Page 10 | Husband’s sister treatment at our wedding reception

RhododendronFlowers · 19/04/2025 22:03

Hoydenish · 19/04/2025 22:02

An elopement means no gifts, traditionally, so you can't grumble without looking grabby.

Your inlaws were a bit late to your do. That's okay, they've got a house to sell. hope they move a long long way away from you

Maybe they want to leave Devon.

coldcallerbaiter · 19/04/2025 22:03

Come on, you always bring a present to a party, you even bring a bottle or flowers to a house party.

OP let this go, it could have been a one off rush or mistake. See how they are in future and if they are flaky in future just distance yourself, you don’t need to have a confrontation, there’s no point.

Trumptonagain · 19/04/2025 22:03

They’re a very avoidant family, but I like to raise how I feel with others (with the hopes that we work through it of course).

Then do so, don't leave it for your DH to deal with.
If you like to let others know raise the issue with her yourself.

viques · 19/04/2025 22:04

CharlotteStreetW1 · 19/04/2025 21:58

Sorry YABU and I think you need to put your resentment to bed and start your in-law relationships afresh.

If I was invited to the evening only - which this effectively is - I might not take a gift.

She might have been really hurt not to have been invited to her brother's "private" wedding.

Congratulations on your marriage though 😊

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You’ve done it now. CharlotteStreet, you’ve said congratulations on your marriage, I think that means you owe her a gift.
😀

Namechangean · 19/04/2025 22:06

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:20

Make up party? Are you for real?
So I’ve done it a bit differently - it doesn’t mean it’s a make up party. A lot of people on here are acting as if a wedding is for the guests. And you’re being passive aggressive not getting a gift just because you didn’t come to the ceremony?
it isn’t just a party, I spent quite a lot - wedding prices - on what was a wedding celebration party - a reception party. Many of my friends and family were delighted to be there, celebrating with us. I was just a bit taken aback by her behaviour and it’s left a poor taste in my mouth.
My husband is quite angry and upset by it. I feel awkward as I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’ll likely drop it, but just wanted to know what other people thought.

some people are being quite nasty however as these things can be quite hurtful.

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Look I got married abroad too, it sounds lovely. But you have to accept that some people will not view your party as a wedding, because you got married abroad. Some people might be upset but have not said anything. My MIL for example promised she supported us eloping, but when we got back made a load of passive aggressive comments about how she couldn’t be there. Dont take it so personally, just be happy you got to do your wedding your way!

TheQuietestSpace · 19/04/2025 22:06

Did you wear a wedding dress?

skippy67 · 19/04/2025 22:07

No not really. I’m not that ridiculous - but I happen to think a wedding is a very important event!

It wasn't a wedding though...

treesandsun · 19/04/2025 22:07

It wasn't a wedding - you had that privately. A wedding reception usually takes place immediately after the wedding - this was a party to celebrate the wedding no one was invited to. Although it is traditional to bring a gift - I would not be in the least bit bothered if someone didn't bring one. If they were late because they were watching Netflix then I think you would have a point but when they are trying to sell their house and it was not as if they left you at the party with no one else there. I think you're making a big fuss over nothing.

MummaMummaMumma · 19/04/2025 22:10

I also got married abroad and had a reception once home.
I did not expect presents from anyone! Although, I did get lots.
Unless otherwise stated, the invitation will say what time the party starts... As in arrive sometime after that time.
Their reason for being late is totally valid.

Bigcat25 · 19/04/2025 22:12

We had a city hall wedding but the dinner and drinks after ending up being very expensive. People probably thought it was going to be more casual than it was as we didn't have formal invites. Lots didn't bring gifts, didn't bother me at all. On the other hand, lots of relatves who weren't invited due to distance gave generously anyway.

I can see that you see this party as your wedding reception op, and that is totally fair. However it isn't worth bringing up the lack of gift.

Susieblue18 · 19/04/2025 22:12

How do you normally get on with sister in law? Did you asked her if she wanted to attend the wedding abroad? It’s a tricky one, if it was my brother I would hope to be invited, whether I could go or not. I would probably be annoyed by them being late but not worth getting yourself upset about. I would definitely buy my brother a wedding gift, even if there was no evening party so I think that’s a bit odd. Could he ask his mum, just incase there was meant to be a voucher or something she forgot to put in the card? Sounds like there’s something more going on that she’s not happy about.

Switcher · 19/04/2025 22:13

Sometimes I worry that maybe I'm too self absorbed or petty or generally unlikeable. Then I read threads like this and feel reassured that I'm not that bad.

Sherararara · 19/04/2025 22:14

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:20

Make up party? Are you for real?
So I’ve done it a bit differently - it doesn’t mean it’s a make up party. A lot of people on here are acting as if a wedding is for the guests. And you’re being passive aggressive not getting a gift just because you didn’t come to the ceremony?
it isn’t just a party, I spent quite a lot - wedding prices - on what was a wedding celebration party - a reception party. Many of my friends and family were delighted to be there, celebrating with us. I was just a bit taken aback by her behaviour and it’s left a poor taste in my mouth.
My husband is quite angry and upset by it. I feel awkward as I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’ll likely drop it, but just wanted to know what other people thought.

some people are being quite nasty however as these things can be quite hurtful.

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“I’ll likely drop it, but just wanted to know what other people thought.”

yeah, you really don’t sound like the type who will drop it.

Anonymouseposter · 19/04/2025 22:15

As a general response to your first post, there are times when it isn’t helpful to”air how you feel “. What do you think it would achieve for your husband to say or do anything about it other than a family fall out. It was a bit mean not to bring a gift but it’s not very polite to tell someone that you were unhappy they didn’t give you a present. I would just let it go.

Willwetalk · 19/04/2025 22:15

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 20:59

Thanks, I appreciate that!

But I’m not too fussed about the lateness thing on its own - it’s this combined with only receiving a card too.

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It really doesn't matter.

rwalker · 19/04/2025 22:17

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:13

I still think that’s important… guess I’m not like most!

It’s not just a party!

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“You think” that’s the problem other people don’t

PinkyFlamingo · 19/04/2025 22:17

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:00

No not really. I’m not that ridiculous - but I happen to think a wedding is a very important event!

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But it wasn't a wedding? You eloped and got married This was only a party...

LoobyLott · 19/04/2025 22:17

Mountain meet Mole-hill.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/04/2025 22:19

My DH & I got married alone (our decision). A month later we had a party. My friends and family didn't come (was fine as we live in a different country). If it had been our actual wedding, they would have come because a wedding is important. A party is not. I did not mind in the slightest that they didn't come, nor did I mind that many of the guests did not bring gifts. I didn't expect any, as it wasn't an actual wedding. YABRidiculous.

Youvebeenframed · 19/04/2025 22:20

PalmTreeAngel · 19/04/2025 21:13

I still think that’s important… guess I’m not like most!

It’s not just a party!

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Yes it is exactly that it’s just a party 🥴
This isn’t a cross to die on - let it go

whitewineandsun · 19/04/2025 22:21

Hoppinggreen · 19/04/2025 21:05

You eloped, which you have every right to do but it means some people won't pretend your party is a wedding

This and the fact that they're trying to sell a house. They were late to a party for a good reason. She's not the unreasonable one.

WtP · 19/04/2025 22:22

26 years ago today we were in Scotland on our honeymoon after our wedding on the 17th of April, I doubt either of us could tell you what gifts we got on our wedding day? Or totted it up as to who had given what a month later.
7 of our guests were late one couple by 2 hours as she thought her waters had broken (DS arrived 2 days later) we had a fantastic day and never gave a second thought to it spoiling our day as we understood just because it was "our special day" the world has other things going on.
It still remains the best single day memory of our life together.

Pluvia · 19/04/2025 22:23

At this party of yours did you provide drinks and food?

Annascaul · 19/04/2025 22:24

You eloped, ffs! Despite declaring that “weddings are very important events” 😆
Nobody owes you a present.

hididdlyho · 19/04/2025 22:24

I find wedding gifts quite an outdated concept unless the couple have been living separately before marriage, was there a gift list sent with the invite? If your husband is willing to shrug it off, I would be willing to let it lie as he's the one who's contributed in setting up the dynamic he has with his sister.