DD says my snoring keeps her up at night but DH and DS say they can’t hear me

[ML5]

Hi everyone just very confused right now. DD says my snoring keeps her up at night and she can’t sleep yet DH/DS say they can’t hear me so I am very confused by this. Yes I do snore but if it’s keeping DD up then surely it would affect DH/DS as well.
DH & me sleep separately (but not because of the snoring) DS & DD have their own rooms.
I sleep downstairs bedroom so this has confused me a lot.

I admit I do snore but I will not say it makes me selfish considering DD stays up until 2/3 every morning, doesn’t work and shouts the house down phoning/messaging only me when equally it could be DH as well. I am not playing the snoring victim i do know I have a snoring issue but for DD at 21 to react in this way most nights is very annoying when I have to be up 630 for work while she then sleeps in

It doesn't really matter who it is. Your DD needs either wear earplugs or play white noise.

Of course, long term you can see a Dr or sleep specialist but in the meantime what does she think she'll achieve by calling you. It's not exactly something you can turn on and off.

Your DD sounds disrespectful. No way I'd have my kids telling me off

My sons alarm wakes me up every day but he sleeps through it on the pillow next to him.

Waiting for the AIBU from the neighbours

Perhaps call her bluff and if you can, stay awake one night so that if she has a go at you for snoring, you will know it is not you!
Perhaps also chat with her about her plans to get a job, move out, go to bed earlier so that she 1, won't disturb those of you that do work and 2, can get away from your snoring!

It’s not your snoring that’s selfish, it’s your attitude that makes you selfish.

Go to the doctor and at least show your DD that you’re trying to do something about it. There’s something really, really grating about a snorer who says “well, it’s not my fault” without any regard for how much it impacts everyone else.

So you’re not confused then and understand perfectly well how your daughter can hear you snoring

Record yourself on a sleep app and ask your husband too as well. You'll soon find out which sound dd hears.

I sympathise with her. I cannot stand the sound of anyone snoring. Thankfully I never have.

You have drop fed your post which is actually about a strained relationship with your daughter who you consider selfish for complaining about your snoring, which you haven't done anything about. And poor communication skills within your family. I genuinely don't know what you want people to advise? Do you want to be vindicated as being without fault? This is not healthy, you need to sort things with your daughter.

Some people are lighter sleepers than others. Instead of attempting to deflect blame from yourself, why not try and figure out a way to improve the issue? Being kept awake by someone else snoring is hideous. What have you and your husband done to try and lessen the snoring?

How do they know if you stop breathing if they haven’t checked and tested you? I’d be pushing for better care from your doctor.

And OP, please believe your daughter.

OMGoodness I do believe my DD but have said DH snores badly as well so I was confused as to how DD only thought it was me but now I know it’s how sound travels and how selfish I am I will address my snoring issue WITH DRS. But as I said DD21 does not work, sleeps in till 12/1 afternoon after going to actual bed 2/3 (not to do with anyone snoring as she’s on FaceTime/xbox till that time), shouts, phones/messages so in a way isn’t that selfish towards us when we are up 630 every morning?

Yes of course it’s selfish, but it’s a separate issue. Have you done anything to address the issue of her being noisy all night and not working?

Why doesn't your DD worked @ML5 ?

I am the poster who said noise travels in a straight line.

i am also the poster (amongst many others) who explained the long term effect of brain fatigue which means your DD has stored some memories of the past noise which means op needs to address her snoring otherwise even a slight trigger, will send her off. It’s horrendous. Staying up late could also be a subconscious reaction to dreading to go to sleep knowing what is likely to happen. The relationship is very strained indeed!

I knew someone who snored when they had wine in evening. So they switched to gin. Any dietary changes you can start with?

It is selfish, but it’s something that needs to be addressed separately (or something that should have been addressed a long time ago).

@ML5 massive squishes for the situation and grief you are getting.

in our home it has often been those in floors above or below that we hear more with regards noise/snoring just due to how sound travels.

that said - I’d start a new thread about your daughters attitude and what to do instead about her. Not working or contributing to the home and being so rude - nope. They need to get a job (which should encourage ‘normal hours of sleep’) or look at moving out/house share etc.

Id also suggest you and husband get health assessments if heavy snorers just to make sure you are both ok. I used to snore quite badly especially if I slept on my back. I’ve lost 4.5 stone since last year and now sleep in my side and very rarely will I snore now and my sleep quality is much better.

It’s very lovely of you to be concerned for me. I’m glad to reassure you that I sleep exceptionally well and wake up refreshed. DH who sleeps beside me can also report that my breathing is regular and there are no pauses while I hold my breath. No concerns there.

im very happy to push for additional support for anyone including a doctor when it is necessary but I don’t think we do ourselves any favours pushing for more ‘tests’ when it’s so clear that they are unnecessary. If I had any concerns then I would of course ask.

since I sleep well, asking for medical confirmation of what I already know is not a good use of resources, especially when the resources are so urgently required elsewhere.

I love our NHS being free at the point of delivery and am strongly of the opinion that it brings with it a responsibility to not ask unnecessarily.

OP - snoring aside - you have a DD problem which needs to be addressed. It is not appropriate for her to be messaging/calling/blaming you for snoring.

Wow there are clearly some very defensive snorers on this thread. Being kept awake by a heavy snorer is absolute torture, and it is selfish to not care about the impact on others. It needs to be checked out.

Being disrespectful, staying up late, etc, is an entirely separate issue that also needs to be addressed.

I'm guessing you snore 😅

I agree with @Sakura7

IMO everyone sticking up for the OP has never experienced the rage induced by lack of sleep due to someone else snoring.

DH got so fed up of me kicking him every time he snored and stopped breathing that he went to the GP. His stroke was caused by sleep apnoea, and his sleep apnoea has become a lot worse since his stroke. The consultant at the sleep cliniic said it was the worst case of sleep anpnoea he had seen with 50 non breathing episodes an hour.

The CPAP machine has been a game changer.

In DH's case it is neurological and not due to excess weight (he is as thin as a lat).

After reading the OP's further updates about her DD it looks like both have been as bad as each other. In fact, the whole family set up sounds so dysfunctional with only the OP working.

I wonder if there is a drip feed to come?

Sort your family life out, then? 🤷‍♀️

Years ago I was stuck in a travel lodge with my ex who was a heavy snorer. It was so bad I took my coat and slept in the shower area (I'm short).

Only afterwards it occurred that I should have asked and paid for another room.

Being around a snorer is pure hell. And he was bloody angry that I'd gone into the bathroom! Totally defensive.

Being around a snorer is pure hell. And he was bloody angry that I'd gone into the bathroom! Totally defensive.

Using logic here, you would have thought that the anger a snorer feels when they get woken up by their bed companion is the same as the anger one feels when woken up by someone's snoring.

But snorers don't see it that way do they?