To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

Honestly? It sounds like you’ve already found a rhythm that works and that’s the goal. My point isn’t that women never contribute equally or that men always pay more - it’s that in many relationships, the split looks equal on paper but isn’t in practice. Emotional load, relationship maintenance and caregiving often go unseen and unmeasured.

If you and your partner have genuinely shared responsibilities and mutual respect, the financial dynamic should reflect what makes both of you feel secure, supported, and valued - not just what looks mathematically “even.” That might be 50/50, 70/30, or something else entirely. For me, that includes masculine financial leadership but I respect that every couple defines balance differently.

I can't see anything on the comparison sites about Maculine Provider Energy. Are they better than OVO? What are their switching incentives?

Nah, it’s preferable to work as a partnership, with both partners contributing equally, including emotional involvement.

Yes but the Op wants to keep her earnings to herself whilst expecting a man to spend all his keeping the both of them .

I think you should never cohabit with a man if you are not married. Marriage is some sort of a guarantee - well, in case you divorce. Otherwise you are providing sex on tap, housekeeping services and all the time he is looking for a better option, whilst your reproductive health suffers and he is able to breed into his 80s. Look at the threads on here - oh, we have been together for X years and he took off - what recourse do I have? Bugger all is your recourse. Oh, I helped to build up his career and he has just hopped off into the sunset with a woman he works with.... What recourse do I have? I don't know why women are so intent to make the same mistake again and again.

Obviously, if you are playing the long game (Kate Middleton) and what is her face that snatched the Duke of whatever when the Duke was on a 'temporary break' with his long-term girl-friend, other rules apply, I am sure.

But if they are not oligarchs, or royalty and you have no 'cunning plans for future', why let those wankers get away with no obligations?

Obviously, if you are the Duchess of whatever/Senior Partner/etc. and he is a plumber, then you may not want to marry him, but in the majority of cases it is bog-standard people playing stupid games with non-committing.

I find it so weird you talking about 'twice the emotional work'. My husband is an amazing parent who does the same amount of emotional work as me. Why have that expectation going in - that you're going to be some dogsbody? I contribute half to all bills as well. I think you're living on another planet.

I’ve had partners who naturally show up that way and funnily enough, they didn’t see it as being a mug, just as being a man who values what I bring and leads with what he brings. Not every dynamic has to make sense to you for it to be real - just like not every woman wants to split bills, emotional load, and the mental gymnastics of pretending that’s balance. It’s not fantasy. It’s just a different standard - one I stand by.

Who cares what kind of relationship you want, OP? What’s it got to do with anyone else?

All this is just an awful lot of words for preferring a trad relationship. Who cares?

Don and Betty Draper

I think it’s fine for you to want what you want in a relationship. But not to prescribe what others might want or what works best for them. I would never date a man who wanted to be a provider or a protector, and I don’t want leadership. Those things are turn offs for me. But then I also wouldn’t be able to bear someone who describes people as having certain energies, or use words like vibes, energy or alignment when it comes to relationships. I just would not show up.

I agree with this. I clicked the wrong poll answer.

So they didtnt stick around then gotcha.

Nope, just a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it without reality TV editing.

I have standards and self-respect and I don't know why you're implying that those of us (the overwhelming majority, BTW) who don't agree with you, don't.
So, presumably your DH (or DP) agrees with your view of your relationship? How long have you been together?

We are currently playing to our strengths - Mr Monkey has taken his masculine provider energy off to work and I am laying on the sofa watching Buffy and eating easter eggs (ps I earn three times more than him - what about my feminine provider energy eh?)

You beat me to it 😆

hang on, gonna need the BIG box of popcorn and an extra large coke for this one.

I do agree in the sense that if men expect women to go 50/50 on finances but they don't go 50/50 on mental load, emotional labour, housework etc this is how women end up burnt out and frazzled and then relationships can die. If a woman (eg sahm) agreed with her partner that she'd take on this stuff them doing it all on top of high pressured full time job isn't sustainable or if it is then she'll be moody and resentful, and not a happy source or joy for him and the kids.

However, I would argue more towards men stepping up with improving their emotional intelligence and taking on more of the mental load rather than women expecting men to pay bills as most men can't afford to run a household that's nice enough for two adults to live in, let alone if kids too

This all sounds like American bullshit psychobabble

You better share it lol

I am not voting because there is no option for batshittery

hahahah nope

Are you a wannabe WAG?

Is it the Victoria Beckham model where you pretend to be a successful fashion designer with a shop in Mayfair and Paris fashion shows while your husband pays off your million pound losses every year? Is she your icon, your inspiration?

I feel sorry for who ends of with you

I’d raise both sons and daughters to understand their value and to build lives rooted in intention, not default settings. If I had daughters, I’d encourage them to explore their gifts, pursue meaningful work if they want to, and never apologise for wanting to prioritise family, feminine energy or softness, if that’s what fulfils them.
If I had sons, I’d absolutely teach them life skills, emotional intelligence, and leadership - not just financial responsibility but the character to protect and provide emotionally too. I don’t believe in raising one-dimensional people - I believe in raising people who can lead and love with purpose.