To think I’ve made a mistake telling a friend I’ve come into money?

[TheJoyousFox]

I recently came into money - not life-changing but a decent amount. I mentioned it to a friend in passing and ever since, I feel her attitude toward me has shifted. She’s started making comments about how “lucky” I am, hinting at how tough things are for her financially and even joking about me covering things when we go out.

I didn’t expect this to be a big deal but now I’m wondering if I should have kept it to myself. AIBU to think I made a mistake bringing it up? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

My ex husband done this. I got money from my grans will and while I had it he didn't even so much as pay for a 10p mixup. Just one step towards being an ex.

That is truly horrible what happened to you. I’m so sorry.

You couldn't have predicted this, but don't tell anyone else.
I got a similar response when both my parents died quite young and I inherited and paid off my mortgage. I mentioned it to one or two people and then kept quiet because they were so envious and almost angry, rather overlooking the fact that I suddenly had no parents as well as no partner or children, which to me seemed quite a big deal.

Be very careful telling anyone things like this. A few years ago my dad came into some money and wanted to gift me a new car. I told a woman I thought I was friends with at work. The jealousy was off the scale i ended up leaving the job it became so awkward. Keep all financial thinhs to yourself. If she doesn’t shut up cut her off. Not your
problem she doesn’t have cash.

As a pp said there are a lot of people who have a sense of entitlement as soon as money is mentioned. I have a friend who will likely receive a small inheritance in the near future and they already have 2 family members they are not close to suddenly contacting them and making it known how much debt they have

At least you know now she isn't a true friend, a true friend would be happy for you.

You could tell us though, unless you are fearing that someone will recognise you!
Not life changing but decent suggests to me something over 40K and under 100K, for what it's worth. I'd be thinking that. If it's more like 10K, better to tell your friend the amount rather than leaving her guessing.

Just because it wasn't, your experience doesn't mean other people are lying

She could, but she has said she doesn’t want to - why push it?

Sadly a lot of people are like this (not all) so you really should keep wealth and windfalls quiet. I'm quite comfortably off - partly getting on housing ladder at the right time, some inheritance (me and husband) and partly working my arse off at a professional job. I give the impression of living modestly as hardly anyone knows we have no mortgage or car finance and I intend to keep it that way.

I've lost couple of old friends who would expect me to pay for everything when we went out but still get all huffy and resentful. This was just on the basis that I had a good job and they'd chosen to be SAHMs which is hardly my fault.

I'm hardly pushing anything. OP will do as she sees fit. A bit of feedback about what other people might understand by 'decent but not life changing' might be helpful, that's all. Her friend might be imagining an amount of money much higher than the reality.

That one of the worst things I’ve heard @FeelingLessTired. What a truly awful person.

Yes they do somehow feel entitled to it, even though their sense of entitlement makes no sense. You win £100 in the pub “oh you can buy us a drink”. You come into £1000 “oh we’ll all get extra gifts at Christmas”. Certain people even have this attitude when someone gets a promotion and a big pay increase. Not everyone is like that but a bit of money brings out the scroungers.

I've had thos OP. I'm mortgage free due to bereavement. Very traumatic . There's one friend who has made comments like "you're lucky" and that she has to be more careful than me as she is not in such a fortunate position (she has both her parents still which feels very fortunate to me)
It made me realise that she can't see beyond the money. Sad and upsetting

OP’s friend won’t believe her.

Never, ever discuss money, especially salaries and windfalls.

😳 I hate when people quote the OP and I just did the same thing. Cringeworthy and all my apologies.

Yes, never let anyone know how much money you have. If I won the lottery you wouldn't see me popping champagne corks on tv that's for sure.
But your friend though, what a bloody nerve she has. I regularly go out with a very well off friend and I pay my way every time. I wouldn't dream of letting them pay for me. So grasping and greedy.

I noticed things with people I have known for years that showed me how different their internal thoughts must be to mine. So although I have hardly a penny ( and I'm content with that), people who I know, with more, would react in a way I would not appreciate. I've learnt not to go there with those mates.

Awful really that people project their own crap onto you. This declaration will bring out jealousy, resentment, anger and even ill will from people you think are friends.

I agree with all the suggestions to back track completely. And remember how this person reacted whenever you think they're this wonderful friend.

@FeelingLessTired
She snapped; 'I guess you will inherit then' and hung up on me. Now, to be slightly fair- she had told me that week her own parents had told her they would be leaving everything to her sister because her sister was the only one who had children

She wasn't written out of their will because she was a nasty person, then?

Sorry to be negative but you should not have spoken about this. Seriously, what did you expect unless your friends are all comfortable financially?

YES OP- you have made a mistake. Sadly, when my father died I happened to mention I had a small inheritance to a friend/work colleague. She asked me about it so it wasnt like I was bragging and it wasnt a fortune or anything.

However, after that, she acted like I was a millionaire (which was ridiculous), she kept dropping very un subtle hints about how "lucky" I was which was really insensitive as I was grieving and he died a really horrible death. She then started dropping very blatant hints about how broke she was and if only someone could lend her some money, snarky comments about why I hadn't paid for her drinks when out etc. I didnt take the bait, I just ignored her completely but I found it incredibly insensitive and well, rude AF.

She was irresponsible with money and would constantly moan about having no money whilst simultaneously spending it on crap she didnt need (telling me about everything she had bought!).

Thankfully I dont see her anymore and its a relief, but it really, really brought home to me that you should never ever talk about money with anyone because people get jealous and grabby and start up with this BS. Obv not everyone does that of course but its far better to keep it to yourself then you wont have the annoyance of it. I wont ever mention money to anyone ever again as a result.

Yes it unfortunately really best to keep schtum when it comes to money matters with friends/family, people really show their true colours when envy happens to them. There’s a reason it’s a deadly sin, it’s incredibly corrosive but people seem to feel they’re justified. My DH did reasonably well for himself through work (despite having cancer, no family support whatsoever etc) but now we are reasonably comfortable, two close friends and a SIL seemingly can’t bring themselves to speak to us any more, let alone be remotely happy for us. It makes me sad, so many assumptions being made. In my heart I know they’re just jealous but it still really hurts.

Both of my parents died when I was in my early twenties and, as an only child, I inherited their modest house and my Dad's pension payout. It wasn't a vast amount by any means but it meant that we could buy a car for the first time. I was amazed at how some people reacted, one so called friend commented that we had suddenly come up in the world and even my sister in law made comments. You think people will be pleased for you but it seems that they prefer to be able to think of themselves as having more than you as if this equates to being better than you. It didn't seem to occur to them that I would rather my parents had lived longer to know their grandchildren and be in our lives.

I agree with everyone that whether you’re an extrovert or introvert it’s best just to avoid the subject of money - other than to have a cathartic moan when you have none! 😅. I don’t talk about it but regardless get approached by close friends, we’ll more acquaintances really, many times trying to get me to purchase financial products off them for commission or some sort of stocks and shares enterprise. I think it’s because I’m single female with no family so likely seen as a soft target. This is what’s it’s like when you just mind your own business sometimes! Can’t imagine what would happen if I actually mentioned how much savings I have. One knows I have a mortgage so I pretended it’s double what it actually is just to kind of shake her off! Crazy 😬