To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

I just, like, lowkey think that, like, the vibe is off here… Women can earn more than men and still be in a happy and healthy relationship. They can have more assets than men and be in their “feminine energy”… or whatever you want to call it. It’s shocking, but you can actually support, honour and show appreciation to loved ones in ways other than showering them with money/funding them. Sure, do whatever makes you happy, that’s one thing - but when it comes to the very blanket statement “AIBU to think you should NEVER live with a man unless he pays for everything?”… yes. Yes, you are.

It makes it completely invalid, because it’s based on a false ‘polarity’, based on your entrenched gender stereotypes.

Masculine provider energy 😂😂

Does your husband know you are playing on his computer?

I’m not dressing up anything - I’m simply describing a dynamic that many women actively choose because it aligns with how they want to show up in relationships. The difference is that this isn’t about control or blind submission - it’s about conscious polarity, mutual respect, and shared intention.

Just because something echoes older values doesn’t make it oppressive, especially when it’s chosen freely, not enforced. Autonomy includes the right to want structure, leadership and provision even if it doesn’t fit someone else’s idea of progress.

Me and DP both work full-time, share all housework, don't have kids, he deals with his own "life admin", sorts out his own gifts to his family, we each have our own bank accounts (although we do have a joint one where we both pay an equal amount to cover household costs). So yes, everything is a 50-50 split, in fact I wouldn't expect anything more from him, why would I?

Only if emotional intelligence, loyalty, and peace count as rent.

“Some of us value traditional masculine provision “

What in the name of 1950’s is this even supposed to mean ?!

Is that a new electricity supply firm? Do they have any good introductory tariffs? I assume they don't require a smart meter.

No, just a woman with standards who knows how to articulate them - sorry if that’s unsettling. But feel free to keep scrolling if nuance and self-respect feel too “TikTok” for you.

“Masculine provider energy” is hilarious. 😂

It’s also completely nonsensical. You can believe in it all you like, that doesn’t mean it exists.

I'm picturing men on giant hamster wheels powering up the lights.

show up 😂

Depends if you are his partner or whore?

But why don’t you require that from the male ‘provider’ in equal amounts? That’s what makes you sound so tragic, as you are implying he doesn’t have to provide any of these things if he’s financing the household. A relationship in which only one person is emotionally intelligent and loyal (it’s not clear what you mean by ‘peace’) is never going to work.

Women who have jobs don't have self respect?

Ah, that masculine energy, eh. Would that be the same masculine energy that likes wearing fishnets and lipstick and going into women's loos?

I pay all the bills. Every single one.

i’m the higher earner too.

how does that fit into your ethos @ThisSereneSnail ?

If you had self respect I don't think you'd post drivel like this thread.

Financial leadership just means a partner who takes initiative in providing stability, structure and support - not someone who expects their partner to carry half the load while doing twice the emotional work. Some of us value that and there’s nothing wild about it.

Meanwhile, some of us are aware it’s not 1950.

I think making this about money is a red herring. What matters is equal effort / equal contribution - or equal energy - to keeping the team ship afloat. In some relationships that will be equal financial contribution + split of domestic / child related labour. In other relationships that means that one party is in charge of the income and the other takes on more of the other labour.

obviously both contributing equally financially while one party sits around and plays video games while the other does the laundry and cooking is a horrible set up.

But my relationship, as a SAHP I make zero financial contribution - if you spoke to my husband about it he would confirm that I pull my weight fully in terms of our team effort.

people need to have these conversations about expectations in advance of moving in together. There isn’t a one size fits all scenario.

"If I’m contributing emotionally, practically and often carrying the invisible load that keeps things running."

That's purely subjective. As the late HRH would say, 'recollections may vary'.

In the rinser article, the rinser felt that a man should pay because she'd spent $20,000 on a XL boob job, was wearing several kilos of expensive make up and didn't have cheap nylon hair extensions, spray on tan, inch long false eyelashes, and sparkly, sequinned dress (more drag queen, than classy), and someone had to pay for all this - despite these being all her choices.

Does your protector and provider know you're wasting your time on MN instead of cooking his dinner?

Oh aye, “traditional masculine provision” yeah? Fuck off with your trad wives bullshit.