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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To regret moving DP in to my house

591 replies

JadeySmiles · 17/04/2025 22:30

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

OP posts:
Mrsmouse71 · 20/04/2025 20:20

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 20:13

why

where is he going to go tomorrow that he can't go now

you allow that and be prepared to have your house trashed
items stolen
locks changed - just to piss you off

do not leave him alone in your house

Actually this

WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 20:21

I really don't think it's a good idea to leave him alone in your house. If you aren't prepared to insist that he leave tonight (with or without the police), could you ask a friend or family member to spend the night with you at your place?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 20:24

So you can find a bed for the night and he can’t?

JHound · 20/04/2025 20:26

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

LOL!

Boy, bye. I would get rid

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/04/2025 20:26

Please don't leave him alone in your house.

If you feel unsafe, call friends, call the police, but do not leave him alone in your house - if he thinks he can't win you over, he has nothing to lose, you stand a very high chance of returning to find all your stuff trashed and possibly him still refusing to leave.

Suzuki76 · 20/04/2025 20:27

Do not leave him there. The mates will be back and they'll trash it.

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 20:28

Agreed he needs to be the one staying at a friends house & giving back your keys not the other way round! He just doesn’t want the stress, hassle & inconvenience. Don’t pander!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 20:29

Suzuki76 · 20/04/2025 20:27

Do not leave him there. The mates will be back and they'll trash it.

The neighbours would rather a quiet police removal than that!

JHound · 20/04/2025 20:29

JadeySmiles · 18/04/2025 08:55

I’m not ignoring anyone, I’ve replied to any repeated questions..and been clear I’m keeping a very open mind as to how things go in the short term.

If he loves me as much as he says then he will pull his weight - simple.

That last sentence

😂😂😂😂

DorothyStorm · 20/04/2025 21:02

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.

get your friend ti come to you. Bring her boyfriend too if she has one. If she doesnt ring all your friends and get then round.

this man has no respect for you or women.

do not leave him alone in your house.

DorothyStorm · 20/04/2025 21:04

Op, you've not listened to all the women predicting this exact behaviour throughout this thread.

LISTEN NOW.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.

YourWinter · 20/04/2025 21:31

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 20:11

One of my friends lives close and has said I can stay with her tonight if I want, then he will be gone tomorrow.

Are you for real? Have you seriously thought it’s ok to let HIM stay in YOUR house, alone?

HE has to leave, he has to leave tonight, not your problem where he goes but he MUST go now. And you call the police to make sure he does go.

DON’T sleep in the house while he’s in the spare room.

DON’T leave him in your house.

We can all guess what will happen during the night if you let him stay in the house while you sleep in the other room. We can all guess what will happen if you let him stay and you go elsewhere for the night.

It’s potentially a far worse outcome than your neighbours seeing the police there this evening, before it escalates into a blue-light crisis.

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 21:37

I’m at my friends now, thanks everyone for the supportive messages x

OP posts:
WeHaveTheRabbit · 20/04/2025 21:40

Oh, dear. Please go back home and ask your friend to join you there. As many PPs have said, it is not a wise choice to leave your ex alone in your house.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 21:42

OP isn’t listening.

DorothyStorm · 20/04/2025 21:46

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 21:37

I’m at my friends now, thanks everyone for the supportive messages x

You are so frustrating! Make sure he leaves in the morning. Bill him, send a copy to his parents, for the damage he leaves.

Calabasas · 20/04/2025 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AutumnFroglets · 20/04/2025 21:49

JadeySmiles · 20/04/2025 21:37

I’m at my friends now, thanks everyone for the supportive messages x

  • sighs -

If he is still there tomorrow - call the police.
If he has trashed or broken anything - call the police.
If he even looks at you funny - CALL THE POLICE.

I hope to see a happier update tomorrow but until then I hope you sleep well tonight, you've had a bit of a shock over the past few days I think.

pinkyredrose · 20/04/2025 22:09

Can't believe you left him alone in your house! He's pissed off and he now has free access to your house and stuff.

Good luck Op.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/04/2025 22:10

I think you’ve made a big mistake leaving him alone in your house. Will your friend be going back with you tomorrow? Make sure you get round there early. And expect to have to get the police involved.

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 20/04/2025 22:15

Reading this thread has been like watching a thrilled where you know the protagonist is walking deeper into danger but somehow not hearing you screaming at the TV

Uricon2 · 20/04/2025 22:18

Hopefully (if this is true, which I'm now doubting) you'll have some possessions to return to tomorrow, OP.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/04/2025 22:19

"Thanks for all the supportive messages" but I'm just going to ignore you all and let him stay in my house while I stay at a friends?

Did you see how easy it was for YOU to find somewhere to stay? Why couldn't he do the same ffs. You're such a mug

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/04/2025 22:30

did you understand the supportive messages
if so
why didn't you take the action suggested / required...

Gymnopedie · 20/04/2025 22:38

OP we've tried. If you get home tomorrow and find the house trashed don't be surprised or horrified. It's a real possibility. I mean - you're throwing out a selfish misogynist who belongs in the 1950s and leaving him with the free run of your house. What could possibly go wrong?🤔