14 year old not invited to stepsister’s wedding

[Ombreofmyself]

Stepdaughter is getting married. My husband is paying for everything but dress and flowers.

Our six year old and nine year old are in the wedding, but that’s another story. They are half sisters to the bride.

My 14 year old, step sister to the bride isn’t invited.

Made husband clarify with her. Stepdaughter confirmed so I am not going.

Husband is upset but seems completely incapable of thinking rationally and insisting on her coming but then says why can’t she go to her Dad’s. He should insist as he is paying.

I have a stepsister 10 years younger than me and I adore her just as much as I do my half siblings. I never call them step or half, they are all just my sisters and brothers. I think it’s cruel to treat your DD like this.

All of this.

Just seen your update OP, I think he should give it a few days and bring it up with her. He should explain that while yes technically your DD and her are not related, you, your DD, your DD’s siblings see each other and SD as family so excluding your DD is incredibly hurtful to him, you and your DD.

It might be because she met your DD when she was a teenager, that she isn’t thinking about the impact. In her head she’s thinking it doesn’t matter as she might not be bothered if your DD was not to invite her to her wedding when she’s older. But she’s not putting herself in your DD shoes.

See how her reaction is and if she still says no I think he should tell her how disappointed he is with her leaving out a 14 year old whose siblings and mother have been invited to a family event

i think youre quite right to not go. Id take her away somewhere on that weekend.

I really dont get why so many people are so precious about their wedding day that they like to put a bomb under family relationships.

Very bad decision on her part. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this.

Wow this is so cruel of her. I hope you never speak to her again or have anything to do with her. I do think your dh should have demanded her be there if he paid. This isn’t some far flung relative that he is standing up for, it’s his stepchild who he lives with. What an awful human being she is, how dare she does such a thing. She is creating such a big problem in your home and marriage. This is exactly why I would never ever treat another child as my own or live or give an inch to any stepchild - they can turn around and do this and there will be nothing you could do. she’s cruel and many people at the wedding will wonder about the absence too. She has basically told you to go F yourself op.

I can’t believe (as I type) 13% of voters think YABU. This is one of the most obvious YANBU I’ve seen in 15 years of MN’ing. Stick to your guns OP, and is [D?]SD doesn’t see sense have a lovely weekend away with your DD, heard as it will be.

This post explains the situation more than I've had time to read. The brides father should take his daughter in hand & let her know his wife & her daughter are now part of our blended family. I'm actually lost for words as to why he is letting his daughter off with this behaviour.

I’d be miffed. And although it’s his money, I’d still see it as family money. Will he have enough to pay for weddings for your two daughters that you have together, and to support them through uni, as well as support you both in retirement?

I’d end the relationship over this.

How did it even come up she wasn’t invited? I don’t understand.

Why doesn’t he go back and say something like, you really need to invite her or she will be incredibly upset. I’m paying for this so I’m not asking you to spend money on her meal. So what difference does it make if she comes? As your dad Id like to invite her as my step daughter and your sister. She’s not a work colleague or even a family friend.

How can she possibly say no?!

Cashing ISAs for a wedding is a monumentally bad idea.

This is the ultimate plan! Yes do this!

Again, I'm almost all about conciliatory behaviour. I can't understand why this man is allowing his daughter to treat his new wife & daughter like this. It's either through guilt or things we haven't heard about. I hope it all works out.

I think I would book a fabulous week away for myself and DD somewhere she would love, and then tell her I had mistakenly booked it clashing with DSD wedding.

That way DD won’t know her step sister is a nasty cunt and her step father not much better. She can be told the truth when she’s older. I wouldn’t want my DD dealing with all the upset this disgraceful behaviour has caused.

Your DH needs to tell his daughter she’s bang out of order,he sounds like a complete wet lettuce .the daughter getting mairred sounds like a spiteful bitch .

I did not expect her to be a bridesmaid.

I think the bride and groom (who presumably will have seen the guest list) are both being incredibly cruel and really bloody rude. My DH has two step brothers and if he’d even thought about excluding them from our wedding on the basis that they weren’t related by blood, I’d have looked at him very differently.

She said they weren’t really related. When she was told I wouldn’t go without her she said my daughter obviously had another family. They’re related by marriage. By her logic, she’s not related to you, or any of the aunts or uncles that have married into her family, who also have other families. If her fiancé’s parents or siblings invite him somewhere, will she be happy to be excluded on the basis that she’s only related to them by marriage and she has her own family? Do they have any friends going? Has she excluded any random children belonging to her friends? Or is it just a member of her dad’s family she’s excluded?

Wild horses wouldn’t drag me to that wedding, even if she produced an invite for DD and she’d get nothing but icy politeness from me forever more. What’s the household budget like? Could you do a UK city break with her? Or possibly even a European one if you got a good price? Or a day trip for her and her best friend? Something to distract her and take her mind off it. And I think I’d try to tell her sooner rather than later. Don’t spring it on her at the last minute.

Lying causes more pain in the end. Be truthful, including with your younger children about why their mother and older sister won't be there.

Be there for them as they deal with their troubled feelings. It will be difficult. But better in the long term..

For what it's worth OP I have a half sister and she has a half brother I'm not related to and we never invited each other to our weddings. She had extra relatives I didn't have and it never occured to me to be upset about that. I wouldn't consider my sisters brother my family either. Are you sure your daughter will be upset?

Did you mean to put your daughters name here?

You have two things to do. Plan a weekend for your daughter and you. A deliciously expensive one. And its on your husband.

Your husband needs to tell your daughter that she's not invited to the wedding and to tell your other daughters as well. He needs to be honest with others why you and she are not there the day of the wedding. Did he tell his sister and niece in law why you won't be there? He needs to "give credit where credit is due"! He needs to be honest about the bridezilla in the room.

Agree with this. Her “blood family” are attending and step family aren’t.

What a nasty, spiteful woman. I wouldn't want to go. Wouldn't be allowing my younger dc to play a part in her silly games either. Book yourself a few days away with your dc and leave them all to it.