Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

[PalmTreeAngel]

We had our wedding reception party a week ago, and my husband’s sister not only arrived late… but she only got us a card and no gift. Meanwhile, I’ve received very nice gifts from new colleagues I’ve met from work and my mum’s friends.

The reason she arrived late (along with her husband and two young daughters) is because they had a last minute viewing on their house.

AIBU to feel hurt and insulted by this?

I have tried talking to my husband about this, but he just shrugs it off. He feels similar to me, but won’t do anything about it or say anything to her. I think he ought to say something, but that’s me. They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

It’s because you eloped. My mother did the same.

They are a 'thing' as I described in my last post.

YABVVU! Very grabby and unpleasant OP.

But it wasn't a wedding. It was just a party 🤷‍♀️
If it was a gift grab, you should have been more specific

It’s only really especially important to you and your husband though.

I voted YABU because as the host, it is extremely crass to expect a gift and further to provoke your husband into confronting his sister.
That said, as guest, the SiL should have brought a gift and that she didnt is a pointed message to you. She is not happy and you can either choose to find out why or pick a fight.

........but I happen to think a wedding is a very important event!

So important that you made sure not to invite your whole family?

People have told you what they thought and you clearly don't like it. So clearly you wanted people to have the same view as you.

Got me, the house viewing was important and desire what you say it wasn't an 'actual' wedding so people tend not to arrive on time anyway.

I personally would have bought a gift but if someone hadn't got me I wouldn't have taken it to be such a slight as you have done. It shows that possessions mean more to you and you're not giving off a good look. I'm glad she didn't get you a gift. There's a high chance that if she had, you would have found fault with it too.

You should drop this @PalmTreeAngel

this should be the happiest time of your life, don’t waste it grubbing about for gifts. You’re obviously not a young couple just setting up home, you got married in the Caribbean, you don’t need gifts for goodness sake .

Just be happy you have friends and family who came to your do

I’d find it very hard to get worked up about this. It was only a party. Be grateful for the gifts you did get.

Sorry OP but it wasn’t a wedding reception it was at best a party. The rules are different. I also think gifting rules are different when you don’t have a proper wedding for people to come to. I don’t mind giving a gift if I’m to share in the special day and be fed and watered. But otherwise it’s a bit cheeky to expect expensive gifts. I also eloped and had a party - I didn’t expect a single present and said as much to guests. We did get a few but we couldn’t expect to forgo guests at our wedding then expect people to behave like wedding guests at a party

It’s not in the slightest bit important to anyone other than the people getting married. You sound very needy.

The more pp I read the funnier it gets, you sound ridiculous, I can almost hear you stamping your feet. Is the real issue here you just don’t like his sister?

Wow, grabby much? You're only pissed off because you feel you should have been showered with gifts. Most couples nowadays don't expect gifts, we even told our guests to please not give us anything

It wasn’t a wedding so no need for a gift.
A card is a nice gesture.
Just a party, so presumably expected to be very relaxed.
In shoes I would have prioritised selling the house. And I don’t know if I’d have included a gift, it would feel a bit unnecessary as not at the wedding.

I get that, but was she invited to your actual wedding or just the after party? If not important enough to be invited, I do think that it's a bit hypocritical to give out about being a bit late to a party to celebrate when you admit the wedding is important!

Was it a sit down wedding breakfast or a DJ and a buffet? She should have given a gift, how ‘big’ would depend on the type of party.

I do think you need to consider that it wasn’t a proper wedding reception as you were already married etc so people might not have understood the formality you expected in terms of punctuality.

Entitlement re the gifting is what makes you look bratty. Gifting is always optional, even if it is socially expected in some circumstances. Holding it against anyone who didn’t bring a gift is horribly bad manners.

You have every right to be annoyed, OP.
Being late to any formal occasion where photo taking is expected is bad enough but going late and empty handed to a wedding reception where you are fed and entertained (I'm guessing there's food and dancing) is outrageous!
You wouldn't go to a dinner party empty handed, why would you go to a wedding reception / party with nothing?

My husband brother refused to turn off a football match he had on his iPad during our speeches and then most of the family left immediately after the service because we opted to not serve alcohol (because my husband is in recovery).

So if they respected you once arrived, I’d let it go tbh

But it wasn't a wedding OP. It was a party after the fact.
You've eloped and then had a party after. The etiquette is that when a couple invite you to their wedding and the following reception you give a gift and celebrate the start of their married life together.
All bets are off when it's an elopement followed by a party. I hope your wedding was wonderful and all you wanted it to be but you're giving this woman a hard time for arriving to a party late.

I think it is different if you have to do the legal bit separately but you chose to have a wedding abroad. The guests giving you presents were nice, but I assume your SIL just saw it as party and didn’t need to give present as you didn’t want people at your actual wedding

A friend of mine eloped for a small wedding with her DH and kids. They had a house party a few weeks later. Though it was 20 years ago, I still deeply regret that I treated it as ‘just a party’ and arrived with only a bottle of wine. I should have given a proper wedding-value gift, equivalent to what they had generously given at my more traditional church-and-dinner wedding. It was an important occasion to them, and I treated it as a casual thing. I wish I’d done differently.

I really couldn’t get worked up by this. If they were late, they were late. If they didn’t buy a gift, they didn’t buy a gift. You should never expect people to buy gifts, if they want to and they can then that’s lovely of them, but if not then that’s fine too. Just let it go and enjoy your new married life

I agree, you may well have upset family by eloping. I would bring a gift to a party but not much really.