Neighbour knocking door at all hours asking for help

[daisyrabir]

There is a family that have recently moved in a few doors down.
English is not the native language and the family do not speak English very well.

A few times now the older lady has knocked on my door at around 10:30pm at night asking for help.
I did open the door and helped her with her phone issue.

Its like now it’s all the time, she will just come round in the day and night asking for help.

I have young children one of whom is a newborn and don’t want her to keep knocking on my door, especially at night.

She does this to the other neighbours as well.

DP has told me to just ignore the door now.
AIBU?

Poor woman. She needs to know that it's not good manners to knock late at night. I must say it is odd that she does, I wonder if she is ill. Is she elderly?
A cousin of mine was doing things like that in recent times but she is 90 in June. It's very sad, none of us know what will happen to us.

You don't have to answer the door.

OP does.

As an alternative view, my Gran was doing this and wasn't demented and had a child or Grandchild visiting her every day, sometimes more than once.

But when she couldn't figure out something like her 'phone and was too impatient to wait for a family member she'd been bothering her neighbour because they were so helpful the first time. Then the second time...and third.

None of the family knew because they always went into Grans house through the back gate and door whereas my Gran used her front door and the neighbours when she was knocking on.

Gran recently went into a home after a broken hip and it was only when Gran was resistant and saying 'Amy (not her real name) next door will help out and related probably 2 years of conversations and help from Amy that anyone in our family realised what had been happening and spoke to 'Amy' who said Gran said she had children and grandchildren but as Amy didn't see them visit she felt sorry for her thinking she was a lonely old woman whose family weren't looking after her.

Gran was like one of those cats whose being looked after by 2 or more households who don't know about each other! 🤣

That would be way over the top. This woman's neighbours need to explain when they are free to help her, if at all. If she's recently arrived from another country she may simply have unreasonable expectations of neighbours.

How often is she doing this?

She’s new to the area and could be from a culture where it’s normal to be hospitable and help out neighbours. It’s fairly standard to have a few questions and issues when you’re new somewhere.

I would help her out during daytime hours, if it was convenient, but tell her that if it’s after 6pm (or whenever) she needs to save it till morning, unless it’s an emergency.

OP, I can't add to the advice from PPs, but I can sympathise.
I have a volatile neighbour with issues who is constantly knocking on my door or hovering on my doorstep, usually in the dark, as she is nocturnal.
And when I don't answer...I never do answer...she proceeds to call through my letterbox or tap on my windows.
I've reported her behaviour, actively tried to discourage her by having no interaction at all, but she still keeps doing it.
Definitely nip it in the bud if you can, before it becomes engrained behaviour.

I would tell her politely but directly that you have a baby and you are not able to help her after 8pm, and not to knock on your door between 8pm and whatever time

Don’t just ignore.. use your words!

Knocking at 10:30pm to ask random questions is taking the piss!

If you don't feel able to say no to her face, you could get a doorbell with a camera and don't answer if it's her and you don't want to help. Once you break the cycle of doing it, she should stop.

What?! Should we all defer to the menfolk after sunset ?

If she comes round open the door and say no you can’t help. Close the door. She will learn to not bother you.

Stop answering the door she'll get the message

But they know who it is.

That would be nasty. She’s a lonely old lady seeking help, not someone who is motivated to disturb her neighbours out of malice.

Thanks for all the advice.
This happens every day at various times during the day.

The first time I saw her was when I was letting the cat in, she had seen me and walked right behind me back to my house, I was quite startled.

This was at 9pm, I asked if she was OK, she ignored me and went to my next door neighbour.

After that the following day she began knocking my door.

A few times the whole family have been at home.

We've just never opened a door in our house since Robert Wadlow died.

Sounds to me like she possibly has dementia sadly

Why is she lonely if she lives with family? OP said she’s late 50s. Hardly an old lady.

Anyway, knocking at 10.30 pm isn’t on. Lots of people, certainly kids, will be sleeping.

It seems a bit odd. If there are younger people in the family you'd think they could help an elderly person with a phone/tech issue, in their own language as well?!

I'd be a bit put out but potentially feel a bit sorry for her. If she can't speak English how can people help her if they don't speak her language? I guess using Google translate?

Anyway, next time peep through and if it's her don't answer. Or do but just politely say 'I'm sorry, I'm too busy/going out.' and close the door.

Is it worth speaking to the other family members if you bump into them, just saying that you hope she's ok as she keeps knocking people's doors late at night?

As she lives with relatives who know English enough to work I would open the door but tell her it’s too late to be knocking on people’s doors and she is knocking so much it’s becoming intrusive and she will end up annoying her neighbours. I’d suggest she joined a class on speaking English to meet people and learn how to read things. I’d be more sympathetic if she lived alone.

"Please don't knock on my door after 6pm, I'm trying to get the children to sleep and it's disturbing them."

During the day, help her if it's convenient, if not tell her it's not convenient.

Gosh. It wouldn’t occur to me not to answer the door (though I think it would be reasonable for OP to ask the woman not to knock on her door because of the baby).

so you see someone knocking on the door late at night as a threat? lots of people do, lots of people have history! It doesn't mean they send their child to face the threat. Also why are you asking if their partner works? does yours?

Because in normal families husbands are usually larger/more intimidating/stronger and can physically offer better resistance to anyone trying to intrude - where we live, there was a spate of people knocking on doors (daytime!!!!), pushing pensioners in, sometimes beating them up and ransacking houses, looking for money (junkies).

Just ignore.