DD says my snoring keeps her up at night but DH and DS say they can’t hear me

[ML5]

Hi everyone just very confused right now. DD says my snoring keeps her up at night and she can’t sleep yet DH/DS say they can’t hear me so I am very confused by this. Yes I do snore but if it’s keeping DD up then surely it would affect DH/DS as well.
DH & me sleep separately (but not because of the snoring) DS & DD have their own rooms.
I sleep downstairs bedroom so this has confused me a lot.

Sounds like you need DD to grow up & move out.

I hope you can resolve your snoring issue.

Never. I tried pointing that out to DH once and I genuinely don’t think he got it.

Please don't blame screen time it's a red herring.

From my unscientific research, I find that the majority of people snore, so the angelic silent sleepers should get earplugs and suck it up!

Well that is not what you posted about. You clearly have a poor relationship with your daughter. Is that what you actually want help with? Because it won't improve with the attitude you are displayed here.

I have stuck up for OP and my DH snores. He could also sleep through the house being bombed and if it did wake him, he’d be back asleep with 5 minutes. Maybe I’m a snorer but it never wakes DH so I wouldn’t know. I’ve also got a young child so I’m thoroughly sleep deprived too.

There comes a point when you have to realise you’re a light sleeper. OP’s daughter has already moved rooms because of someone’s snoring and is now texting and calling her mother at 2/3am. She needs to buy some ear plugs. Also if you want people to be courteous of you when you’re sleeping, they need to be courteous to you. OP’s daughter is 21, she’s an adult, she can realise it’s not conducive waking people up to shout at them. The better thing is to address it when you are both already awake, so probably early evening.

You clearly haven't had to endure heavy snoring from someone next to you. It has nothing to do with being angelic.

I appreciate that a lot of snorers can't help it. It is the selfish and defensive "suck it up" attitude and lack of trying to find ways to reduce or stop snoring that angers other people.

DH can't help snoring, but he has a CPAP machine, so all is good.

The better thing is to address it when you are both already awake, so probably early evening.

If OP's attitude in real life is anything like it is on this thread, her DD probably knows that a sensible conversation is a waste of time and energy.

As it has already been explained to you, different noises bother different people in different ways we all have different ranges, et cetera

My dad was a loud snorer, a bit of a sonic boom, and occasionally kept me awake but not often, my mum sometimes snored and when she did it definitely kept me awake, aren't you? It wasn't as loud as my dad, but it was a different pitch and that just kept me awake.

Stop saying 'she's wrong it can't be me. I sleep downstairs. My door is shut'

unless for some reason, you are accusing her of stirring up Trouble, then accept you are keeping her awake and take whatever action you are prepared to, to stop it. There are a few new very soft mouthguard being advertised to stop snoring that look very soft light and comfortable it might be worth trying one of those.

It doesn't make any difference what time she goes to sleep or what she does before she goes to sleep if it's your snoring that's keeping her awake when she wants to sleep that's the issue.

Either deal with the issue or tell her tough, it might be time to move out. Your choice.

If I was woken up by my adult daughter, who wasn’t working and therefore presumably living in my house rent free, at 2/3am I wouldn’t necessarily have a good attitude either. Especially when apparently the daughter’s sleep deprivation is an excuse for all her shitty behaviour but I wasn’t allowed to be a bit off due to my own sleep deprivation.

So the daughter has managed to swap rooms with her dad so she has the biggest room in the house because people were disturbing her sleep. She now has the biggest room in the house but people are still disturbing her sleep. So it’s ok for to text and call people in the middle of the night because she’s so terribly sleep deprived. Sod the people in the house who are working.

I don't think anyone on here has said it's okay for her to text and call in the middle of the night, have they? Besides, OP can always put her phone on silent if she doesn't want to be woken up by it.

I actually think there are two issues here - OP's snoring and her apparent unwillingness to do anything about it, and her daughters' behaviour, which is clearly an ongoing issue. It doesn't sound like they have a good relationship regardless of the rights/wrongs of the snoring.

I can very much hear my DH snoring from downstairs, but as pp have said download a sleep recorder app and see how bad you are.

I could hear my ex from downstairs easily and even the neighbours could hear him through the wall! He was later diagnosed with sleep apnea.

In my experience, snorers absolutely hate being faced with their snoring, so often won't record themselves or be recorded. I offered to record my ex but he refused.

My phone is on silent with notifications turned off however she is calling the house phone as well. Also she’s actually shouting I am messaging/phoning you.
Yes I should do something about my snoring however she’s far from selfish herself and I have past 3 days downloaded a snore app which shows my snoring is very low.

And standing top of stairs waiting to see if I snore is odd behaviour from her as well. Yes sound travels and yes I may snore but DH snores too but if that makes me selfish then that’s fine but DD21 behaviour here is outrageous phoning (mobiles/house phone) /messaging/shouting/standing on stairs

FFS. Why are you even questioning this. Tell DD that there is a whole wide world of places where she won’t hear snoring at night. If she stays at yours she gets to hear it. You are working and paying the bills. You’ll snore to your heart’s content in the house you pay for.

I’m guessing there’s a lot more to this story 🤨

Tell her Boots wax earplugs are really good and cost around £2.25.

Also tell her to stop with the histrionics.

You sound SUCH a delightful family!!! 🥰

She's far from selfish? That's good, isn't it?

You’re not listening to a word anyone says, are you? Why did you bother posting?
Your house sounds like a toxic and unpleasant place to live, for everyone. Do you have any plans to deal with the issues, or are you just going to keep posting that your snoring isn’t that bad and your daughter is x, y and z?

Look snoring penetrates upwards easier than sideways. Your DD’s behaviour is that if a seriously sleep deprived person. My DH snores badly and for years we refused to sleep in separate bedrooms. I would go to bed at 8pm so at least I could catch a few hours of sleep before he came to bed at 11pm. Then I’d be up the rest of the night. Ofc getting on a screen was the only way to not put a pillow over his face. You can lie there seething and unable to sleep for only so many nights before you give up and decide you can only sleep when they are not sleeping. So out come the screens.

There is nothing to be ‘confused’ about. Both you and DH snore badly and you both need to do something so that your DD can slowly right her sleep schedule.

You both need to be tested for sleep apnea. You need to put in soundproofing, switch rooms about etc

Why are so many snorers in denial about their impact on other household members?

Set some boundaries. She must her behaviour out by not shouting or calling phones otherwise she gets a months notice to leave. Remind her she’s an adult now so she has to take responsibility. She can either invest in good ear phones or find alternative accommodation.

Sorry but I disagree that it’s not ok for dd to ring you in the night. You are keeping her awake so why should she not wake you up. Why do you deserve sleep not her? She may have gotten into a bad habit going to bed so late because maybe it’s a consequence of being woken up for years? Ask me how I know!!!

This. Why people think it’s ok for an adult to behave in the way the op has described of her DD is beyond me. Even if the op snored like a train texting , shouting and calling the house phone in the middle of the night to potentially wake everyone is not appropriate.