To be upset by this reason for not coming to my wedding?

[Thegirlintheredsunglasses]

My fiancé and I are planning to get married in 2027. Our dream wedding would be in our favourite place in Italy. We pretty much ruled it out at first because we knew it is a lot to ask of people and a lot of people probably won’t be able to come. I was getting a bit stressed out with the guest list, not wanting to cause upset whilst also sticking to a reasonable budget. I suddenly thought, why not still do it abroad but have a smaller, intimate wedding with immediate family and then have a party over here as a celebration with extended family etc. (after having a look, it’s also so much cheaper, so that’s a massive bonus!)

I decided to ask my closest family first whether they would be up for it. One family member that I am very very close to and really want to be there said “I can’t because of the dog” I said well this will only be for immediate family so couldn’t your partner or someone else look after him? She said “my partner works through the day”

AIBU to be upset by this? I’m trying not to be because I know it’s a lot to ask. And if she would have said “oh I’m not sure, I’d have to see if I can sort out arrangements for the dog” that would’ve been absolutely fine. It’s just the fact that without even thinking about how to make it work, she just said no straight away. I’m giving 2 years notice! I’m not here to slag her off, I feel guilty writing this because I really love her dearly but it’s hurt me how she would gladly miss my wedding rather than try to find someone to look after her dog, or leave him with her partner for a few days.

Please tell me IABU to be upset over this? I haven’t said anything to her though, I’ve just left it.

That’s frankly a bit weird.
what about work? What about that overnight travel for work? What about holidays? What about hospital stays/illnesses? What about important family events such as weddings, funerals, birthdays, bar mitzvah’s, christenings etc?
you're storing up problems for the future and actually been unfair to your animals if they are that dependent on you. I guess the only exception maybe is if you’re a farmer or live in a zoo.

there’s a whole world of interactive fun with humans out there

That's not how it works with dogs. They aren't children that you to prepare for adulthood and surviving in the wider world without you.

Nonsense, they have a great life, all bases are covered.

Sorry if I’m misunderstanding, but is it just about the dog? Are you sure it isn’t really because she doesn’t want to use up her limited annual leave and holiday budget attending a party without her partner? Presumably if she comes along she would also need to employ a temporary dog walker for when her partner is at work.

Sorry if I’m misunderstanding, but is it just about the dog? Are you sure it isn’t really because she doesn’t want to use up her limited annual leave and holiday budget attending a party without her partner?
It doesn't matter if it's about the dog or not.
This person has said no.
Remember the zmN adage' no is a complete sentence!'
( it's not really but the person has given the reaso that she wants to give for not going)

If you want your family around you get married here, then go abroad for your honeymoon. It's simply a question of what you value more. For me, I'd want my honeymoon in a special place and the wedding to be with my family around me.

I wouldn’t leave my dog either & I definitely wouldn’t go if my OH wasn’t invited. TBH I would probably decline on the basis that it is overseas anyway, it’s a massive faff & very rarely that enjoyable or memorable. Just accept that she’s declined the reason is irrelevant

But what about surviving for a day without you so you can go to a family wedding?

That’s way too long to leave any dog alone

Ultimately it's up to the owner as they will know their dog best. Ours can't be left alone more than a couple of hours for medical reasons and I certainly wouldn't leave a dog all day on his own for a wedding.

This wedding can't be done in a day, it's abroad hence why the sister has said no.

My sister (eldest of 4) got married in their favourite holiday destination. None of the other 3 went for a combination of reasons.

I worked in a school and wedding was during term time. Dates were also in the middle of exam time and my eldest was sitting them.
Financially , it would have meant no family holiday if I had gone.

Other siblings had own (some similar!) reasons not to go.

Mum went, and had a great time.

I would have travelled to go to a celebratory party in the UK, if invited to one.

book YOUR wedding to suit YOU, that's your prerogative, but if it doesn't suit the guests you invite then unfortunately they may not be able or want to attend.

Excellent suggestion.

OP, if this family member is that close and they have said no immediately, that kind of tells you something, surely? You may want her there, but straight away she doesn’t. It could well be down to the dog, finances, fear of flying, partner not accompanying; essentially 101 reasons. Read into that.

I have a cat we adopted on the basis it couldn't be left alone all day. It's got better. However, there are only four people in this world it trusts enough to feed it or be near it. One is DS, us, and luckily our lovely vet. We had a night away last year when DS came and cat-sat. One night.

We haven't been away since we got the cat other than that. Hopefully as she gets older we can use catteries or find someone she trusts etc. It's entirely reasonable to not be able to attend things that would be more than a single night away or abroad due to commitments like that. If it were an elderly or sick relative you wouldn't question it at all but suddenly people are expected to drop pets.

Firstly I think asking a family member to come to a destination wedding without their partner is very rude, and secondly not everyone has the means or desire to travel, the dog may just be a convenient excuse because flights plus hotel is expensive

depends on the dog

This.

That’s not what I meant. What about arranging a network of contacts/carers so you can attend a wedding or any event for a day? This was in response to a poster who can never leave his/her dog at all.

My comment wasn’t aimed at the OP. It’s just that I’d find it really claustrophobic if I literally cannot leave my dog in the care of others for even a short while

I wouldn't go and leave my dog with just anyone and I certainly wouldn't want him stuck in the house all day. So I would have declined also.

That's OK, no one is asking you to. It's unreasonable to expect other people to leave their dogs whilst they go abroad if they don't want to. If you do, that's great. Other situations are different. As I said, our dog has medical issues so we are super selected about who looks after him for his and their sake.

That’s a pretty lame excuse so I’m assuming she just made it up to save your feelings. I mean the dog could be dead in two years time! Maybe she doesn’t like travelling abroad, is worried about the cost, or just finds weddings unbelievably tedious and simply doesn’t want to go.

I could never be arsed with a wedding abroad unless it was for my children. I'd rather spend the money on a nice little family holiday somewhere where we wanted to go. As soon as you start booking weddings abroad you are usually going to have people not wanting to travel to them. I think it's perfectly reasonable to get married abroad if you want, and it is also perfectly reasonable for guests to decline. Stop judging her and crack on.

It's totally pointless - you will need to do an english legal ceremony