Neighbour knocking door at all hours asking for help

[daisyrabir]

There is a family that have recently moved in a few doors down.
English is not the native language and the family do not speak English very well.

A few times now the older lady has knocked on my door at around 10:30pm at night asking for help.
I did open the door and helped her with her phone issue.

Its like now it’s all the time, she will just come round in the day and night asking for help.

I have young children one of whom is a newborn and don’t want her to keep knocking on my door, especially at night.

She does this to the other neighbours as well.

DP has told me to just ignore the door now.
AIBU?

So she's probably got dementia or something maybe. Take her back home, if you want to be a good neighbour. Poor woman she's probably really confused about where she is.

Explain to her that in England knocking on a neighbour's door for help after 9.00pm is not acceptable, also that if she needs support with problems there are better ways of solving them than continually asking your neighbours, maybe give her details of the local library/ Citizens Advice etc.
Have an intercom fitted and speak to any caller you have before you go to the door-in a big city this is a basic security measure.

I wouldn’t open my door at night at all. I’d ignore it. If I had a big burly husband, I’d send him. 1950s aside, someone threatening or dubious is less likely to try it on with a man.

*Make it clear that you won’t be babysitting mum if it turns out that she DOES have issues, or is simply lonely.

My next door neighbour was like this. 3 and 4 am knocking asking for help. Up and down the street to neighbours. Turns out she's bi polar. So don't judge too harshly. It could be dementia or another MH condition.

You could speak to your local PCSO with regards to safe guarding they can put a referral in for you.

If it doesn't get resolved stop answering the door when it doesn't suit you.

Yeah I'd agree with this, my husband would go open the door if it was night. Ignore OP or tell her to come during the day

Then have a word with him and he can speak to his mother

That’s what I would have done the first time she popped round at 5am. There is obviously an issue of some sort. The poor lady might have been uprooted from a different country and culture and be completely confused.

I’m kind of interested to know where they are from!

I think they are from Afghanistan (my neighbour mentioned it), it has been quite today, think they might of gone away.

Ringbell is being installed on Thursday :-).

If they are Afghani, I would assume that they have been living in a hotel for a while and the lady will have been used to having her community around her at all times and especially the support of other women. In view of this I would be less harsh on this lady. She is very likely to be confused and lonely in addition to not speaking English. If she's living with her son and wife, they might not be taking care of her. I would have a word sooner rather than later. Depending on where you live there might be an Afghani community and support available.

Really confused by so many of these responses. The OP is just trying to go about her business and take care of her own life (and young children/newborn) without having her peace disrupted, especially at 11pm.

It sounds like the lady has been here for a few weeks at least and I have not met many people in their 50s who are that confused. She doesn't live alone either, and loneliness is no excuse to harass people at any hour of the day. This would be a different conversation if she was 90, in poor physical health, and lived alone with no family nearby. It's entirely possible she has mental health issues, but if so, that doesn't mean OP and her family should have to be at the mercy of this woman's issues.

Seems like the OP has been nothing but kind and neighborly despite having to deal with this, and shouldn't have to feel like this lady is now her responsibility if she wants to be a decent person. Doesn't sound like she is judging anyone either.

I suspect the OP has had poor boundaries from the beginning. I would just be telling her that if it’s an emergency and her relatives aren’t home she dials 99 and doesn’t bang on peoples’ doors late at night or early morning or on a regular basis

Hmm to be honest I think I would just catch one of the younger family members and tell them she is knocking too often and at strange times. Ask them if she is ok. Sometimes you just have to be blunt. If they had manners they wouldn’t be doing this. And I know a good few Afghani families who wouldn’t behave like this though they are generally friendly.

Domestic violence? Pretext to get out of her house?

Call adult social services.

Anyone who needs help using basic tools of modern life needs the support of a professional.

Call the local mosque as well as Adult Social Services.

There should be some support or companionship available from that quarter too.

I think calling a mosque is overstepping it slightly, she has other adult family members she lives with.

I also think calling a mosque is a bridge too far. Adult social services, yes - if you think she is unwell or in danger.

This is bloody hilarious especially likening gran to a cat, absolutely chuckling for 5min over this . Hope Gran/cat is doing well

This is bloody hilarious especially likening gran to a cat, absolutely chuckling for 5min over this . Hope Gran/cat is doing well

No men large or otherwise in my house . Please suggest how we answer the door?

Just don't answer it unless it's someone you want to answer the door to.....it's not compulsory.

our 22 year old 6ft 5 son would answer

What if he wasn't in?
What about when he moves out?
What about those households with only 5 foot 8 male occupants?
What about all the householders that don't have any men at all, let alone one over 6 foot?

What a very narrow minded view.

Get a RING doorbell camera (or similar). Ignore anyone you don't want knocking. You can put a sign up saying "do not disturb our dogs" or somesuch if you wish. My sister had a crazy neighbour like that. She got herself a barking dog speaker - they could see when the crazy was at the door and theyd set off hte barking dog sound - it's was pretty funny to watch on the RING. Worked a treat though!