To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

😂

For what it’s worth OP I understand where you’re coming from and pp seem unable to understand that not everyone wants to be held to a financial equality model when lots of other aspects of a relationship aren’t or can’t be equally shared out - bearing children, caregiving - either wholly or disproportionately fall to women. I don’t see men falling over themselves to pick up an equal share of caregiving the way some women fall over themselves to make sure they are 50/50 with money.

Those with their completely fair and equitable relationships where everyone is doing an equal amount, great but that’s not borne out in the majority of relationships, in this country or anywhere else.

Those who don’t understand what emotional labour and cognitive burdens are in a relationship, it’s not difficult to find out what OP means:

www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210518-the-hidden-load-how-thinking-of-everything-holds-mums-back

It’s clear reading through the thread that this is a generation of women hoodwinked by the concept of feminism and fake equality - I only hope our daughters aren’t as stupid

When I worked FT and was on site every day, the laundry still didn't take the whole weekend, not did the cleaning.

It doesn't take "hours and hours" when both of you do five or ten minutes here or there. The laundry can be put in the machine in 5 minutes, and most have a delay function so you could put it in before bed and hang it in the morning before work.

I am not the only one saying you're being excessive with how long you think a small house takes to keep clean to a decent standard.

@Chiseltip I hope you aren't laughing at the serious subject of the need for women to show up emotionally for the invisible aligned dynamics of a non-gendered split involving emotional check -ins ! It's crucial we all follow this approach. No giggles allowed!

Sorry.

My bad. Just need to align my dynamics.

I never suggested it took the 'whole weekend' to clean a smaller house.

Both people doing 10 minutes here and there adds up to hours, that is just a fact. Preparing and cooking a dinner every evening and cleaning up after that takes an hour or more etc.

A dinner and the clear up doesn't take an hour or more every day.

For example, yesterday I had family round so I did a pasta sauce (slow cooked, from scratch, it takes 3 hours to cook but it mostly does it itself and make it while I'm working or while we're in the house anyway). I did a batch of the sauce that would feed 15 people, despite only 6 needing feeding yesterday. There's three of us normally, so that extra 9 portions gets divvied into pots and frozen. It'll feed us three more times, and will take 20 minutes max to prep.

Do that every time you make anything freezable and time consuming and you have a freezer full of quick (but entirely homemade) meals. And then because you're just warming through and adding minimal the clear up is quick too.

You are genuinely making things take way too long.

Be a stay at home parent if that works for you and your family. No judgement on that. But don't pretend that it's because it's a full time job to clean and cook; too many of us do that alongside work and have fulfilling lives outside of the house and work to know you're talking rubbish. And most of us don't have low standards either.

What experience has taught you this in life?

If you take care to act like a responsible person and your partner does the same, then that provides a solid foundation.

It has nothing to do with how you split finances. For some couples a 50/50 split will work. For some it will be a different split. It depends on the relationship.

You may well value and want to split things a certain way, and meet someone who thinks the same. You might meet someone who wants to do it differently. No one knows.

It's also not that important at the end of the day to be dictatorial about a 75/25 split.

Jesus Christ at what point have I said it is a FT job! I have distinctly said it is a PT job for me as I have a large property.

I have also said I still had to dedicate a number of hours to domestic chores when I was working FT in my 2 bed property.

Suggesting you can do all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry in under an hour is a fallacy unless you have incredibly low standards... Otherwise it does take hours and hours over the course of the week, whether that is done bit by bit or not.