To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

It doesn't sound unfamiliar. On the contrary, it sounds depressingly old-fashioned and familiar. Are you really trying to dress up this patriarchal bullshit as some new idea?!

Is this a reverse? Are you a cocklodger?

No, I’m not a “rinser” and I don’t think expecting masculine provision in a relationship means expecting luxury dinners and Cartier bracelets. What I said was about share values and polarity: if I’m contributing emotionally, practically and often carrying the invisible load that keeps things running, I want to feel secure and supported in return and yes, that includes financial leadership.

It’s nothing to do with rinsing - it’s about choosing a dynamic that works for both people. Some of us just don’t want a partner that feels like a flatmate with benefits. That doesn’t make us entitled - it makes us clear.

And we've had "holding it down" and "low vibe" too! I think I'm gonna need a bingo card!

Good grief. I think the OP is actually serious. 🤔

Well, when the "energy" of the "masculine provider" finds a focus elsewhere and you're left up financial shit creek sans paddle as the "leadership" has checked out, all that emotional nurture won't amount to a roof or an income.

Unless you mean he pays for everything and you hang on to all your money, which is equally dodgy in a different way.

It could work.

If he's your dad and you are under 18.

I'd expect a dad to pay for their child.

While I think you have a point, I am more swayed to thinking it is a woman raised without confidence in her own abilities, or not motivated/too lazy/scared/doesn't know how to explore them, in the big bad outside word and wanting to move directly from being under parental wings, to another parental figure.

It probably stems from either the parents own relationship, or poor parenting.

Shame really as it leads to only living half a life and very one sided relationship - risky strategy when a relationship fails and they simply don't know how to support themselves.

Or maybe I’m just someone who holds a different standard and doesn’t need to wrap it up in sarcasm to feel smart. We can joke all we like but roles, values and relationship expectations are still conversations worth having, even if they make people uncomfortable.

Oh god are you that 'feminine energy' weirdo off tiktok?

What an utter waste of women's potential that would be.

Sad that you have such limited expectations for yourself.

‘Financial leadership? WTAF?

This reads as if a particularly partisan AI has generated it.

I do most of the cooking, most of the driving, most holiday organisation, most of the tidying. My partner does most of the laundry, most of the mowing, most of the cleaning, most of the shopping. So who should pay the majority of the bills? I am genuinely intrigued.

Bet it was a man that made this crap up.

Do you actually.have a partner that happily goes along with your fantasy, aka being a complete mug or is it all just wishful thinking ?

The 1950s are calling, they want the housewife back

I do believe in being a team, just not a team where both people are playing the exact same position. For me, a relationship works best when we each bring different strengths. I show up emotionally, practically, and often take the lead in nurturing the relationship and home. I value a man who leads financially and brings stability. That’s how I feel supported and how I’m best able to pour into the relationship. It’s not about one person holding it down entirely - it’s about not both holding half while both feeling like we’re carrying more than that.

Is this Lauren off of MAFS AUS?

Every man could be Chief Financial Officer of his own household, if only his wife let him!

It does give off a bit of a red pill vibe.

Well, I think if literally everyone disagrees with you on something based on opinion rather than solid fact, I think it does make it ‘untrue’ or ‘wrong’. At least in our society.

Just curious @ThisSereneSnail.
if you have daughters, are you raising them to be mums or are you encouraging a career?
If you have sons, are you teaching them any housekeeping skills?

In that case, you need to be quiet and get back in kitchen, little lady. eye roll

You want to be a trad wife?!