Page 33 | 14 year old not invited to stepsister’s wedding

Ombreofmyself · 2025-04-18T14:03:01+00:00

Stepdaughter is getting married. My husband is paying for everything but dress and flowers. Our six year old and nine year old are in the wedding, but that’s another story. They are half sisters to the bride. My 14 year old, step sister to the bride isn’t invited. Made husband clarify with her. Stepdaughter confirmed so I am not going. Husband is upset but seems completely incapable of thinking rationally and insisting on her coming but then says why can’t she go to her Dad’s. He should insist as he is paying.

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:03

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 00:59

Perhaps my DH is just considerate of my feelings. Most families only invite people into their home that everyone is comfortable with!

I certainly wouldn't be making my DD feel lesser by inviting this person who has treated her shabbily into her home. If the OP doesn't stand up for her DD here, who is going to?

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He’s not going to prioritize OP’s feelings above those of his daughter. That is very apparent.

OP doesn’t have to invite her, all she needs is her father to. He will.

I have no idea who is or isn’t going to ‘stand up for’ her daughter. If she wants to she can, but there are limits to what she can actually do if she intends to stay married to him.

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 19/04/2025 01:03

TheHerboriste · 19/04/2025 00:48

How absolutely and utterly clueless.

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Its clueless to think that children of 'blended' families have to accept being blended. The parents can only make a choice for themselves.

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:05

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:02

It's not ever going to happen to me because DH and I have been together for 40 years and have three adult DC together, and there will be no partners because if DH left me tomorrow, I wouldn't be arsed with another one!

OP's DH is at liberty to see his DD in her home, or elsewhere. If I were the OP, I wouldn't be making my own DD feel uncomfortable by having this woman in my house, period.

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He’s at liberty to see her in his. Not wanting to acknowledge this is true because it doesn’t suit your sense of justice doesn’t negate the fact that it is indeed true.

She can excuse herself and her daughter if she wants to, but she can’t ban her from her father’s home.

CandidRobin · 19/04/2025 01:05

Basically OP's husband had a child with his first wife, OP has a child with her former partner. They both separated/divorced. Fair enough, they're adults.
They met each other. Both had children already so had achieved the apparent human right to be a parent.
Both then chose to have children together, both adults. No-one questioned their right to do so (maybe there was a Mumsnet contraception fail x2 in spite of contraception being used exactly as it should be), but no-one asked the existing children what their wishes were.
The family then becomes blended and every single extended relative should now fully accept every person in the blended household as 'family' because that particular family unit say so.
If they don't, they face the wrath of the Internet who seek to impose their life choices on others.
I hope the Bride has a wonderful wedding day and very happy marriage. If not, i hope she doesn't have multiple children with different men and try to coerce them into viewing each other as family even when they don't feel that way. I doubt she will because of her own experience. Most of all, I hope her father remembers he was her father first and she is not equal to his step daughter.

Pallisers · 19/04/2025 01:07

For the bride the 14 old is only the child of the woman married to her father. She does not consider her family and probably doesn't consider the OP family either. She doesn't have to. It sounds like she doesn't have any ill will but nor does she feel particular warmth to wards them. She does not have to. She does not have prioritise the 14 year olds feelings on her wedding day nor does she have to prioritise the feeling of her father's wife.

The 14 year old is not only the child of the woman married to her father. She is also the sister of the bride's sisters. They share 2 siblings in common. They will be at family events involving these 2 sisters probably long after the OP and her husband are gone. The bride has known this kid since the child was 4 years old. She has been on holidays with her. She has, presumably, been at birthday parties etc. with her for their mutual siblings. This isn't a random adult step child met in later life.

If it were an adult child of dad's wife living independently - of course different. But it isn't. It is a 14 year old child living in the home with the four people who have been invited and who is related to the bride's sisters - how absolutely rude to cut her out. The bride clearly doesn't have to prioritise anyone's feelings on her wedding day. But she is one hard woman if she is happy for her dad who is paying for her wedding to be without his wife on the day because she is too mean spirited to invite a step sister. Good luck to the groom.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/04/2025 01:07

CandidRobin · 19/04/2025 01:05

Basically OP's husband had a child with his first wife, OP has a child with her former partner. They both separated/divorced. Fair enough, they're adults.
They met each other. Both had children already so had achieved the apparent human right to be a parent.
Both then chose to have children together, both adults. No-one questioned their right to do so (maybe there was a Mumsnet contraception fail x2 in spite of contraception being used exactly as it should be), but no-one asked the existing children what their wishes were.
The family then becomes blended and every single extended relative should now fully accept every person in the blended household as 'family' because that particular family unit say so.
If they don't, they face the wrath of the Internet who seek to impose their life choices on others.
I hope the Bride has a wonderful wedding day and very happy marriage. If not, i hope she doesn't have multiple children with different men and try to coerce them into viewing each other as family even when they don't feel that way. I doubt she will because of her own experience. Most of all, I hope her father remembers he was her father first and she is not equal to his step daughter.

Although I am not without sympathy for the OP, ultimately this is exactly what I think.

ohdearagain2 · 19/04/2025 01:08

I can see why it would be nice to invite your 14 year old - but it does seem as if your step daughter never lived with her so I am guessing they are not close to each other

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:09

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 19/04/2025 01:00

Where is the ageism? Outdated concepts of obligation aren't the preserve of the elderly.

The OP needs to hand this matter diplomatically with her daughter.

The bride doesn't have invite the 14 year old. The 14 year old is not part of her family and is old enough to understand that it is not personal.

The OP has made the brides wedding all about her daughter, even thought she has acknowledge that the 14 year old has no relationship with the bride.

As others have said it speaks volumes that the OP has not challenged the malicious things said on this thread about the bride. It would been possible for the OP to respect the bride as a decent human being but disagree with the decision she has made about inviting the 14 year old. That has not happened and it speaks volumes about the OP. As does her expectation that the bridge invite other people with whom the bride has no relationship.

You accused me of "living in the dark ages" - that's ageist.

Decency and manners will never be outdated for those of us who value them.

Can you point out where the OP said that her 14 year old has "no relationship" with the bride? The bride should have handled this diplomatically with her father. She is putting her father who is funding the event at odds with his wife, and his stepchild. What cost to her to include the child as a matter of courtesy? The fact that she is digging her heels in absolutely underlines that this is personal and vindictive.

Plenty of us have invited wedding guests that we wouldn't have otherwise because it's 'politically' expedient. I can't imagine being nasty enough to exclude a child while the rest of her family are being invited, and her younger siblings are in the bridal party. It's horrible. Would you like your child to be treated like that??

Don't kid yourself!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:11

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:03

He’s not going to prioritize OP’s feelings above those of his daughter. That is very apparent.

OP doesn’t have to invite her, all she needs is her father to. He will.

I have no idea who is or isn’t going to ‘stand up for’ her daughter. If she wants to she can, but there are limits to what she can actually do if she intends to stay married to him.

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This would be a hill to die on, for me.

I can't begin to imagine how hurt that young girl is going to be.

It's unforgiveable.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:12

CandidRobin · 19/04/2025 01:05

Basically OP's husband had a child with his first wife, OP has a child with her former partner. They both separated/divorced. Fair enough, they're adults.
They met each other. Both had children already so had achieved the apparent human right to be a parent.
Both then chose to have children together, both adults. No-one questioned their right to do so (maybe there was a Mumsnet contraception fail x2 in spite of contraception being used exactly as it should be), but no-one asked the existing children what their wishes were.
The family then becomes blended and every single extended relative should now fully accept every person in the blended household as 'family' because that particular family unit say so.
If they don't, they face the wrath of the Internet who seek to impose their life choices on others.
I hope the Bride has a wonderful wedding day and very happy marriage. If not, i hope she doesn't have multiple children with different men and try to coerce them into viewing each other as family even when they don't feel that way. I doubt she will because of her own experience. Most of all, I hope her father remembers he was her father first and she is not equal to his step daughter.

His stepdaughter doesn't have to be "equal" to have her feelings taken into account.

When the DH committed to his wife, he committed to his stepdaughter too.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:14

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:05

He’s at liberty to see her in his. Not wanting to acknowledge this is true because it doesn’t suit your sense of justice doesn’t negate the fact that it is indeed true.

She can excuse herself and her daughter if she wants to, but she can’t ban her from her father’s home.

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You think?

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:16

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:11

This would be a hill to die on, for me.

I can't begin to imagine how hurt that young girl is going to be.

It's unforgiveable.

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Welp, perhaps OP can head to that hill whilst her stepdaughter is visiting her father at his home.

it doesn’t sound like she does want to die on that hill though, even if you would.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:18

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:16

Welp, perhaps OP can head to that hill whilst her stepdaughter is visiting her father at his home.

it doesn’t sound like she does want to die on that hill though, even if you would.

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You don't know what she wants to do. You're projecting.

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:19

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:14

You think?

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No. Having previous experience of working on divorce cases where one party wants to ban the other from having certain guests over at a property they jointly own, I know.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/04/2025 01:19

Herboriste, by that token, so would a 14 year old cope with not attending a single wedding.

I could never turn my back on my child in favour of someone else's. I can't even imagine doing that to them. Even if they uninvited me! I would still pay if that is what I had promised to do and that was what they were relying on.

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:20

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:18

You don't know what she wants to do. You're projecting.

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I’m not claiming to know. I said it doesn’t sound like she does, which it doesn’t.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:27

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:19

No. Having previous experience of working on divorce cases where one party wants to ban the other from having certain guests over at a property they jointly own, I know.

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Oh bully for you, you "know" lol!

This couple isn't getting divorced... yet!! If there was someone whom I didn't wish to welcome into our home or someone DH didn't wish to welcome into our home, we would each respect each other's wishes. I guess that's why we are still married.

Hey you are hellbent on defending a bridezilla from treating a 14 year old poorly who at the very least is a sister of her sisters, so knock yourself out.

I'm Team 14 year old. I think it's utterly disgusting.

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:36

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:27

Oh bully for you, you "know" lol!

This couple isn't getting divorced... yet!! If there was someone whom I didn't wish to welcome into our home or someone DH didn't wish to welcome into our home, we would each respect each other's wishes. I guess that's why we are still married.

Hey you are hellbent on defending a bridezilla from treating a 14 year old poorly who at the very least is a sister of her sisters, so knock yourself out.

I'm Team 14 year old. I think it's utterly disgusting.

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I do indeed.

Despite OP being upset, her husband won’t insist his daughter invite OP’s daughter, pull funding for the wedding, or prevent his younger children from going to it . He’s not going to ban her from being in his home, or prevent her from seeing her sisters. Be serious now.

I really don’t care who the bride invites or not.

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 19/04/2025 01:37

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:09

You accused me of "living in the dark ages" - that's ageist.

Decency and manners will never be outdated for those of us who value them.

Can you point out where the OP said that her 14 year old has "no relationship" with the bride? The bride should have handled this diplomatically with her father. She is putting her father who is funding the event at odds with his wife, and his stepchild. What cost to her to include the child as a matter of courtesy? The fact that she is digging her heels in absolutely underlines that this is personal and vindictive.

Plenty of us have invited wedding guests that we wouldn't have otherwise because it's 'politically' expedient. I can't imagine being nasty enough to exclude a child while the rest of her family are being invited, and her younger siblings are in the bridal party. It's horrible. Would you like your child to be treated like that??

Don't kid yourself!

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Living in the dark ages is an expression. It is not ageist.

Plenty of us have invited wedding guests that we wouldn't have otherwise because it's 'politically' expedient.
Fuck political expediency on a wedding day.

Can you point out where the OP said that her 14 year old has "no relationship" with the bride?
Op wrote: She is perfectly pleasant but never goes beyond pleasant.

It's a pragmatic decision given their lack of closeness. The 14 year old will be disappointed but she will get over it, if it is handled well.

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 19/04/2025 01:38

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 19/04/2025 01:11

This would be a hill to die on, for me.

I can't begin to imagine how hurt that young girl is going to be.

It's unforgiveable.

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I feel sorry for the hill.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/04/2025 01:40

WhoMeMissYesYouMiss · 19/04/2025 01:37

Living in the dark ages is an expression. It is not ageist.

Plenty of us have invited wedding guests that we wouldn't have otherwise because it's 'politically' expedient.
Fuck political expediency on a wedding day.

Can you point out where the OP said that her 14 year old has "no relationship" with the bride?
Op wrote: She is perfectly pleasant but never goes beyond pleasant.

It's a pragmatic decision given their lack of closeness. The 14 year old will be disappointed but she will get over it, if it is handled well.

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Personally, I don't think I would have excluded her. But I understand B2B's decision. Life is too short to have people you don't want at your wedding, at your wedding.

PremiumD · 19/04/2025 01:41

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nomas · 19/04/2025 01:47

InterIgnis · 19/04/2025 01:36

I do indeed.

Despite OP being upset, her husband won’t insist his daughter invite OP’s daughter, pull funding for the wedding, or prevent his younger children from going to it . He’s not going to ban her from being in his home, or prevent her from seeing her sisters. Be serious now.

I really don’t care who the bride invites or not.

Edited

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This man has ‘aged overnight’ because of his wife’s refusal to fall in line and attend his daughter’s wedding.

OP absolutely does have power here and DSD will find that out soon enough.

The DSD will not be able to have a meaningful relationship with her half -sisters without OP facilitating it.

NiceoneSonny · 19/04/2025 01:48

Can you point out where the OP said that her 14 year old has "no relationship" with the bride?
Op wrote: She is perfectly pleasant but never goes beyond pleasant.

Careful now, don't conflate the SD's cold attitude towards the 14 year old with the 14 year old's attitude towards the SD. It's the SD who never goes beyond pleasant. The 14 year old may well have a completely different attitude towards her step sister, and her feelings are equally valid.

nomas · 19/04/2025 01:48

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 19/04/2025 01:40

Personally, I don't think I would have excluded her. But I understand B2B's decision. Life is too short to have people you don't want at your wedding, at your wedding.

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And for OP, life will now be too short to have DSD in her life.