…

you are being a brat.

I totally agree with you, OP! I get it.

So they didnt get you a gift - Get over it

You pointedly excluded people from your wedding but now expect them to get excited about it and spend money on you??? Absurd.

@PalmTreeAngeljust step outside your bubble - selling a house is extremely stressful, combine this with wrangling 2 kids to a reception party, have you considered she was stressed, or maybe worse, they’re skint at the moment?

You basically wanted nobody to attend the actual wedding, but did a party back at home - fine, people attended but it does sound like you did it just for gifts if this is really bothering you? I agree with a pp, it sounds grabby.

Oh and for a wedding reception party, there is no start time where everybody should be there, it’s more of an arrive from time - nothing wrong with them having a house viewing first!

Did you have a reception in order to celebrate with family and friends?

Did you have a reception in order to receive gifts from family and friends?

Hello OP, what was the purpose of organising a wedding reception party on a separate date and location from the wedding ceremony? I am assuming it was so that friends and family could join you in celebrating the occasion.

I think you need to ask yourself whether not being at the event from start to finish or getting a present stopped you from celebrating your marriage as planned? Whereas not allowing a prospective buyer to view the house could stop a potential sale.

Personally, I would not hold a lack of gift against anyone either as everyone’s financial situation is different and I would hate to think my actions made someone feel obligated to spend money on a gift they really cannot afford.

Good post, Aquathest.

Turning up late to a wedding would be wrong and disrespectful (without a good reason). But a party to celebrate a wedding that has already happened is fine.

if you thought it so important for them to be in your ‘wedding pictures’ and to get a wedding present from them then you should have had a wedding which they could attend and invite them.

OP wanted some cash to claw back the wedding expenses.
SIL was probably laughing her butt off, picturing OP's reaction opening the light card.

My advice is to not make a big deal out of it but to meet her with the same disinterested energy. Don’t put in any effort to connect with her and get on with your life, connected to those who connect with you.

I eloped and then had a reception at home. I genuinely don’t have a clue what my in laws gave as gifts (if anything). I’m just glad they came to celebrate us. Even if they hadn’t, it would be fine. This is so inconsequential.

I would not have been late and I hate people being late I think it’s rude and disrespectful. But as others said I do not think there is much to be done and it’s for your husband to manage his family. Congratulations on your wedding and just forget her behaviour.

Frankly, yes — you’re being entitled. You eloped, excluding your family from the actual wedding, and now you’re upset your husband’s sister didn’t drop a house viewing for your party or shower you with gifts? A card is a kind, appropriate gesture. Comparing what colleagues gave you to what family owes you is shallow and self-absorbed. Your priorities need a serious check.