Neighbour knocking door at all hours asking for help

[daisyrabir]

There is a family that have recently moved in a few doors down.
English is not the native language and the family do not speak English very well.

A few times now the older lady has knocked on my door at around 10:30pm at night asking for help.
I did open the door and helped her with her phone issue.

Its like now it’s all the time, she will just come round in the day and night asking for help.

I have young children one of whom is a newborn and don’t want her to keep knocking on my door, especially at night.

She does this to the other neighbours as well.

DP has told me to just ignore the door now.
AIBU?

She said DP.

Does the OP really have to have a man speak for her. 😳

Are you new on here (I'm joking)

How old is this woman? Could she have dementia? Not that she's your problem to deal with, but it might explain the behaviour.

Fair enough.

I'd get a door camera and ignore her.

I would have a chat - and say that you don’t mind helping occasionally but not every day and not in the evening unless there is an emergency. Perhaps also be a little less friendly as the older woman perhaps sees OP as willing and a friend.

No. Personally, because of my history, I’m more comfortable with my hulking great son opening the door to strangers late at night.

I imagine lots of other women are. Or do what I’d do if he was out and not answer.

Stop pushing your fears on to others. OP clearly didn't have a problem, you're being ridiculous. If you want to be scared in your own home then fine, but OP doesn't have deflect to her partner (not husband) by default.

If your son was short would he also be scared? Because you're attributing his height to bravery!

My late mum started doing this. It was one of the first obvious signs of her dementia.
Fortunately we were able to move her to sheltered housing.

The lady clearly needs support and is not getting it at home. With a language issue as well she clearly has no idea how to access actual support and is becoming a nuisance to others.
That's exactly what social services is for. There is a growing issue with language, especially amongst women and they aren't able to learn the basics to gain help due to culture. Unfortunately I think social services will be asked more and more to deal with this issue.

Whoa! Unnecessarily unpleasant.

My DP actually said this the other day.

I agree with you. If it’s late, I don’t answer the door. If DP is curious enough to find out who’s there, he can answer it. A woman in our neighbourhood was sexually assaulted when she opened her door at about 9pm. It was dark. It is less likely that this would have happened in broad daylight. Not impossible of course, but less likely. I go out walking in the dark because nobody else can do it for me. I keep to well lit places because that is sensible. But a man is available to answer my front door at night. If he wasn’t there, the door would stay locked. I reckon that’s also pretty sensible.

I would say the lady is probably in her late 50s, she does have children who live with her but they appear to be working the majority of the time.

You're being dramatic. Pointing out that not all women are scared isn't unpleasant. You were being provocative in your initial comment.

I’d say that if they’re not British and they’ve not spent enough time here that the language isn’t an issue, then she’s either upset all of her previous neighbours too, or she comes from a place where that’s acceptable behaviour. And if it’s the latter, then a culture where it’s unacceptable to knock on your neighbours doors after a certain time without it being an emergency is going to be entirely unfamiliar to her. She probably thinks she’s making an effort to get to know people and has no understanding that she’s actually pissing everyone off.

I think it depends how helpful you want to be. If you want her to settle in the neighbourhood and not fall out with everyone, you could try and explain it to her. If you don’t wear a watch, take your phone with you next time she knocks and show her how late it is. Tell her it’s too late, the children will wake up and to come back tomorrow, when you’ll help her. And when she comes back, make her a cup of tea, get Google translate out and explain that between 7pm and 9am is not the time to knock unless it’s an emergency. If she continues after that, then you know that she’s probably pissed off all her neighbours at home as well and you can deal with her accordingly. But if I was in a foreign country where the customs and culture was completely different and I was unwittingly upsetting people, I’d hope someone would be kind enough to take ten minutes to explain it to me.

Or, if you don’t want to do that, just don’t open the door.

Yeah, you need to just tell her to stop.
Just say ‘No more!’ if her English isn’t good. She should get the message.

Some of us don’t have a son or husband to hand so we have to - shock, horror - answer the door ourselves!
However, in the OP’s situation, I’d tell the neighbour no knocking before / after and give times that suit you.

I took so long to post I missed this. Are her family there when she’s coming out? I wonder whether they’re aware? Could you grab one of them and ask if she’s ok next time you cross paths?

Maybe where she comes from people are friendly and she’s finding her new home and culture difficult to navigate.

The thought of all her neighbours peering at her via cameras whilst keeping their doors closed is like the start of a horror film.

I would go and visit, welcome her to the neighbourhood with a cake.

I’d ask what her problems are and try and help. Her problems will gradually get fewer as she gets used to her new environment.

I’d explain that you are working most days and go to bed early so can’t cope with many visits.

You should have a word with the other family members that she lives with

I think my response would be to help her out as best I could, but make it clear that unless it's an emergency, she should not knock after 7pm or whatever. Explain that's family/dinner/homework time etc. and you go to bed early or a similar explanation.

I'd also find out what her native language is, and translate this to her on DeepL or Google translate.

No I wasn’t. Lots of people would do the same.

anyway, OP’s thread doesn’t need any more of this.

“The lady will need help with how to use her phone, app’s, how to use appliances in the house, etc or sometimes just a chat.”

So how is any if that your responsibility, OP, particularly at ten thirty at night? I’d be in my PJ’s by then, and would not be even a bit pleased about a random request for help with how to use household appliances!