To think I’ve made a mistake telling a friend I’ve come into money?

[TheJoyousFox]

I recently came into money - not life-changing but a decent amount. I mentioned it to a friend in passing and ever since, I feel her attitude toward me has shifted. She’s started making comments about how “lucky” I am, hinting at how tough things are for her financially and even joking about me covering things when we go out.

I didn’t expect this to be a big deal but now I’m wondering if I should have kept it to myself. AIBU to think I made a mistake bringing it up? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

Never tell people about money. They somehow feel entitled to it.

Yes I think you've made a mistake I'm afraid.

I'd be tempted to tell her you've had a huge unexpected expense/tax bill/house repair and that you've spent the majority of it!

You shouldn't have told her. She's jealous and now wants you to pay for everything. Tell her you have invested it and that you can't touch it because soon she will ask for a loan for sth.

Oh god I don’t talk about money with anyone in real life!!

If I came into money I wouldn't tell a soul. Money brings out the worst in most people unfortunately.

Yeah I wouldn’t talk about that with others but I can’t see why she would make a big deal out of it if it’s not life changing. How much was it?

Yes and not mentioned it, why did you?

At least it's revealed her true colours to you. All my close friends knew about my inheritance because I was spending it on something bloody obvious, not a single change in demeanour or interaction. It shouldn't have affected a thing if she was a true friend.

This is my experience. My friends have never been like that person. This says more about them than you.

I’d rather not say exactly - it wasn’t millions or anything dramatic but enough that it’s shifted how she seems to relate to me. I wasn’t expecting it to be a thing but the tone of her comments has changed and it’s made me second-guess even mentioning it in the first place.

You haven’t made a mistake - here in England the biggest taboo is talking about money, it’s so strange. However. Your pal has a case of green eyed monster. She will keep saying you are lucky etc trying to make you feel guilty. Personally, I would just avoid them for a while. Should she mention it in future when see her etc just change subject. If she doesn’t get hint…then work out if this is a barrier. Money can change how people view you - whether or not you have changed.

Honestly? I didn’t think it was a big deal. It came up naturally in conversation - not in a braggy way, more like mentioning a life update. I’ve never been weird about money with friends, so I didn’t expect it to land awkwardly. But now I’m realising that even a small shift in circumstance can make things feel a bit off, even when you’re just trying to be open.

If the friendship matters then you need to find a way to somehow back track. If you have a mortgage or substantial debts just tell her you've used the money on that. If there's something that would make the money go away metaphorically and put you back in the same boat as before, then even if she doesn't fully believe you it makes you appear no longer rolling in it and may reverse some if the resentment (or whatever it is) that telling her about it has changed for her. Just learn from the experience. Money changes friendships and people who say it doesn't are lying. When I told someone I thought I could trust that I'd come into money they started not returning things I lent because in their mind I didn't need it anymore and could afford to replace them and even started outright stealing then telling me I must have misplaced things.

Did you tell her the amount? If so, then I think it was over sharing and likely the relationship will be strained.

If you didn't say the amount, just say £5k doesn't go that far😉

This:

I've read lots of threads on various forums by lottery winners who advise to keep it as quiet as you possibly can because other people seem to think they're entitled to it.

The main reason given being that it was good fortune/luck rather than through work so people think you should share that.

I know you said the amount isn't life-changing but people seem to think that windfalls even if through something tragic like inheritance are still 'good fortune' so strangely think you should be benefitting others with that 'good fortune'

A few years back I got under 7k in a lump sum from paying tax that I shouldn't have. Years after I'd paid it.

I had several comments from friends at the time framed as 'jokey banter' like "wahoo, so you're treating us to our meal tonight?" "So..the drinks are on you?".

I didn’t share the exact figure - just mentioned it in passing because it felt relevant in the moment. But you’re right, even vague mentions can shift the tone of a friendship if money is a sensitive topic. I’m realising that what felt casual to me might have landed very differently for her. Next time I’ll go with the £5k line, it’s smooth and neutral!

I think next time she mentions it I would say, well once I get the roof fixed and (insert a few other boring repairs) its gone.

I've had a friend who was always envious, when we moved house to a bigger place I couldn't face further digs and we lost contact.

I am careful about what I say to people.

This has not happened to me but did to a close friend who inherited a sum from her late mother - in the tens of thousands, not more, as the proceeds from DM's house sale were divided between several siblings. In no time she had given two thirds of it to a friend who was in great need, then another very genuine friend suggested she become guarantor for some premises she wanted to rent. These were good people but in their heads they spent the money once they knew about it. My friend now has very little left and is extremely hard up.

If your money has come as part of an inheritance, the next time she makes a comment about you being lucky, you could give her the steely eyed stare and say you’d much rather have X person back alive than any money. That tends to shut up most folk.

I would never discuss money with anyone except my absolute best friend who is like a sister to me. Because I know it would never affect our friendship.

Well your friend is a bit of a numpty isn’t she? Why would she just give her money away like that.

Did u post this recently?

No

@arcticpandas we know who you are replying to, we can all read the op, it’s just 2 posts before yours.

Unfortunately, some 'friends' seem to think they are entitled to a share of money their friends come into.

I would just say "I have tied up and invested the entire amount for a few years"

That should shut her up trying to get any money out of you..

Because she is a lovely, loving, caring person who saw her friend in an absolutely dire situation and helped her out of it when there was no other way.