To think I’ve made a mistake telling a friend I’ve come into money?

[TheJoyousFox]

I recently came into money - not life-changing but a decent amount. I mentioned it to a friend in passing and ever since, I feel her attitude toward me has shifted. She’s started making comments about how “lucky” I am, hinting at how tough things are for her financially and even joking about me covering things when we go out.

I didn’t expect this to be a big deal but now I’m wondering if I should have kept it to myself. AIBU to think I made a mistake bringing it up? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

All these people saying call it 5k... 5 or 10k would be life-changing to me 🫣

But I'd never ask a friend for money or be as jealous as your friend. Not outwardly, anyway. Inwardly envious probably as I have absolutely no inheritance coming from with of my parents because they didn't prioritise a career...

So yeah, best not to ever mention to friends. Or anyone really

Oh God... I think I did this to a friend. I am the only one of 5/6 friends who is still paying a mortgage. I bought a house late in life and now can't afford our £100 (each) birthday lunches and have made a couple of comments to a friend who has a good job and has paid off her mortgage such as "now you're rolling in it" etc... She bought the house at 23yrs old. I am a bit resentful that I have to pay equal share of the restaurant bill when I have the least cash particularly when somebody adds a couple of bottles of something and says to the waiter "just put it on the bill" so we all have to pay. I am guilty of envy actually so I stopped going for lunch without explaining - sort of lost 5/6 friends because I feel like a poor numpty.

I'd never tell people about money. I'd worry (a tiny bit) that they'd expect me to treat them all the time. Mostly I'd worry they'd feel jealous and sad.
I remember when I was young I was soooo poor. Lived on plain pasta for a week once. I didn't have a penny to spare. I had one particular friend who was constantly lucking out. Always getting thousands of pounds from various places (building society pay out, bonus at work, aunt she'd never met who died and left her lots of money etc). I never wanted a penny of her money but it just made me feel really sad. I couldn't afford to eat properly and every time I saw her she'd got another £10,000 from somewhere. I would never want my friends to feel how I felt (the envy and sadness) so I'd keep quiet.

This happened to me and the so called friend then had a laugh when my car- that was new- broke down. She is a green eyed monster when it comes to money but is OK on other things. Never forgave her behaviour on this issue.

It does depend on the friend. When I came into a chunk of money my friends were pleased for me because I’d been utterly broke. However other people I know - who possibly think I’m better off than I am - seemed to think I should be helping them out.

But this is the sort of news you'd share with a friend. Honestly if someone resents you as quickly as this, then it's a cliche to say but: she was never really your friend

As @Comedycook suggested, tell her it’s gone. It would probably help if you said it was a mistake and had to be returned because any unexpected expense would just get the, “weren’t you lucky to have had that money to cover it” reaction.

Never utter a word about money outside your own 4 walls.
If changing the subject doesn’t work I’d say
” I have put money into long term investments” and ignore any further questions

People can be very entitled though. My cousin won 7m on the lottery in the very early days. He had married later in life and his wife had three adult children. He gave each of them a cheque for a substantial amount and one of them, upon receiving it made a comment about how he thought it a pretty mean amount. My cousin snatched the cheque back and tore it into little pieces.

Honeysuckle,I think it was a thread about someone that got 5grand and the CF friend wanted to borrow 2grand of it to fix a car .The overwhelming response was don't lend the money.
Sorry don't know how to post links to previous thread.

I have fallen out with friends / relatives who feel entitled to my money
I had a relative who is an artist. I spent a lot of money buying her artwork and attending her exhibitions
Last year she asked me to buy another of her artwork . I said that I wasn’t able to at that time . She accused me of not wanting to support her and ghosted me.
Money brings out the worst in people
I wouldn’t let anyone know if I inherited any money .

We had that many years ago. We had neighbours we were friends with, when we lived in semis. Both families moved house (we live close to them again in fact!) They moved to another semi, and we moved to a detached. Friendship dwindled out. People are weird!

What would her friend have done if your friend hadn't had an inheritance at the same time that she needed money?

Did your friend ever see any of it back?

Anyone who says "Just put it on the bill" is being very, very unfair.

Shame on you. You weren't bothered about their purse strings when they were paying a mortgage and contributing equally but now it's you you don't like it.

This makes me feel sad. I'm sure you didn't flaunt it, op, probably just wanted to share that you were pleased to be receiving a bit of money.

I do not 'get' people being jealous about such things. Don't we all know others who inherit or otherwise have a windfall, and many who are better off than us? If they are nice people it makes no difference, we can be glad for them and then get on with our own lives.

Also remember that there will always be people who are very much worse off than us. If we manage, we're fortunate. Having a lot of money doesn't stop anyone from having difficulties, they will all face crises at some point in life.

Best not to say too much in future (if it happens again :)).

Is this really a big deal?

You’ve came into a bit of money and a friend has said “Oh aren’t you lucky? You’ll be paying for lunch then!” Jokingly?

Are you sure you aren’t overthinking it?

I’d make it clear the money is tied up now (mortgage or child ISA or used to pay off loan) so she drops the hints.

A few years ago one of my friends came into some money. One of her friends had helped her out in the past with a few thing's. She told this friend about this, gave her some money and bought her something worth several hundred pounds.

A few years later the same friend came into some money and never said anything to my friend. My friend realised this when she suddenly was driving a car worth about £12 k and her previous car was worth about £3 k. The same friend had a car loan once but decided after that to buy an older car for cash.

She has made very little effort for my friend over the past few years. My friend was dealing with a bad situation a while ago and this lady was aware of this. She never even sent my friend then a text to see how my friend was. Meanwhile other friends where texting her regularly to see how she was.

My friend was very annoyed over this and said along with giving her money I was there for her though a horrible period of her life and she just could not find 5 mins to send me a text when she knew I was dealing with this.

She told me I was sorry I told her or gave her money then because she had very little regard for this or our friendship. My friend has decided to keep quiet when she gets several inheritances in time because she won't make the same mistake again.

This happened to me. It wasn’t even that much around 18k and after I’d paid off debt, bought a car and one holiday for me and the kids. I only had around 3k left, but I was subject to so much dry begging and guilt trips. I used to think don’t they understand I have 6k debt and need a second hard car? It’s like I became responsible for their money woes overnight. Very odd and I learned my lesson.

It’s a shame op - but I guess sometimes you don’t know beforehand who’s like that of money has never been an issue/been mentioned before?

I did say to DS to be a bit discreet about his child trust fund when it matured - I suggested he didn’t say how much was in it as although he’s got nice friends some of them wouldn’t have been in the same position and it might be both seen as boasting but also potentially might change their relationship.

It's always difficult. I've had a number of big jobs with large salaries and I always get asked how much my income is.
I dared to 'borrow' £2k from a millionaire friend who although the card said it was a gift jumped on the 'loan' if I so much as bought a pair of shoes. We had a decade of low income due to caring responsibilities and Jesus everyone was talking about it. Another person from the same set asked me how I was paying my mortgage (I was on sick leave) as recently as Christmas.
I'm part of a company sale that completes this year and it will make me very comfortable. Nobody will know and the previous gifts I wanted to give can wait. Im not even buying a big house because it will bring the scroungers out. I've paid too many car bills etc for desparate friends and never had a penny back. Time has taught me to keep that sort of news to myself.

I would help personal friends, but no one outside that boundary.

I don't know is the answer to the first question. No to the second and unlikely to.

It also seems to be that the knowledge that the money is there lodges in people's minds and they mentally spend it if the need arises, as if it is there for them to fall back on.